While we know quite a bit about Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan, details about the kid are still sparse. We know it's a boy and...well, that's about it. Tom Brady, we must imagine, is surely overwhelmed with the realization that his life is now over. Yeah, being a dad is great and whatever (that's what I read, anyway), but as he watches a promising career of pure bachelorhood evaporate before his eyes, his latest acquisition now toils in this mortal neo-natal world of ours, nameless.
Sadly, our newly-papoosed prodigal passer might be mere hours from being slapped with some ridiculous Hollywood-inspired child's name like "Coco" or "Apple." Or worse, he could spend his life shouldering even something more uninspired, like "4real" or "@." Hey, @, how are you today? What's that, @? Could you repeat that, @? What's your email address, again?
We cannot let this happen. This is, after all, A Baby Of Destiny. We must rise to this occasion as voices of reason, and hope that, for all our collective efforts, one name stands above all. For this draft, you are naming this baby. You know the rules. I will go first.
Anakin Bootylicious Brady.
Pick a name. Wait ten picks. Pick another name. If you have time, mock and ridicule the ones that fuck this up. Time is a factor here. The fate of the future lies in your hands.
Go.
Bryce Maximus Brady. What, LeBron already named his kid that?
ReplyDeleteBaby Jesus Brady the Second
ReplyDeleteSuperman
ReplyDelete4real Brady
ReplyDeleteIf you think that kid's last name will be Brady, you don't know much about baby mommas.
ReplyDeleteTinkerbell Moynahan.
Revenge is a child best served cold.
God
ReplyDeleteValdir Bundchen Brady
ReplyDeleteI went with this one over at WL due to the fact that both his parents are Irish: Potato Famine Brady.
ReplyDeleteTuck Rule Moynahan
ReplyDeleteBrad Beckham Brady...Because a jock and a actress are completely unoriginal
ReplyDeleteWeakarm McScreenpass Brady
ReplyDeleteAhura Mazda Brady
ReplyDeleteConstruda Moynahan Brady.
ReplyDeleteIt has a nice ring to it.
Matt Light Moynahan. One of his five layers of protection let him down.
ReplyDeleteCarlos Belichik Moynahan.
ReplyDeletePeyton Manning Moynahan. I mean really, could there be any sweeter revenge?
ReplyDeleteMoms Meal Ticket Brady
ReplyDeleteI -Could-Be-Your-Stepmom-OR-At-Least-Would-Like-to-Have-My-Shot-at-Fucking-Your-Dad.
ReplyDeleteToo long?
Brady Quinn Brady
ReplyDelete@miamidiesel
ReplyDelete+1
Soda
ReplyDeleteDon't Let Belichick Around My Dad's New Fling Cuz He'll Steal Her Too Brady
ReplyDeleteEli Manning Brady...and yes diesal there is sweeter revenge
ReplyDeleteRex Grossman Jr.
ReplyDeletePembroke Worthington Brady, future St. Paul's Man.
ReplyDeleteMr. Baby
ReplyDeleteYoung Dirty Bastard Moynahan-Brady
ReplyDeleteMommy's Little Jackpot
ReplyDeleteRich Uncle Pennybags
ReplyDeleteJizz-elle Brady
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSyphillis Brady
ReplyDeleteElmer Fudd Moynahan
ReplyDeletevanilla ice ice baby moynahan
ReplyDeleteSenator Daniel Patrick Moynahan Brady
ReplyDeleteBrady Quinn Moynahan
ReplyDeleteFeathers Moynahan
ReplyDeleteSeeking Weekday Daddy Moynahan
ReplyDeleteKige Ramsey Moynahan
ReplyDeleteMasshole O'Douche Brady
ReplyDeleteNickname: Sully
optimus "one baby to rule them all" moynahan
ReplyDeleteDimaggio Jeter Brady....Eat it Bostonians
ReplyDeleteMo Lewis Moynahan
ReplyDeleteGiselebert Brady
ReplyDeleteRikki Tikki Tavi Moynaghan-Brady
ReplyDeleteTomfucked Lefty Moynahan
ReplyDelete(insert photoshop of Tom giving it to Lefty here)
Osama-bin-Laden-and-Al-Qaeda-are-the-
ReplyDeleteshit Moynahan-Brady. Let's see the so-called 'Golden Boy' run for President after that one...
