Fast Facts About The Packers:
When he was 10 years old, AJ Hawk drew, colored, and nearly published his own comic book titled "Bill Smith."
Rookie wideout Brandon Jackson has been considered a "fantasy sleeper" in many season previews. Many people do not realize that he was given this label exactly 12 years ago, when he was delivered by a California adoption agency to nearby Neverland Ranch.
Safety Atari Bigby saw action in five games last year. The front office hopes that he continues to develop, despite being able to only run up, down, right, or left.
During his sophomore season at Tennessee, center Scott Wells tried to make a nifty anagram out of his own name and was out the next three weeks with a partially torn cerebellum.
This weekend, Brett Favre will be entering his 17th NFL season. John Madden paid tribute to Favre's longevity in MADDEN 08 with a special Madden card. The DEAD FATHER card applies a 30% ratings boost to your QB when used, or 50% if the game is on a Monday night.
Projected 2007 Record: 7-9, 2nd Place, NFC North.
Actual 2007 Record: 7-9, 1st Place, NFC North.
What The Scouts Are Saying About The Packers
With Ahmad Green gone to Houston, this is Morency's time to continue the running back tradition at Lambeau. He should really flourish under this system with his work ethic and indoor bowel control...Most people don't talk about Al Harris as a shutdown corner, but he's there. Not only that, he's got a dick like a 1-liter bottle of Pepsi...
Favre isn't the gunslinger he once was. McCarthy has managed to rein him in somewhat; he's not throwing any INTs in practice anymore. Those skeleton 7-on-4 drills have really helped...P Jon Ryan may have his work cut out for him this year, but he did buy a $2 million helicopter in Patriot Games. That movie was sweet...I wish I could tell you more about Nick Collins, but I flew in from Foxboro last night, I'm driving home from the airport and there's my wife throwing my shit all over the lawn. The goddamn neighborhood kids were going through it. So yeah, I didn't really get a chance to study up...What's up with the cheeseheads? Dude, I have no fucking clue.
UPDATE: I just got an email from flub. "Not for nothing, but it's 'Vernand' Morency, not Vernon and he's never played for Pittsburgh. You may be thinking of Verron Haynes. I'm not sure if Haynes is in the league any more." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I just re-read my post and the whole thing looks fine...
Thus far, the first annual KsK Kares Charity Drive for Fisher House has raised over $500 for disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.
I didn't see the Dead Father cheat card in Madden. Do you need a code for that?
ReplyDeleteIs there an HGH cheat card too? That'd be sweet
Within the ranks of the Green Bay Packers a wideout is the same as a running back. Favre will blatantly overthrow either position. Just wanted to clear that up.
ReplyDeletePunter, it's also "Ahman" Green, not "Ahmad". And Brandon Jackson is a RB, not a wide reciever.
ReplyDeleteI'll forive you though as I'm sure you were drunk on the sweet sweet nectar of NFL football (or quite possibly a dozen strawberry daiquiris) at the time of this posting.
...It was Clear and Present Danger, not Patriot Games.
ReplyDelete/ducks
I'm just glad Drew didn't write this.
ReplyDeleteAnd the character's name is Jack Ryan. Not Jon.
ReplyDeleteYou're just fucking up all over the place, Punter!
"I flew in from Foxboro last night"
ReplyDeleteWhen did Foxboro get an airport ?
There. There's a nice, big cocksucking edit for you.
ReplyDeleteI hate writing these fucking previews.
/double bird
is this the Interwebs version of "taking your ball and going home"?
ReplyDeleteGreen Bay doesn't play in Wisconsin!
ReplyDeleteAre you saying this post is void?
ReplyDeletethis made me giggle
ReplyDeleteScott Wells is an anagram for "Colts Welts," which oddly enough is exactly what fellow center Jeff Saturday calls his man niblets.
ReplyDeleteJust let Madden write the preview.
ReplyDeleteBrett Favre, mmm mmm slurp mmm slurp slurp gargle gargle slurp, hey Brett you want some of this turducken.
Madden has obviously moved on to Peyton.
ReplyDeleteIt was enough to make the woman go (and this is an exact quote):
"Wow, I might need to hand them a rag or two to wipe Manning's jizz that's flowing out of their mouths!"
Hearing her say "jizz" and "mouth" in the same sentence....priceless.
ReplyDeleteNot to beat a dead horse, but but ten years ago Jackson would have been 11, and clearly too old for the Neverland Ranch.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I heard it was really because he loves Gary Wright's 1974 hit "The Dreamweaver."
So is this your pulitzer entry for 2007 or what?
ReplyDeleteIt's Ahman Green, not Ahmad Green.
ReplyDeleteThat picture is so photoshopped.
I was hoping that Atari was a typo. I wonder if anyone has ever named their kid Coleco ?
ReplyDeleteAlso, MMP, it's Friday morning. Not Monday. Friday.
ReplyDeleteAh, I remember Kid Coleco.
ReplyDeleteNice fighter, but he had a glass jaw.
i want to know if anyone's named their kid turbografx-16
ReplyDeleteIt took a while to figure out the picture, but... "We're gonna make a seal here, and a seal here, and run it RIGHT up the middle."
ReplyDeleteKudos, MMP. You didn't even need the rest of that post, anyway.
I dont know about tubografix...but I'm naming my daughters X-Box and Playstation.
ReplyDeleteIf you could make this entire post blink, that would be AWESOME.
ReplyDeletenaming daughters x-box and/or playstation could come back to bite you in the ass super hard when the hit age 13 or so. my daughters middle name is actually "staythefuckawayfromhershesgoingtobeafucknignunyoubastards"
ReplyDeleteColts fans are already attempting suicide:
ReplyDeleteMan falls nine stories at NFL pregame party
Updated: 10:18 p.m. CT Sept 6, 2007
INDIANAPOLIS - A man fell from the ninth-story deck of a downtown hotel overlooking Monument Circle, where thousands of people were attending a concert Thursday as part of the Indianapolis Colts' season-opening festivities, police said.
Investigators believed the man might have jumped from the outdoor pool deck of the Sheraton Indianapolis City Centre Hotel in a suicide attempt about 7:15 p.m., Deputy Police Chief Joseph McAtee said. No injuries on the ground were reported.
The man tried to commit suicide after seeing how bad Faith Hill looks these days.
ReplyDelete@pemulis,
ReplyDeletefunny, that is the unofficial middle name of both of my daughters.
Actually his name is John Ryan but because people with the name John are gay they think they deserve the nickname Jack as well. Kinda like Robert being Bob and William being Bill. They hate their names and their parents so they steal other people's names. He's John Patrick Ryan and gets called Jack.
ReplyDeleteAn imaginary post to go with an imaginary family.
ReplyDeleteWith that kind of innattention to detail it's clear Punter hates America, and freedom.
ReplyDeleteThe man tried to commit suicide after seeing how bad Faith Hill looks these days.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. She looked like death boiled over.
Is it an official NFL rule that every major pregame show must blend together music acts that will appeal to middle-aged, white Midwesterners on the one hand, and hip young black folk on the other? It's always some grandma-pleasing country singer and an edgy young R&B star.
It's like they're trying to cast a buddy cop flick. "This summer, Minnie Pearl and Asheru are ... HOT COPS!"
I'll get the Hot Cops. But they'll need something more nautical the Hot Sailors or perhaps Hot Sea...
ReplyDeleteI was hoping someone would get that reference.
ReplyDeletePackers are void. SKOL!
ReplyDelete