WASHINGTON, D.C. -- 46 states, more than the necessary The amendment requires all working quarterbacks in the United States to be more rugged and rascally, with a twinkle in each eye and a song in their hearts. It also establishes throwing a shovel pass across the field off your back foot to an opposing linebacker as the national "football move." Furthermore, it designates Kiln, Miss. as a National Historic Landmark for Quarterbacking, rather than for general squalor.
With the amendment's passing, Tom Brady, Carson Palmer, the Manning brothers, David Carr, Kurt Warner, Drew Brees, Philip Rivers, Derek Anderson, Jason Campbell, Damon Huard, David Garrard, Kelly Holcomb, Brian Griese, Jeff Garcia, Marc Bulger, Matt Hasselbeck, Brady Quinn, Byron Leftwich, Alex Smith, Jay Cutler, Joey Harrington, Trent Green, Chad Pennington and Trent Edwards- all deemed insufficiently rascally- will be forceably relocated to the Canadian Football League.
Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, Vince Young, Rex Grossman, Jon Kitna, Steve McNair, Ben Roethlisberger and Daunte Culpepper will be allowed to remain in the country, provided they grow some more stubble on their faces.
"I'd really like it if we could refer to the Favre Amendment as the Fourth Amendment," President Bush said during a press conference, the duration of which he held aloft four fingers. "I already disregard the Fourth Amendment that's in place, so it just makes more sense that way."
Reached at a Packers training facility in Green Bay, Favre was effusive.
"Aw, gosh. It feels great. The Constitution has always been a hero of mine. To be mentioned in the same breath as unapportioned federal taxes on income and other guys really makes it special. I tell ya, I just try to get up and, day in and day out, do what it is that I can to help my team. And now everyone else has to, on minimum penalty of three to five years in a federal prison."
John Madden approves.
ReplyDeleteFunny how one of the cosponsors of the resolution, Mr. Shuler of North Carolina, would be exiled to Canada under the new rules. Lucky for him, he's no longer in the NFL.
ReplyDeleteKyle Orton has suddenly received several offers for a starting job, in light of the shortage of quarterbacks with facial hair that meets the strict white-trash requirement.
ReplyDeleteOh my shit, you mean that thing is based on an actual resolution. I feel like my Michael Vick, I'm gonna need some time to process this shit.
ReplyDelete"Whereas in addition to the career touchdown mark, Brett Favre also holds the NFL record for greatest number of wins by a starting quarterback and the NFL record for playing in the most consecutive games as a starting quarterback;"
They left out that he has tied, and almost certainly will pass George Blanda for most ints, a mark that I know Bears fans, and DBs everywhere will cherish.
Will Jake Delhomme be allowed to stay upon his return from injury? No one else can serve his brand of biscuit justice.
ReplyDeleteCome on, Digital....
ReplyDeleteYou can't say that without posting the link to the Bojangles commercial.
But it just makes me hungry anyways. Probably a good idea that you didn't.
Robocats and I were thinking the same thing. That amendment needs to be amended to include Mr. Orton.
ReplyDeleteStrange for you to get so political on the Bush man with the 4th amendment talk.
ReplyDeleteClassic
Wait I thought Jay Cutler was a gunslinger with some Brett Favre in him, that's all I heard on draft day in 2006. The Amendment that has been amended to include Mr. Orton needs amending.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.
Tom Brady is only three fifths of a quarterback.
ReplyDeletenothing better then a "sorry testaverde you're not rascally enough either" tag
ReplyDelete"46 states, more than the necessary two-thirds"
ReplyDeleteCivics 101, man! You need three-fourths of the states. You need two-thirds of both chambers.
I know you don't care.
Sorry.
What's a shuffle pass? Is it a tribute to Ickey Woods or something?
ReplyDeleteAnd to think, this overwhelming ratification occurred the day after a related bill died in committee.
ReplyDeletethe real question is what 4 states didn't ratify the amendment? they should be immediately expelled form the Union, after all, if you don't root for brett favre, you don't root for america
ReplyDeleteBambi - Illinois, New York, Massachusetts, and, strangely enough, Mississippi
ReplyDeletethank god, new york and massachusetts are out of the united states.
ReplyDeletedoes that mean that we are allowed to invade them for not good reason and kill all the yankee and redsox fans with mercenaries that wont be held accountable for any of their actions?
*no good reason
ReplyDeletei think it means we get to slaughter them all and all members of the "red sox nation" and yankee/mets fans are deemed foreign combatants who we get to imprison and do abu graib shit to, oh happy day!
ReplyDeleteTom Brady is only three fifths of a quarterback.
ReplyDeleteWhereas Namath was three fifths IN a quarterback?
Tony Kornholer (uh I mean Kornheiser) and the milky white substance on his chin wholeheartedly agrees.
ReplyDeletesomewhere, drew bledsoe is mumbling through a burger that he is rascally enough
ReplyDeleteFirst, "rascally" is one of my favorite words, ever. Second, I sense and edit for column length -- where is the part of Brett's quote where he mentions his proud father looking down on him from heaven on this important day? Hack journalism (shakes head).
ReplyDeleteSorry, Bledsoe would have to mumbling through a chilidog for him to be rascally enough.
ReplyDeleteWord of this new amendment has not yet reached Jake Plummer in his cabin in the woods of Montana, but he'll be pleased. For he is... the grizzly man.
ReplyDeleteWeis hits beach after Notre Dame's win at UCLA (photo included!)
ReplyDeleteStanford mathletes finally solve 'trojan theorem'
Suzy Kolber kicks bass
www.thespottedbass.com
That means Slash can come back! He's rascally!
ReplyDeleteOh wait, they don't mean in a gay way do they?
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
ReplyDeleteSteve McNair is deemed rugged enough? He's held together with used gum and paper plates!
Like Brett Favre, Steve McNair is admired for past accomplishments.
ReplyDeleteSteve McNair totally deserves it. He's managed to remain rascally in Baltimore without catching syphilis, which says something about his true level of endurance.
ReplyDeleteKyle Boller? GONE.
Great, I think you're only like a week and a half late from making this a viable post. Where were you guys when he broke the record for most TD passes?
ReplyDeleteSee, this is what smoking pot does for ya...
I guarantee that Congressman Ron Paul did not vote for the Favre Amendment.
ReplyDeleteIt is my dream that Pat Williams sits on Madden's face everytime he utters the word Farve during a Vikes/Packers telecast.
ReplyDeleteall the hate for Brett Favre. haters.???
ReplyDelete