If you think June is too early to be talking about fantasy football, then fuck you. It's never too early to get into the stats and trends. Although, May probably is too early. But, it's never too early to get your league together, just to make sure you get your group set and do all the admin bullsh so it doesn't interfere with your draft prep.
Some of you may already be wondering: is KSK starting a fantasy league this year?
Yes, we are.
A keeper league, no less. And we want one of you to join us. But if you want in, you've gotta try out. We're looking for a commenter that knows the roto** game, and will hold his or her own in a 14-team keeper league.
This is the group of 13 that we have so far. I think you'll agree that the list is long and distinguished, like my johnson:
Yours Truly
Big Daddy Drew
Christmas Ape
Unsilent "The Maj" Majority
Flubby
Will Leitch
Rob "Combudsman" Iracane
Dan Shanoff
Awful Announcing
Jamie Mottram
Dan "Steinz" Steinberg
J.E. Skeets
D.J. Gallo
We're still hashing out the rules** for the league, so don't ask. As for how you apply, the only rule is that there are no rules. You can submit an original pic, your shitty photoshop work, or even something you wrote. We don't care what you send in, provided that it's original and illustrates your badassery in some respectable manner.
Submit your artistry to kissingsuzykolber@gmail.com, and send as many entries as you want. The better entries will be posted here on our site. The best entry will get a team in our league. The shitty entries will earn you nothing but scorn.
So if you think you can hang with this cadre, get your entries into us by June 30.
**We ARE doing head-to-head scoring.
You people have no hope if Mandy decides to send topless photos of herself.
ReplyDeleteAlso, league dues are $25. So no poor people, please.
ReplyDeleteThis idea is intriguing.
ReplyDeleteSo subscribe to their newsletter
ReplyDelete/obligatory
A whole league of pussies and not one actual, well, pussy.
ReplyDeleteYou guys need a female badass in there.
That's a list of 12. I'm going to assume Caveman's in.
ReplyDeleteIf you're referring to me BDD, I'm totally on it. Winning > dignity.
ReplyDeletetic toc
ReplyDeleteInteresting concept.
ReplyDeleteSide Note - I got dinner at Per Se sat night from my wife. I throughly enjoyed. All though she still thinks one if by land, two if by see is better.
As a married man with a kid, I probably should not have even jokingly solicited topless photos from readers. That would be creepy and what not.
ReplyDeleteBut feel free to send them to UM, who will then forward them to me. It's much more innocent that way.
Let me get this straight... I have to "try out" to get into your fantasy league?
ReplyDeleteUhhh... gonna pass on that one.
Your exclusion of Rob Iracane is noted. He kicked our asses last year.
ReplyDeleteI will take my removal from the Deadspin/KSK FF pool with dignity and grace.
Motherfuckers.
2 fanatsy football leagues is all this guy can handle. escpecially with one kid and another one due sept. 7th. let's hope she gets here after my drafts are over. hope all the dad's had a good father's day. BDD how close did you come to meeting your badass father's day intinerary ?
ReplyDeleteI submit:
ReplyDeletehttp://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2007/04/did-someone-say-bukkake.html
http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2006/08/sifting-through-clarett-wreckage.html
http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2007/01/three-things-i-couldnt-stop-thinking.html
http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2006/11/where-in-world-is-suzy-kolber.html
and of course:
http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2007/04/bukkake-kickoff-ceci-nest-pas-une-pipe.html
I'll just take CC's place as the WL rep since Fantasy Football is gay.
This is an elaborate ruse for the KSK thong modeling championship round, I can feel it.
ReplyDeleteThough I have also been drafted into an all boy league before for my skills. Also, my team naming skills and how good I look in a thong. Just sayin'.
Does the person/team with the #1 overall pick have to draft the Sex Cannon?
ReplyDelete(I'm not even going to attempt to petition for entry into this league, as I do not have tits)
Come on people. We want to see originality and/or sexy desperation
ReplyDeleteYeah, quit sending us your oldass blog entries. Only we get to be that lazy.
ReplyDeletethe only thing i could add to this league would be my intoxicated posts. they are usually awesome, but since i don't know any of you personally, there is no way for me to make fun of you for, say doing a fat chick or something.
ReplyDeleteRusty, to be fair, I ruled the regular season but Mr. Poon beat me in the playoffs.
