Thursday, August 23, 2007

Emergency KSK Commenter Draft: Name This Baby

Uh, hey dipshits? You gonna give me a name or what?


While we know quite a bit about Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan, details about the kid are still sparse. We know it's a boy and...well, that's about it. Tom Brady, we must imagine, is surely overwhelmed with the realization that his life is now over. Yeah, being a dad is great and whatever (that's what I read, anyway), but as he watches a promising career of pure bachelorhood evaporate before his eyes, his latest acquisition now toils in this mortal neo-natal world of ours, nameless.

Sadly, our newly-papoosed prodigal passer might be mere hours from being slapped with some ridiculous Hollywood-inspired child's name like "Coco" or "Apple." Or worse, he could spend his life shouldering even something more uninspired, like "4real" or "@." Hey, @, how are you today? What's that, @? Could you repeat that, @? What's your email address, again?

We cannot let this happen. This is, after all, A Baby Of Destiny. We must rise to this occasion as voices of reason, and hope that, for all our collective efforts, one name stands above all. For this draft, you are naming this baby. You know the rules. I will go first.

Anakin Bootylicious Brady.

Pick a name. Wait ten picks. Pick another name. If you have time, mock and ridicule the ones that fuck this up. Time is a factor here. The fate of the future lies in your hands.

Go.

175 comments:

  1. Bryce Maximus Brady. What, LeBron already named his kid that?

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  2. If you think that kid's last name will be Brady, you don't know much about baby mommas.

    Tinkerbell Moynahan.

    Revenge is a child best served cold.

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  3. I went with this one over at WL due to the fact that both his parents are Irish: Potato Famine Brady.

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  4. Brad Beckham Brady...Because a jock and a actress are completely unoriginal

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  5. Construda Moynahan Brady.

    It has a nice ring to it.

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  6. Matt Light Moynahan. One of his five layers of protection let him down.

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  7. Peyton Manning Moynahan. I mean really, could there be any sweeter revenge?

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  8. I -Could-Be-Your-Stepmom-OR-At-Least-Would-Like-to-Have-My-Shot-at-Fucking-Your-Dad.

    Too long?

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  9. Don't Let Belichick Around My Dad's New Fling Cuz He'll Steal Her Too Brady

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  10. Eli Manning Brady...and yes diesal there is sweeter revenge

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  11. Pembroke Worthington Brady, future St. Paul's Man.

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. Syphillis Brady

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  14. vanilla ice ice baby moynahan

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  15. Senator Daniel Patrick Moynahan Brady

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  16. Masshole O'Douche Brady

    Nickname: Sully

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  17. optimus "one baby to rule them all" moynahan

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  18. Dimaggio Jeter Brady....Eat it Bostonians

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  19. Rikki Tikki Tavi Moynaghan-Brady

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  20. Tomfucked Lefty Moynahan

    (insert photoshop of Tom giving it to Lefty here)

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  21. Osama-bin-Laden-and-Al-Qaeda-are-the-
    shit Moynahan-Brady. Let's see the so-called 'Golden Boy' run for President after that one...

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  22. Fidelity 401k Moynahan.

    Cause, really, isn't that kid a guarantee she'll never have to appear in Father of the Bride III, or soft-core porn?

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  23. Michael Marcus Brady.

    Because two Vicks are better than one.

    He really ought to have "Peyton" in there somewhere, though.

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  24. George Dubya Brady...He is popular in red states

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  25. Simmons' Daughter's Future Date Rapist Moynahan

    feel free to substitute "Impregnator" if I'm being too horrific.

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  26. Tom Is-my-baby-daddy Brady-Moynahan

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  27. Paddy O'Goaliepulling Koolaid Moynahan.

    Maroney will be the godfather, obvi.

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  28. Most likely to be Gay Brady

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  29. Fuck. I'm torn between Asante See Even My Fucking Kid Is A Better Corner Than You and I Can Has Repeat Superbowl Peyton.

    Can you come back to me?

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  30. name it after one of mom's hit movies:

    I, Brady Moynahan

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  31. Peter K. "The Sports Baby" Brady.

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  32. as per WWTDD, "you might as well have gotten John Wayne to have a baby with the Statue of Liberty."
    John Wayne Liberty Moynahan.

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  33. Vigo Zuul Brady-Moynahan, because I'm guessing there were some crossed streams in mommy's honey pot at the time of conception.

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  34. like I said on withleather...

    "Steve Smith"

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  35. Leonidas Moynahan

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  36. My name is Inigo Montoya Moynahan. You knocked up my mother. Prepare to die.

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  37. A Baa Boded Morning Myth Try

    Had to use their names to form a new name. Not sure what it means, but who cares, the kid needs a name!!!!! It can't be called 'it'. 'hey you' 'oh shit, she said she was on the pill' - or maybe they can??

    ok, lot of picks, but I am in a meeting for the rest of the day, thus tossing them all in now.

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  38. Now that I think about it, "It" is sounding more and more appealing by the minute. That's my pick, It Brady.

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  39. I already named this kid SUPER FUCKIN' BRADY in the last post, but I'll take a stab at another one.

    FROZEN ROPE BRADY

    'fro for short.

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  40. Thanks for not making us look at the birth pic anymore.

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  41. Mavulous Mavrick Tom Brady. Oh wait, that name is taken.

    http://www2.ljworld.com/photos/2007/jun/03/125378/

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  42. AtLeastImNotaLeinart Moynahan.

