Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Sushi For Badasses
Contrary to all the cheap British jokes listed directly below, I'm actually quite fond of England. It's the country where I lost my cherry, which it makes it a far more meaningful nation to me than the United States. I also enjoy British beer, kebabs at 4AM, televised lawn bowling, saying "cheers" instead of "thanks", chicken curry sandwiches from Morton's, scotch, the Astoria, bubbly British girls with hot accents and large breasts, "About a Boy", Oasis and so much more. Plus, everyone there drinks. It's a great country all around. It's why I drafted it! I'll be claiming it for my own shortly.
So, to salute the glory of Great Britain, here's a video of Official KSK Badass and Man I'm Slightly Gay For Bear Grylls sinking his teeth into a live trout. Seriously, this guy is fucking awesome. I'm gonna steal his identity. All I need is his social security number and a rubber girdle. I can make it happen, people.
That's some fucked up shit right there.
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome. Best part of Father's Day was the Man vs. Wild marathon.
ReplyDeleteOriginally, the show wanted Eli Manning to host, but he backed out so they had to settle for Bear Grylls
ReplyDeleteThat's the greatest thing I've ever seen. I've always wanted to reach into a river and eat a live salmon, like a bear. Or, I guess, like Bear.
ReplyDeleteThat's booger-eating delicious!
ReplyDeleteMotherfucker has a camera crew. Les Stroud is unimpressed.
ReplyDeletecamera crew or not, that dude is hardcore.
ReplyDeletebig deal, what's the difference between bitindg into the spine of a trout or swollowing a few goldfish ?
ReplyDeleteseriously, this guy is a sick fuck (the cool kind).
He's not such a badass.Call me when he does that to his ex-wife.
ReplyDelete-Orenthal
somewhere a member of PETA watched this video in disgust and shed multiple tears for the trout.
ReplyDeletebtw, ozzy osbourne is proud of him.
Been there done that (SERE grad).
ReplyDeleteNot to impressed with his survival "skills" portrayed in the show. It is more sensationalist than what you should be doing in order to survive.
/Yes, I was waterboarded and, yes, it really sucks.
Best Bear clip:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdkX7KG-tlg
about a boy? wtf? i'll give hug grant points for banging a black hooker, but... fuck. really? about a boy?
ReplyDeleteWatch your ass, john s. Only Ufford gets to brag about being in the military.
ReplyDeleteOh... well... tell that member of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children that "Rangers lead the Way" and for him to "Have a good 'un."
ReplyDeleteThat clip was beautiful even with the sound off. And the old woman next to me here in the airport just gave a disgusted sigh at video.
ReplyDeleteFantastic. Thanks Drew.
"Rangers lead the Way"
ReplyDeleteHey, any grad of SERE can brag away -- that school is the real deal. Save the Ranger braggadocio, though. Half of the Rangers' appeal as an elite unit is the immense shittiness of the regular Army.
"...Half of the Rangers' appeal as an elite unit is the immense shittiness of the regular Army."
ReplyDeleteWhile I will, for the sake of argument, accept your faulty premise about the rest of the Army, I reply as follows:
And the other half is how much the Rangers are an elite unit.
No hard feelings though. We are all brothers. Just... well...some brothers are just duller than others.
That's nothing compared to the time he jumped into a frozen over pond and stayed there for a few minutes while he calmly explained why he needed to get out as quickly as possible.
ReplyDeleteMy husband loves Bear. I find it suspect. Guy's a super rich dude, the son of a politician, owns his own island, and does this shit for fun. Plus, he has a camera crew, how much danger is he really in?
ReplyDelete"Love Actually" is a much better fruity hugh grant movie that nobody wants to admit they like (but secretly like). And it has Keira Knightley looking pretty cute.
ReplyDeleteJennifer - you are right to be suspicious. Remember the episode when he eats a dead zebra? Going so far as to put his face into its carcass and bite off some meat? Yeah... BIG B.S. on that one.
ReplyDeleteIn a survival situation, water, not food, is your first priority. The amount of water that you body would pull into your stomach in order to digest raw meat would VASTLY outweigh the benefit conferred by the meat eaten. In fact, when you eat raw meat, your body does not get to digest much of it anyway.
Pure showmanship.
john s., you miss the point, which is that he ATE A DEAD FUCKING ZEBRA.
ReplyDeleteStop ruining the latent homosexual fantasy for everyone. You're the type of guy who probably says Chasey Lain isn't that hot in real life. Boo!!!!!!
Drew - Don't get me wrong. I recognize the fact that he ate a dead zebra. I respect the lengths to which he will go to create an entertaining show.
ReplyDeleteAll I am saying is that for him to pass it off as "survival" skills is a bit misleading.