ReplyDeleteStupid McNabb.
i offer two things as my resume entry for this league:
ReplyDelete1) tits (they're mantits, but tits nonetheless)
2) I will literally be win fodder for any team I play. I'll be the Mississippi St. to everyone else's [insert any other SEC team here]
I don't remember reading it was roto, jez. Maybe you should take your Rosetta Stone software back for a refund, and then get back in the van that drove you in here from fucking Mexico and LEARN TO FUCKING READ OR STFU.
ReplyDeleteSmell that? It's vagina, vagina is the official scent of compitetion.
ReplyDeleteWell, seeing as how the most notable thing I've done in my life is not fucking any crack whores, I'm gonna have to do this political style and discredit my enimies.
Otto man is a pedeophile
Mandy is a man
Becky had a chance to sleep with the sex cannon but instead cried in a corner.
To be continued...
What the fuck is fantasy football?
ReplyDeleteI don't remember reading it was roto, jez. ... LEARN TO FUCKING READ OR STFU.
ReplyDelete"We're looking for a commenter that knows the roto game, and will hold his or her own in a 14-team keeper league."
Otto man is a pedeophile
Look, for the last time: I thought the kid was a prostitute.
In any case, I'm in almost the exact same situation as Beaverfever -- I'm already in two leagues, with a kid due midseason.
Still, very tempting.
Fuck I really want to join this league. The pressure to send something original and funny in is taking it's toll on me. I'm getting as nervous as Angel Cabrera.
ReplyDeleteAww screw you guys... I'm taking a smoke.
vagina is the official scent of compitetion.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, I have no idea what Wormfather is talking about...
The league is head-to-head. There's no Roto. By "Roto game," I meant the fantasy sports genre, not that cumulative bologna.
And I'm Punting jez, only because I've never liked him.
"I'm already in two leagues, with a kid due midseason."
ReplyDeleteIs it coming out of you?
I thought the kid was a prostitute
ReplyDeleteTouche my friend.
See it's working, I've forced to Otto to withdraw from the race for "family reasons".
And people wonder how republicans control the world.
From Wiki.
ReplyDeleteottoman, at least your kid is due well after any fantasy football drafts, and i'm willing to bet that your wife is delivering that maybe not yourself like UM asked.
ReplyDeleteNow I have a reason to record a Pacman Jones parody that doesn't suck.
ReplyDeleteI would attempt this but for two things. 1) I'm not funny. 2) I suck at/have bad luck at drafting fantasy football teams. Inevitably, I will draft Priest Holmes as he's verging on the shitheap and Frank Gore the season before his breakout. My fliers all crash and my gamebreakers break legs.
ReplyDeleteis this a salary cap league ? those are always a pain in the ass.
ReplyDeleteIs it coming out of you?
ReplyDeleteIf it is, it smells horrible.
The ticking timebomb of the new baby isn't the big problem. It's the memory of the last time I tried to do three leagues at once. Every Sunday involved me hoping the entire league would succeed and fail at the same time. It was the FFL equivalent of dumping chips across every square of a roulette table. Wheee!
But contrary to Wormfather, I haven't conceded. In fact, I'm pretty sure that pedophilia would only make my stock go up with this group of chronic degenerates as judges.
I think 289 is the strongest competition, but Flubby will likely blackball him due to MS Paint Envy.
"In fact, I'm pretty sure that pedophilia would only make my stock go up with this group of chronic degenerates as judges."
ReplyDeletehow old/hot are we talkin' here?
I would love to try-out, except that the main body of work I could submit is from Harry Potter message boards and blogs.
ReplyDeleteAh well, I guess I'll just stick to teaching the game in real life.
how old/hot are we talkin' here?
ReplyDeleteMacauley Culkin.
Not in his prime, though. This happened just last week.
Oh, if it helps, I'm not poor, and I'm not expecting any children in the fall, and I'm not in any other leagues.
ReplyDeleteI once wrote a KSK style dialogue wherein Chiefs' GM Carl Peterson demanded a lifesize replica of Daunte Culpepper made entirely of cocaine in exchange for some chicklets.
ReplyDelete...and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his 'Brief History of Time' from my fourth grade paper.
I vote Mandy though.
Rickey has no time for fantasy football cocksuckery.
ReplyDeleteIf sending old blog posts is lazy, what if we send in blog posts from the future...
ReplyDeletetits.
Macauley Culkin
ReplyDeleteThat's not pedophelia, that's just wrong.
All though you have a point, when the Olsen twins hit 18 they lost half of their fuckability, which makes them still 10 times more fuckable than my (dont say fiance, dont say fiance, dont say fiance) fiance.
FUCK!