Fidelity 401k Moynahan.
ReplyDeleteCause, really, isn't that kid a guarantee she'll never have to appear in Father of the Bride III, or soft-core porn?
Misplas d'Cum O'Thomas Brady
ReplyDeleteMichael Marcus Brady.
ReplyDeleteBecause two Vicks are better than one.
He really ought to have "Peyton" in there somewhere, though.
Ronald Mexico Brady, "Mex" for short
ReplyDeleteAlready Overrated Brady
ReplyDeleteGeorge Dubya Brady...He is popular in red states
ReplyDeleteSimmons' Daughter's Future Date Rapist Moynahan
ReplyDeletefeel free to substitute "Impregnator" if I'm being too horrific.
Tom Is-my-baby-daddy Brady-Moynahan
ReplyDeletepussy shrapnel moynahan
ReplyDeletePaddy O'Goaliepulling Koolaid Moynahan.
ReplyDeleteMaroney will be the godfather, obvi.
Ropecock Lasso Brady
ReplyDeleteRandy Moss Brady
ReplyDeleteRopecock P. Shrapnel Brady
ReplyDeleteBig Bossy Barbaro Brady
ReplyDeleteMost likely to be Gay Brady
ReplyDeleteMax Power
ReplyDeleteFuck. I'm torn between Asante See Even My Fucking Kid Is A Better Corner Than You and I Can Has Repeat Superbowl Peyton.
ReplyDeleteCan you come back to me?
name it after one of mom's hit movies:
ReplyDeleteI, Brady Moynahan
Peter K. "The Sports Baby" Brady.
ReplyDeleteJames Dungy Moynahan.
ReplyDelete/ducks
as per WWTDD, "you might as well have gotten John Wayne to have a baby with the Statue of Liberty."
ReplyDeleteJohn Wayne Liberty Moynahan.
F. Tom Brady
ReplyDeleteVigo Zuul Brady-Moynahan, because I'm guessing there were some crossed streams in mommy's honey pot at the time of conception.
ReplyDeleteVictoriassecretsucks Moynahan
ReplyDeleteShoodabin Aborted Brady
ReplyDeletelike I said on withleather...
ReplyDelete"Steve Smith"
Leonidas Moynahan
ReplyDeleteMy name is Inigo Montoya Moynahan. You knocked up my mother. Prepare to die.
ReplyDeleteA Baa Boded Morning Myth Try
ReplyDeleteHad to use their names to form a new name. Not sure what it means, but who cares, the kid needs a name!!!!! It can't be called 'it'. 'hey you' 'oh shit, she said she was on the pill' - or maybe they can??
ok, lot of picks, but I am in a meeting for the rest of the day, thus tossing them all in now.
Ropecock Begone Brady
ReplyDeletePowerbottom Brady
ReplyDeleteJoey Joe Joe Junior Shababrady
ReplyDeleteWoody Hayes Moynahan
ReplyDeleteNow that I think about it, "It" is sounding more and more appealing by the minute. That's my pick, It Brady.
ReplyDeleteI already named this kid SUPER FUCKIN' BRADY in the last post, but I'll take a stab at another one.
ReplyDeleteFROZEN ROPE BRADY
'fro for short.
bob seger
ReplyDeleteThanks for not making us look at the birth pic anymore.
ReplyDeleteWeak Stream Brady.
ReplyDeleteMavulous Mavrick Tom Brady. Oh wait, that name is taken.
