We've sadly come to the final WHO YA GOT? until September and we're left to wonder what can carry us across the seven-month void of no football. Likely it's two activities that will never get old: maliciously glorying in the Greatest Choke Job of All-Time (tm 2007 New England Patriots, all rights reserved) or some good old-fashioned fucking, like yo mamma used to make. Which is better? Which will help us more to cope with the offseason? WHO YA GOT?
Contestants
Laughing at the Patriots______Coitus
Fucked in what sense
Figurative_____Literal, also the butt if you bought dinner
Requires
Ability to point, say "18-1"______Sexual organs, booze
Who can't do it
Whiny, hypocritical Pats fans__________Dr. Who fans
Downside
Tummy hurts from laughing so much__AIDS, assorted other STDs, children
Has Eli done it?
Yes_________Eli wouldn't know
Finishing move
Working mocking the Pats into your fucking
Laughing at the Patriots______Coitus
Fucked in what sense
Figurative_____Literal, also the butt if you bought dinner
Requires
Ability to point, say "18-1"______Sexual organs, booze
Who can't do it
Whiny, hypocritical Pats fans__________Dr. Who fans
Downside
Tummy hurts from laughing so much__AIDS, assorted other STDs, children
Has Eli done it?
Yes_________Eli wouldn't know
Finishing move
Working mocking the Pats into your fucking
Working mocking the Pats into your fucking
ReplyDeleteLots of ways to accomplish that. Some prefer the Boston Teabag Party, while some just go with an old fashioned Paul Revere's Ride, where you hold on tight and scream out "The British are coming! The British are coming!"
Working mocking the Pats into your fucking
ReplyDeleteI assume that would involve a mention of "The Giant Snatch"?
LOSERGATE is easily my favorite word of 2008.
ReplyDeleteSatisfaction just keeps on growing----vs---Forgotten in 10 minutes
ReplyDeleteWorking mocking the Pats into your fucking
ReplyDelete"Well, honey, that was perfect right up until the end."
Working mocking the Pats into your fucking
ReplyDeleteDamn...I was trying to think of something red sweatshirt-related so I would seem all smart.
Alas, nothing.
"the Greatest Choke Job of All-Time (tm 2007 New England Patriots, all rights reserved)"
ReplyDeleteReally? Now, I hate the Patriots and Red Sox, but the Yankees blowing a 3-0 lead in 2004 counts as the worst choke job. Only barely, but still.
/flogs self for agreeing with Simmons
The petition there is the best part of this for me. Its wonderful knowing that even with the way us Seattle fans whined after the atrocious XL, that when it comes to being sanctimonious douchebags, Pats fans have us crushed. Oh, what a wonderful week.
ReplyDeleteIT JUST DOESN'T GET OLD.
I think we should start a campaign -- Santorum style -- to rename "death by autoerotic asphyxiation" as simply a "Patriot."
ReplyDeleteCouldn't the Greatest Choke Job of All Time refer to both the Patriots, a some really good sex?
ReplyDeletesorry - I meant "and" instead of "a".
ReplyDeleteI think we should start a campaign -- Santorum style -- to rename "death by autoerotic asphyxiation" as simply a "Patriot."
ReplyDeleteStrongly concur. Although I think the Patriot Hutchence would work as well. After all they had a skinny white guy give the performance of a lifetime but in the end it was just death.
/think this is a hell of a reach
I almost went with the Hutchence reference too, Devang. It might be fitting, since INXS did have a certain je ne sais douche quality to it, but it might limit the reach.
ReplyDeleteLet's get marketing in on this and see what they think.
Wow. I didn't know it was possible to upload gallons of vaginal leakage onto a webpage, but that petition managed to do it. Bravo, Patriots fans.
ReplyDeletei like to have sex while watching tom emanski's baseball training videos. helps me go back to back to back, even after a long day at work.
ReplyDeletei suppose i could try watching the patriots losing
@romolovescock
ReplyDeleteFred McGriff?
Is that Clive Owen in the sex pic? Because fucking him would be way better than making fun of assholes. The idea of combining both activities is appealing, however. I'm pretty sure schadenfreude is an aphrodisiac.
ReplyDelete@ smurfette
ReplyDeleteShadenfreude IS the ultimate aphrodisiac. And gin. And a hot babe.