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  43. John Jacob Jingleheimer Brady. His name is my name too.

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  44. Michael Thomas Brady...

    ... if she wants to get back at him Mike Brady-style

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  45. The Son Of The Man Who Won All Those Super Bowls Because He Had A Great Defense Not Because He Was Such A Good QB-Hell He Couldnt Even Stop His Sperm From Being Intercepted By the Egg Brady

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  46. Damn work! I wanted in on this one... oh well.

    Ann Arbor Brady.

    F it... he'll be able to whoop your ass like the boy named Sue AND, in 2024, he'll be starting at QB for Michigan as a freshman.

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  47. "Gisele is a syphilitic whore Brady."

    Or "7".

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  48. Setforlife Brady-Moynihan.

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  49. KOLBER NAMATH BRADY

    Kol for short

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  50. I had it first, Motumbo!

    Fine, Tom Brady Jr.

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  51. "Gisele is a syphilitic whore Brady."

    I really should read all the way through first, shouldn't I?

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  52. @ Josh

    + 1

    "Simmons' Daughter's Future Date Rapist Moynahan" cracked my shit up.

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  53. I'm having sex with the cousin! SEVEN!!!!

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  54. @awful chief: Tucker Rule Brady, I take it?

    William Lloyd Moynahan-Brady.

    They'll get trendy or something and call the kid "Liam."

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  55. "A lifetime of Oedipal issues and psychotherapy" Moynahan?

    (Nickname: I wanna do my mommy and my stepmommy).

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  56. TVDaddyLovesMe Moynihan

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  57. @signal to noise:
    exactly. Great opportunity for him to yell "Tucker Rules!" excessively in high school, pissing everyone off.

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  58. Genetic Lotterywinner Moyni-Brady

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  59. Tom "Momma said she was on the pill" Brady, Jr.

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  60. Some of your guesses are so uninspired. I believe that Mrs. Bridgette will go with Seven Bort Brady.

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  61. Bo Schembechler Brady

    His nickname will be RIP.

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  62. @ christmas ape - stellar performance, sir.

    I'm going with:

    ROETHLISHBERGER SUCKS BRADY

    Maybe Roth or 'Berg for short...

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  63. @justin
    It's Chowdah Brady! Frenchie! Now come back here, I'm not through demeaning you.

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  64. I Wanna DO My Stepmom Moynaham

    If not Giselle the future mrs. brady will be in that range.

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  65. Favre Brady.

    NFL commenters couldn't even say that name without busting a nut.

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  66. Oliver

    The dopey looking kid none of the other Brady's wanted who soon sunk into the abyss of total TV F'ups never to be seen again.

    wv - tobchily (Oliver's middle name)

    and I left my meeting because I said I am on a mission to name this kid.

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  67. In other news, on a completly unrelated topic, my friend Bom Tredy wants to know how do you make a death look like SIDS?

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  68. ...it is at this moment that I realize that we've all be duped. They got to kill a whole day with 1.5 posts. We got played.

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  69. Parting Gift Moynahan

    Can be shortened so the kid is known as PG.

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  70. Adam Vinatieri Brady - give a little credit to the man who won Tom Terrific's Super Bowls for him.

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  71. urhines kendall icy eight special k moynahan

    http://www.newbabynews.net/hospitals/stf33/public/stf33birthannouncement.pl?babyID=h33-440

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  72. DEF CONSTRUDA BRADY

    This works so great because in addition to having the whole awesome middle name, his nickname will totally be DEF-CON.

    I can't wait to have kids. Speaking of naming kids, does anybody want to look up the Louis CK bit about naming his kids and link it?

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  73. Milhouse Brady.

    The poor kid's going to grow up to be repressed, gay and a repressed gay.

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  74. @Jay

    Well that's why Milhouse takes Represitol.

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  75. +1 to Bryan for a strong late entry.

    My next entry- Thor Moynahan, cause he will bring the fucking thunder, bitches.

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  76. "Son, I named you Drew because -- YOU'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS YOUR DADDY.

    "Gotta run -- me and Gisele are heading back to my place; that Vietnamese spin-fuck chair isn't going to use itself.

    "Oh, and tell Mommy I left her check in the kitchen. And, uh, 'hello' too, I guess."

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  77. He was big and bent and gray and old

    And I looked at him and my blood ran cold

    And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do! Now your gonna die!!"

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  78. Overrated Fag Brady Jr.

    Yes, I am childish.

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  79. Randall William Belichick Brady Moynahan III

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  80. Lawyer Le Kevin Donte' Moynahan

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  81. President Dwayne Hector Mountain Dew Elizondo Camacho Brady-Moynahan. Of course.

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  82. Marty DiBrady if he's got any sense.

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  83. Plaxico D'Brickashaw Laveranues Moynahan.

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  84. Oedipus Rex Grossman Brady.

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  85. Because Brady is, if nothing else, an avid blog commenter...

    First PWN3D!!!1! Fixed Brady

    (or +1 for short.)

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  86. Oh, and I know I'm doing this out of turn, and I do apologize, but I want to add another one right now....

    I-am-a-loser-who-nobody-likes-with-a-picture-of-a-gay-quarterback-in-my-avatar Brady.

    Yes, catchy, I know.

    ReplyDelete
  87. lets make fetus fajitas outa this baby!

    name the kid Bacon Brady...maybe then i might like the tom brady.....not really

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