Thats all.
Also, while I may be more of a Aria Giovanni guy, there is nothing wrong with Chasey Lain.
You're the type of guy who probably says Chasey Lain isn't that hot in real life. Boo!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm risking a lifetime ban, but I don't think Chasey Lain is that hot on film.
Of course, I'm one of those freaks who likes my pornstars to come from the 18-to-35 age range. Drew can keep the GILFs to himself.
good call on aria giovanni, i prefer jewel de nile. tori wells when i feel like going somewhat old school.
ReplyDeletebtw, the bloodhound gang wrote a song about chasey lain, the ballad of chasy lain from the aptly titled cd "hooray for boobies". funny stuff
http://www.purevolume.com/bloodhoundgang
There's something oddly sensual in his voice when he's talking to the sushi. Is that weird or is it badass? Honestly, I really don't know.
ReplyDeleteTori Wells is good... real good. However, I like Jezebelle Bond when I am going old school though.
ReplyDeleteShe is just plainj dirty.
best part of my two days in london a couple summers ago: two friends and i walking down the sidewalk. we pass possibly the hottest girl i've ever seen with perhaps the best body i've ever seen wearing a very tight outfit, walking the other way. we walk a few more feet and there's a homeless guy sitting against the building. he looks up at us, grins, and says "holy shit! fucking perfect!"
ReplyDeletedamn you must be young john s. real old school to me is nina hartly, cassie nova and other stars from the 80's.
ReplyDeletebtw, didn't jezebelle bond have a tattoo of the social distortion logo (great band) ?
@Bro Josh
ReplyDeleteI was expecting a lot more from that story. I thought you were gonna get "Clariced" (from Silence of the lambs when Miggs tosses his seed at her)
I was in Junior High and High School in the 80's and, as a result, did not have that much access to porn. Accordingly, I consider porn in the 90's to be "old school".
ReplyDeleteGranted, to a porn PhD, my designation is probaly WAY off, but, that is how I see it.
Yeah... she did have that logo on her arm, which is why I really dug her enough to actually remember her name.
btw, didn't jezebelle bond have a tattoo of the social distortion logo (great band) ?
ReplyDeleteYou guys are running a graduate seminar on porn stars, and I just can't compete.
But on the topic of Social Distortion and tattoos -- about a decade ago, I happened to run into lead singer Mike Ness across the street from where SD was about to go on stage. I have never seen so much ink on one man, outside of the carney scene. The best ones were his knuckle tattoos: "LOVE" and "PAIN."
the kid - Shouldn't you call it "migged"? I mean, due to the fact that kind of sounds like "mugged" it would convey the essense of the act better.
ReplyDeletejohn s. i was also in high school during the 80's. i guess i was lucky to have friends with older brothers that always had porn.
ReplyDeleteit's all good, and relative i suppose.
the kid: no, thank goodness that didn't happen. but his hands were under a blanket, so who knows what was going on.
ReplyDeleteI had the friends with the brothers, but, only one VCR in the house.
ReplyDeleteCouldn't exactly kick mom out of the living room for a quick "jerk-and-clean" and I, on a deep level, am against watching porn with other guys.
related knuckle tattoo story. a guy at this gym my brother and i worked out at had "shit" and "fuck" tattooed on his knucks. his name or at least what we called him was crazy ray.
ReplyDeleteThat's where I thought he was going too, Kid.
ReplyDeleteLast time I was in San Francisco, me and the wife were walking down Market Street at 2pm. Looked over into an alley and saw a toothless, filthy homeless guy, pants down around his ankles, punishing his penis like it was a wife on "COPS".
Yeah. That's an image I'm only getting out of my head with a bullet.
The best part was that he looked at us like we were the perverts.
crazy old guys and your lack of internet. haha suckers
ReplyDelete@the kid
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I feel sorry for the kids coming up today. Porn used to be something to be sought after, acquired through skill, guile and cunning and "utilized" under the same circumstances as a thief trying to rob the hope diamond. The whole process served to "heighten" the experience.
Now, everything is just a couple of key strokes away. By way of analogy:
Me=Hunter/gatherer w/dead wild boar
You=Sitting down at table with a McRib
Nothing wrong with the McRib, it suits its purpose on a basic level, but, it is just not the same as the wild boar.
Forget it, John. These whippersnappers today, with their easy access to Vietnamese spin-fuck chairs and amyl nitrate tabs. They just don't understand.
ReplyDelete@John S
ReplyDeletethats a pretty good analogy and i hear where you are coming from, but i'm very ok with my easy access
ps how did this comment section go from grylls eating a live trout to an in depth, generation v generation porn discussion
That's all well and good, but the immense amount that's easily accessible means us kids with our fast Internets and Sugar Ray may have more discriminating tastes and refined appetites from our wealth of porn experience.