Bigricks just blew my mind.
ReplyDeleteIt's not a roto league, it's a George Foreman Grill league.
ReplyDeleteUfford was disqualified, and Leitch is on probation, because it is strictly a B.Y.O.Beer Gut competition.
Incidentally, I don't know sheep shit from Shinola about football (and of course KSK has been no help on that front). I'm only here for the dick. I mean, dick jokes.
N.B. to wormfather: If you are engaged to a woman (big if), you would call her a fiancee.
ReplyDeletefantasy football is a good time if kept in perspective. if you are in a league that awards a trophy or even worse a championship ring get out now. playing for cash is what grown men play for, not trophies.
ReplyDeleteYou know how I know you're gay?
ReplyDeleteYou're in a fantasy football league with D.J. Gallo.
Seriously, did caveman get harold reynolds'd, or worse, falco'd?
@mamacita
ReplyDeleteWell if your going to be a Nazi about the situation...
Fiancée
There. And as an aside, I know I'm a douchebag, but some chicks dig that, ya know, Mamacita.
okay so I'm a perfect fit.
ReplyDeleteI'm sarcastic and funny:
http://stupidangelos.blogspot.com/2007/01/first-ever-stupid-angelos-giant-douche.html
http://stupidangelos.blogspot.com/2007/02/todays-reason-why-espn-sucks.html
and I'm incredibly handsome:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/34/The_Simpsons-Disco_Stu.png/222px-The_Simpsons-Disco_Stu.png
And I have $25....
shit, You already got a bengal fan, but i got 25 bucks and a keen ability to cut and paste
ReplyDeletewww.odellwhereartthou.blogspot.com
@wormfather
ReplyDeleteI implied that you were gay, not that you were a douchebag. I'm sure you're the good kind of douchebag, just like I'm the good kind of cunt.
you can pick me as I won't play and you will have an easy whipping boy on a weekly basis. "Sure!I'll trade reggie bush for pac-man jones and three joints and a bottle of gin!"
ReplyDeleteAnd the award for Trying Way Too Hard To Be Clever goes to...
ReplyDeletewormfather! Congratulations, tard!
mamcita gets my vote for referring to herself as a cunt. that has to be worth a couple of points.
ReplyDeletewormfather, your response to trevor ?
I can't, my life won't let me. Plus I don't know shit about FF. I am, however look forward to alcohol soaked and drug addled posts by the KSK crew at 4:20 AM on a Monday morning during football season.
ReplyDeleteLove it when women don't have a hangup about using the word cunt.
WV-uhdiep. Paris, how do you want to get fucked?
Such a feisty crowd today. We should all be like a bunch of medicated Elijah Dukes.
ReplyDelete*looking - dammit.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I had to get some work dont, now that that's done.
ReplyDelete@Mamacita
I'm to stylish to be gay.
If you're a good cunt and I'm a good douchebag, we should be perfect together.
@Trevor
I'm used to slightly veiled insults, congrats to you. However I do see some irony in your insulting me for allegedly trying to be cleaver with your blatant attempt (failed as it might be) at being clever.
Back to AA with ya kid, hit the batting cages and then we can talk.
Dont hate me, I cant help the fact that you were born the way you are. Then again, I guess I could have used a condom.
I'm only funny when I'm sober so I'll have to wait and send you something after work.
ReplyDeleteThreadjack
ReplyDeleteAnother Motorcycle moron:
http://thebiglead.com/?p=2572
/end threadjacl
*threadjack. Got some fat fingers today.
ReplyDeletefantasy football is a good time if kept in perspective. if you are in a league that awards a trophy or even worse a championship ring get out now. playing for cash is what grown men play for, not trophies.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of a gold figurine sitting at a computer with terrible posture perched atop a trophy.
On second thought I won't bother to bore the KSK Gay Mafia with a submission.
ReplyDeleteBetween Mandy's chest, Becky's lips (hi!) and far, far funnier commentators I'll just step aside and watch (read) the inevitable cock swinging and Clint-like downward spiral of competition.
For those of you wanting to draft the Sex Cannon, he may be available...if Tommie Harris had his way.....
ReplyDeleteChicago Bears Updated:06/18/2007
According to the Chicago Tribune, Bears defensive lineman Tommie Harris had floated the idea of Donovan McNabb joining Chicago and ending their long Super Bowl championship hibernation. Harris was a guest of McNabb's at the quarterback's charity golf tournament and stated that the Bears would definitely win the Super Bowl with McNabb.