ReplyDeletehttp://www2.ljworld.com/photos/2007/jun/03/125378/
AtLeastImNotaLeinart Moynahan.
ReplyDeleteMitch Cummstein
ReplyDeleteJohn Jacob Jingleheimer Brady. His name is my name too.
ReplyDeleteMy Dad is a DOUCHE Brady
ReplyDeleteGreg?
ReplyDeletePeter King Brady
ReplyDeleteProtection Failed Brady
ReplyDeleteMichael Thomas Brady...
ReplyDelete... if she wants to get back at him Mike Brady-style
Shoulda Pulled Out Brady
ReplyDeleteThe Son Of The Man Who Won All Those Super Bowls Because He Had A Great Defense Not Because He Was Such A Good QB-Hell He Couldnt Even Stop His Sperm From Being Intercepted By the Egg Brady
ReplyDeleteNathan Allan Reed-Brady
ReplyDeleteDamn work! I wanted in on this one... oh well.
ReplyDeleteAnn Arbor Brady.
F it... he'll be able to whoop your ass like the boy named Sue AND, in 2024, he'll be starting at QB for Michigan as a freshman.
Andrew William Ruemenapp-Brady
ReplyDeleteSunshine 3-rings Brady-Moynahan
ReplyDeleteTucker
ReplyDelete"Gisele is a syphilitic whore Brady."
ReplyDeleteOr "7".
Setforlife Brady-Moynihan.
ReplyDeleteKOLBER NAMATH BRADY
ReplyDeleteKol for short
Giselewhore Moynahan
ReplyDeleteI had it first, Motumbo!
ReplyDeleteFine, Tom Brady Jr.
"Gisele is a syphilitic whore Brady."
ReplyDeleteI really should read all the way through first, shouldn't I?
@ Josh
ReplyDelete+ 1
"Simmons' Daughter's Future Date Rapist Moynahan" cracked my shit up.
I'm having sex with the cousin! SEVEN!!!!
ReplyDelete@awful chief: Tucker Rule Brady, I take it?
ReplyDeleteWilliam Lloyd Moynahan-Brady.
They'll get trendy or something and call the kid "Liam."
Lloyd Braun Brady
ReplyDelete"A lifetime of Oedipal issues and psychotherapy" Moynahan?
ReplyDelete(Nickname: I wanna do my mommy and my stepmommy).
TVDaddyLovesMe Moynihan
ReplyDeleteTed Brogan Brady
ReplyDelete@signal to noise:
ReplyDeleteexactly. Great opportunity for him to yell "Tucker Rules!" excessively in high school, pissing everyone off.
Genetic Lotterywinner Moyni-Brady
ReplyDeleteBastard
ReplyDeleteSteely McDreamboat
ReplyDeleteTom "Momma said she was on the pill" Brady, Jr.
ReplyDeleteDrew Hensoncansuckamydick Brady
ReplyDeleteSam Alexis Brady
ReplyDeleteSteely McBeam Brady
ReplyDeleteSome of your guesses are so uninspired. I believe that Mrs. Bridgette will go with Seven Bort Brady.
ReplyDeleteStitchface
ReplyDeleteBarry Barclay Brady
ReplyDeleteNice call Ape.
ReplyDeleteKoolaid Chowder Brady
ReplyDeleteBo Schembechler Brady
ReplyDeleteHis nickname will be RIP.
Stinky Weaselteeth Moynahan
ReplyDelete@ christmas ape - stellar performance, sir.
ReplyDeleteI'm going with:
ROETHLISHBERGER SUCKS BRADY
Maybe Roth or 'Berg for short...
@justin
ReplyDeleteIt's Chowdah Brady! Frenchie! Now come back here, I'm not through demeaning you.
I Wanna DO My Stepmom Moynaham
ReplyDeleteIf not Giselle the future mrs. brady will be in that range.
Favre Brady.
ReplyDeleteNFL commenters couldn't even say that name without busting a nut.