ReplyDeleteI went to England last year and, as I painstakingly dealt with my ex-girlfriend's phone vibrating with lovely text messages from her current boyfriend, I sat there at Heathrow in a bar watching grown men drink SEVERAL pints of beer at 7am. Like a lot of them.
ReplyDeleteIf only the fuckin' food was better because I HAVE tasted the big titties and they are delicioso.
@otto man
ReplyDeleteyeah... I mean, it used to be that the "black brush treatment" was the thing you look forward to when you were in Seoul. Now, unless it involves swinging goats, flying monkeys and a half-tranny named "Chris", the kids today are not impressed.
i believe BDD's chasy lain reference started this generation porn issue.
ReplyDeleteanother big difference is on that darn innertube the variety is endless. there is everyhting for everybody out there and as it has already been pointed out the access to it is very easy. i remember growing up that if there was a scene with a black chick or some babe getting her puss shaved i thought it had to be the wildest stuff out there. and midgets, forget about it. little did i know
At least The Onion remembers the good old days.
ReplyDeleteBy way of further illustration...
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a freshman in H.S., girls wore those big, bulky day-glo sweatshirts. Erin K. had the biggest boobs in my grade, but, we did not see them because of the swweatshirts she wore.
When I fooled around with her, and the orange sweatshirt was going over her head, I might as well uttered "(breathing sound) One small step for a man... One giant leap for the 9th grade."
The generation after me does not get that kind of build up because girls run around practically naked. Not to be an old fart, but, there is something to be cherished in the anticipation.
Did you just say you like Oasis? Why not just smear a fucking turd across the inside of my monitor?
ReplyDeleteI gotta go bleach my eyeballs now.
And I thought With Leather's journo-porn about Brady Quinn was gay.
nice otto man, i remember oui. now that is old school porn. big fluffy 70's bush.
ReplyDeleteI remember oui too. Nothing like that fluffy bush
ReplyDeleteI don't remember who said it on Soprano's, but it was someone who got out of jail. "The main difference from when i went in to now is that when i go to the Bing, it looks like a girl scout convention"
ReplyDeleteMan VS Wild rocks all hell. One of the best shows on TV...
ReplyDelete@college wolf
ReplyDeleteyou joined late, the discussion has turned to porn
Yes, I like Oasis. Shoot me.
ReplyDelete-But is not Oasis the greatest British band since the Beatles? Can we not vote on this?! What steps has the Prime Minister taken to prevent Liam Gallagher from leaving?
-Uh.. yes. what exactly is the right gentleman talking about, and who is Liam Gallagher?!
-He is the lead singer of Oasis! And if he leaves, it will be be bloody awful!
Where are the 'To Catch a Predator'-like sickos on this comment page??? Is everyone on here into geriatric love or can we get a little love for the yungins' with the pink pussers??? Sheeeeeeeeit!
ReplyDeletebig fluffy 70's bush.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure they had a hair and make-up person assigned strictly to the crotchetal region. A lot of mousse and/or mascara down there.
Where was the 'poorly concealed homosexuality' tag? For the love of God, let this man coach the Vikings.
ReplyDelete@dat ror kid
ReplyDeleteYou illustrate my point exatly. You mind goes right to the, how did you put it?, oh yes... "pink pussers".
I know I am beginning to sound like John Cleese in The Meaning of Life but...
What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.
You may find that your conquest is a little sweeter when you have to work for it.
My wife nearly threw up when he did that.
ReplyDeleteI started laughing!!!
Yeah it was cold on my side of the bed that night.
Awww...70s & 80s porn. The nostalgia. I saw a John Holmes movie in 3D at an indy house here in NY late last year. It's truly odd to watch porn with a group. And odder still for it to be in 3D. But, John Holmes, while one ugly man was...impressive.
ReplyDeleteNow if Bear would stop during his adventures to get naked and have some quality outdoor sex on film, I think Man v. Wild would go from just being badass to being absolutely perfect.
Killing a trout, big deal. Put up the vid of him getting water from fresh elephant dung.
ReplyDeleteMr. BDD!! You've been warned seven times this month to stop bringing up Oasis!
ReplyDeleteHmm... don't look now, but my Bloofy sense tells me there is a porn star commenter draft in the works...
ReplyDeleteChasey Lane is a good call, Giovanni has the nice floppy DD's, Jenna Jameson changed the world, but I think a good Shyla Stylez collection will keep me off the little blue pill until I'm six feet under. Too bad she has such a cheesy name.