Another Bengal arrested.
ReplyDelete"I like the idea of a gold figurine sitting at a computer with terrible posture perched atop a trophy."
ReplyDeleteawful chief, you just made me rethink my position on fantasy football trophies.
also, someone get wormfather his meds.
Every afternoon, these threads die a sudden death at about a quarter past four.
ReplyDeleteYou people don't take 4:20 lightly, do you?
I'm falling asleep at work.
ReplyDelete@Burnsy *poke*. It's time to go home man.
ReplyDeleteLaters
Also, I too had a kid due mid-season.
ReplyDeleteIt will not in any way interfere with ff. In fact, it may be motivation to spend MORE time doing it....
Normally I would not do this, but I figured I would let everyone know what they are in for. Behold
ReplyDeleteBecky has nothing on this.
Oops. I should've read the comments before sending in my oldass blog entries. Besides, 289 or someone with bigger tits should get in, anyway.
ReplyDeleteThank god I don't have to send in an entry....I don't think I'd hold a candle to some of these.
ReplyDeleteP.S.- I'll let the second place finisher name my team.
Hmm, maybe I should submit something...
ReplyDeleteAh well. I'm lazy. I'll just send in some old blog posts.
You can submit an orignial (sic) pic
ReplyDeleteIf I text message you pictures of my junk, does that count?
My word verification is "finjhngr". I assume that means I automatically receive entry into the league.
ReplyDeleteYou can submit an orignial (sic) pic
ReplyDeleteMost of us know I consider proofreading beneath me, but I did fix it since it was bothering you so much.
If I text message you pictures of my junk, does that count?
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how exactly you can text message a picture of your junk, Li'l Sean.
Or do you text message people's reactions to your junk?
LOL! ROTFLMAO! :(
Can I pick Pacman Jones? For keeper purposes, really.
ReplyDeleteI refuse to play the "I'll be the doormat of the league" card. What kind of bullshit is that? If you want to be in this league, be in it to win it. If you want to talk about losing on purpose, go find Simmons and say the word "Celtics" to him.
ReplyDeleteIf selected, I would take the leap from "perennial top-5 finisher" to "league champion" in a heartbeat. Why? I'm better looking than Leitch, use. more. periods. than. Shanoff, and I'm waiting until it's on the clearance table at Borders to buy Gallo's book.
Plus, I'll buy booze for the live draft.
Baaahhh, you can all lick my balls.
ReplyDeletebloof > God
ReplyDeleteYou take it back. Becky made a panty tree at Christmas. I am a giver, dammit.
ReplyDelete(And I also tried once to drunkenly send a shot of her ass to one of the esteemed founders of this site, but I probably shouldn't mention that.)
^ I also apparently forgot how to speak English when typing in parenthesis...
ReplyDeleteA man has no chance in a contest of this nature.
ReplyDeleteSirs,
ReplyDeleteBy now, you have received our assessment of this "situation".
We would like to arrange a meeting to discuss you providing assurance that your selection process will include more than "tolken" minority consideration.
We use the Atlanta Braves meeting with the Rainbow/PUSH as a model. The Braves sat down with reps and realized they had work to do rectify some glaring deficiencies in their organization. As a result, Hank Aaron is being brought aboard in a day to day capacity.
While we certainly appreciate any comparison to Hammerin' Hank (we are the all-time home run leaders in righteous blogging), we regretfully turn down any offer of day to day HR operation and monitoring of your blog. We hope you understand that our pursuit of righteousness is time consuming. The notion, tho, is flattering.
Now, and we don't mean this as a "threat"...back to your FF League...You have received our letter. We anticipate a positive response. But be assured. Buses are on call and carboard, paint and broomhandles are at the ready.
I have one very good reason that I should be selected, and I think you gents will be able to relate.
ReplyDeleteI lack couth.
You stay out of this, Nation of Islam Sportsblog.
ReplyDeleteIf you have taught me one thing, sirs, it is that one man can take down an entire nation.
And if you want the spot in the league, you shall have to wait until I die of my inevitable heart attack.
But until then, Oprah's Va Jay Jay will make an appearance in this league.
(Florence)Y'all try to hard
ReplyDeletethe nation of islam shows up and the thread dies.
ReplyDeleteexcellent!
Finally, my old colonoscopy will see the light of day.
ReplyDeleteThis thread does not smell of badassery. It just smells. Onlt the tits have redeemed it so far.
ReplyDeleteSmells like desperation. And tits redeem everything.
ReplyDelete