From the desk of Roger Goodell, Commmissioner National Football Leagye
To: Brian Urlacher
Re: Courtesy reminder on official NFL player apparel policy
Do you know what 'Official Sports Drink of the NFL' means, Brian? It means if you show up at Media Day wearing a faggy hat pimping some bullshit fortified water, I am going to fine your ass six-figures. Capiche, dickhead?
I am through playing around you bastards. David Stern thinks he is some kind of a hardass??? I'll show him a what a hardass really is. He wants to suspend a referee for the playoffs??? I'll push a referee down a fucking elevator shaft if they so much as look at me sideways. No more vitaminwater hats, Brian. And if you cross me one more time, I swear on all that is holy, I will make your life a living hell, do you understand me you miserable prick? With me, you do not fuck.
But to make it up to you I want to introduce you to some newly approved official NFL apparel, just for you. Enjoy, cockmunch.
Yours truly,
Rog
Bad ass Roger Goodell is kinda sexy. Just me?
ReplyDeleteThe Leitch hat needs to be marketed immediately.
I'm not sure which duo is more power hungry -- Goodell and Stern or Jesse and Rev. Al.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I nearly choked to death on my bagel when I read that elevator shaft comment.
- Adam
ArrowheadAddict.com
I drink vitamin water because Brian Urlacher's hat tells me to.
ReplyDelete@Save the steages: Agreed.
ReplyDeleteSomeone get on this immediately. Hats, T-shirts, mousepads, diploma frames--I'll buy anything that has Will Leitch saying "I'm so emo." Where's twoeightnine?
+1 for the Riverdance cap.
ReplyDeleteI really, really want to see Goodell shoving a ref down the elevator shaft now.
Does this mean the next time Urlacher steps on the field he's going to wear a hat that says, "Goodell"? That's SO Jim McMahon of him.
ReplyDeleteaww, Flubby...
ReplyDeleteTheNaturalMevs would be so proud
"With me, you do not fuck."
ReplyDeleteI intend to make this part of my every day venacular starting right now as I get up to head into the boss's office. Thank you, Flubby.
Agreed on the Leitch hat.
ReplyDeleteWe can make millions off that.
So is Goodell crazy like Denzel in Man on Fire or Denzel in Training Day?
ReplyDeleteThat last one's not a 'Shop, is it? Didn't think so. That guy really is a World Champion.
ReplyDeletemad props for the Judah Freidlander reference! That guys awesome (shoulda shown the Free Cheese hat though)
ReplyDeleteWith me, you do not fuck.
ReplyDelete- Rog
Fuck with me, you do not.
- Yoda
I did not have sex with Paris*. A few ladies in Paris, yes.
ReplyDelete*there are a few weeks that I don't remember.
Good afternoon, this is your local Photoshop representative. Did you know that with just six easy payments of 99.95, you too can make fancy interweb illustrations like Mr. Flubby here. Thank you for your time.
ReplyDelete$99.95? That's all? And I can make the payment directly to Flubby?! Score!
ReplyDeleteCan I get a Leitch in the shower hat instead?
my word verification: rsexnno
mad props for the Judah Freidlander reference! That guys awesome (shoulda shown the Free Cheese hat though)
ReplyDeleteI believe you meant "Extra Cheese."
"And your hats...'Extra Cheese.' What does that even mean?"
"I think it's pretty self-explanatory."
That Riverdance hat is pure gold. Now that's what you should sell in the KSK shop! No offense, but that is even more relevant than the draft from 7 years ago.
ReplyDeleteHe wants to suspend a referee for the playoffs??? I'll push a referee* down a fucking elevator shaft if they so much as look at me sideways
ReplyDelete*But not eddie hochuli. with me, i will let him fuck