You guys are forgetting the stage between the 70's tumblweed bush and the 90's baldy - the 80's punk bush. Cindy Lauper half-shave mohawk with assorted colors.
Bleeeach. Never mind. Today's burma beaver is a nice evolution.
-Let me ask the right honorable gentleman from Belfast something. What does he plan to do about the removal of Guinness from his liver?
ReplyDelete-Okay, follow-up question: Will the Prime Minister be driving his usual car home tonight?
Anyone who hates Oasis must be a malevolent closet homosexual on par with Roy Cohn.
Oasis sucks.
ReplyDeleteIs that Bear Grylls or Marv Albert...
ReplyDeleteyesss! Hooray for back biting
@John S.
ReplyDeleteGo fuck yourself. You're an idiot. I don't care what fuckin' training you did.
I'm with Otto on Chasey. She looked promising, but now has gone down the Jenna Jameson, Teri Weigel contorted/botched plastic surgery road...scary face, lumpy implants, etc...
ReplyDeleteTori Welles circa Night Trips is as good as it gets...
Sushi for morons would be more apropriate. What the intriguing video fails to show is that minutes afterward, the guy became deathly ill and vomited until he lost about 70 pounds. The poison he received from the fish was worse then having a rare strain of the ebola virus. But hey, at least he got some attention.
ReplyDeleteOh, and that fucking zebra clip? Fucking disgusting. And all about the shock value over actual "survival."
ReplyDeletegood point mr furious, why do all these porn stars decide to fuck themselves up with plastic surgery ? janine lindenmulder is another example. hot as hell and then went overboard by getting tattoos all over her.
ReplyDeletealso, the chameleon done the same year as night trips is another one of her best works.
Yeah, I really never needed to add the word "vaginoplasty" to my vocabulary.
ReplyDelete"Yeah, I really never needed to add the word "vaginoplasty" to my vocabulary."
ReplyDeleteor anal bleaching.
From Sushi to the generational porn gap to best british band. I guess that where I come in.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna be shot for this, but what, no love for Bush? Sixteen Stone was one of the greatest albums released in my life.
Everything Zen 8/10
Little Things (any song with the quote, "I touch your mouth, my willie is food" gets a perfect 10/10
Comedown (song dedicated to the after effects of heroine) 9/10
And to anyone who tries to tell me they're a rip off of Nirvana, I will spear you in the throat, dont test me.
I'm gonna be shot for this, but what, no love for Bush?
ReplyDeleteWhat, did you miss our discussion of Oui Magazine?
Damnit Otto! Foiled again. I'm going to to start emailing my potential comments to you for approval.
ReplyDeleteAh, the full bush... Do any girls except neo-hippies have them anymore? They announced so eloquently "I'm not the kind of girl you ever have to consider going down on. Just fuck me."
ReplyDeletebeen down on a full bush before. not a lot of fun, a little more work involved as opposed to the groomed/shaved bush.
ReplyDelete@Beaver, think that's bad, ever met a smoking hot chick only discover hair on the nips? To this day I feel conflicted about that girl.
ReplyDeleteIndian, huh?
ReplyDeleteyes wormfather, but i worked through it. i understand the conflict.
ReplyDeleteItalian actually.
ReplyDeleteBut I dont understand how a girl could have hair there and not know that it's a conflict.
You know what, I dont want to talk about this anymore.
dammit wormfather, i was afraid you were going to say she was italian.
ReplyDeleteI believe Dennis Hopper explained the phenomenon to Christopher Walken in True Romance.
ReplyDelete-Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, uh, you see, uh, the Moors conquered Sicily.
I've seen this on the actual show. I think this guy has taken up the "that guy is fucking crazy" mantle last held by Steve Irwin. He'll eat anything he can catch. Fish, bugs, lichen off tree bark, anything. I haven't yet seen him drink his own urine, but I bet he will eventually.
ReplyDeletei'm pretty sure BDD posted a vid of Grylls either drinking his own piss or using it to cool himself off.
ReplyDeleteJana Cova and Nikki Nova are two of my favorite porn stars.
ReplyDeleteJana looks like Kelly Ripa to me, and Nikki kinda looks like Angelia Jolie.
Any thoughts?
If you're talking porn stars, you can't miss a scene from these:
ReplyDeleteNici Sterling
Alexandria Quinn
Gauge
Monica Sweetheart
Nici Sterling ****
Anna Nova
Angelica Sin
Jeanna Fine
Nicole Sheridan (when she's not banging that ogre husband in every scene)
Mia Bangg
Check them out, they're the best in the biz.
I'm a real big Raven Riley fan
ReplyDeleteCan we have the fucking porn star draft already or what?
ReplyDelete