Oliver
ReplyDeleteThe dopey looking kid none of the other Brady's wanted who soon sunk into the abyss of total TV F'ups never to be seen again.
wv - tobchily (Oliver's middle name)
and I left my meeting because I said I am on a mission to name this kid.
In other news, on a completly unrelated topic, my friend Bom Tredy wants to know how do you make a death look like SIDS?
ReplyDeleteMarsh
ReplyDeleteDis Respect Brady-Moynahan
ReplyDelete...it is at this moment that I realize that we've all be duped. They got to kill a whole day with 1.5 posts. We got played.
ReplyDeleteParting Gift Moynahan
ReplyDeleteCan be shortened so the kid is known as PG.
Adam Vinatieri Brady - give a little credit to the man who won Tom Terrific's Super Bowls for him.
ReplyDeleteI call the big one "Bitey."
ReplyDeleteHercules Rockefeller Brady
ReplyDeleteurhines kendall icy eight special k moynahan
ReplyDeletehttp://www.newbabynews.net/hospitals/stf33/public/stf33birthannouncement.pl?babyID=h33-440
Wash U. S. Brady
ReplyDeleteDEF CONSTRUDA BRADY
ReplyDeleteThis works so great because in addition to having the whole awesome middle name, his nickname will totally be DEF-CON.
I can't wait to have kids. Speaking of naming kids, does anybody want to look up the Louis CK bit about naming his kids and link it?
Milhouse Brady.
ReplyDeleteThe poor kid's going to grow up to be repressed, gay and a repressed gay.
@Jay
ReplyDeleteWell that's why Milhouse takes Represitol.
Felch
ReplyDelete+1 to Bryan for a strong late entry.
ReplyDeleteMy next entry- Thor Moynahan, cause he will bring the fucking thunder, bitches.
Cumslinger Xpress Brady
ReplyDelete"Son, I named you Drew because -- YOU'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS YOUR DADDY.
ReplyDelete"Gotta run -- me and Gisele are heading back to my place; that Vietnamese spin-fuck chair isn't going to use itself.
"Oh, and tell Mommy I left her check in the kitchen. And, uh, 'hello' too, I guess."
+1 Chamomiles, +1
ReplyDeleteHe was big and bent and gray and old
ReplyDeleteAnd I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do! Now your gonna die!!"
moon unit brady
ReplyDeleteAbs McLovin Moynahan
ReplyDeletePootie Tang Brady
ReplyDeleteOverrated Fag Brady Jr.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am childish.
Randall William Belichick Brady Moynahan III
ReplyDeleteLawyer Le Kevin Donte' Moynahan
ReplyDeleteDerek Lachey Moynahan
ReplyDeletefuck lion brady
ReplyDeletePresident Dwayne Hector Mountain Dew Elizondo Camacho Brady-Moynahan. Of course.
ReplyDeleteMarty DiBrady if he's got any sense.
ReplyDeletePlaxico D'Brickashaw Laveranues Moynahan.
ReplyDeleteAccidental Brady
ReplyDeleteOedipus Rex Grossman Brady.
ReplyDeleteMarcia Brady
ReplyDeleteBecause Brady is, if nothing else, an avid blog commenter...
ReplyDeleteFirst PWN3D!!!1! Fixed Brady
(or +1 for short.)
Oh, and I know I'm doing this out of turn, and I do apologize, but I want to add another one right now....
ReplyDeleteI-am-a-loser-who-nobody-likes-with-a-picture-of-a-gay-quarterback-in-my-avatar Brady.
Yes, catchy, I know.
"Douche McCalister"
ReplyDeletelets make fetus fajitas outa this baby!
ReplyDeletename the kid Bacon Brady...maybe then i might like the tom brady.....not really
Harry Potter Brady
ReplyDeletethe anti-christ
ReplyDeleteKoolaid Construda McBrady
ReplyDeleteBrady Brady Brady
ReplyDelete