Off the board: heels, thongs, bikinis, schoogirl outfits, pearl necklaces, edible panties, camisoles...let's do this sexy thing.
8. MMP- Mary Janes
Just like 'em. Dunno why
What a reach!
BDD: What are Mary Janes?
MMP: It's a closed-toe shoe with a strap across the foot.
Cue the crickets.
9. Flub- Slinky Black Cocktail Dress
The Nolan Ryan of women's apparel
Sans the inflated ERA?
CC- Wedges
Different from heels, but they achieve the same sexy-leg effect that Drew and I like so much.
BDD- Huzzah!
11. Garter belt with thigh highs
You could put Natasha Lyonne in thigh highs and I'd be turned on. This is the absolute classic lingerie combination. Yet I have no clue why I like it so. Perhaps it's the garter straps accenuating the ass just so, or the lacey tops of the thigh highs gently caressing the...
OOPS. Look at the mess I made. I have to clean this up.
UM: NOOOOOOOOOOO! All you guys were so caught up in your clogs and whatnot...i thought i'd get the garter...
We should start the Natasha Lyonne All Stars as an answer to Simmons and his Reggie Cleveland squad. Girls whose names make them sound hot when in reality they are the opposite.
UM- 12. Bustier
A showcase of sexitude.
UM- 13. Booty Shorts
What the bustier does for the top half the shorts do for the bottom. It's like taking a work of art and putting it in the world's greatest frame.
BDD-14. Tight as shit business suit
Preferably with a mini skirt that just barely covers the ass, and blouse with the top buttons open so that the cleavage just spill right out. Combine that with the garter and thigh highs and I now have blueballs.
That's a nice pick there Drew.
BDD: I think this draft needs to go 4 rounds. I've got some other stuff I'd like to riff on.
CC- 15. Eye makeup
OK, now I'm just trying to piss off the CavemanI was going to say "makeup" but I thought that would be too broad. Girls with lots of eye makeup automatically look 60% hotter. And now, none of your women will ever get to wear it. AWESOME.
Flub- 16. Low rise jeans
But like plutonimum, they can be deadly in the wrong hands.
MMP- 17. One piece tennis dress
One piece tennis dresses. They provide a blend of sportiness and easy access that's hard to come by.
BDD: I like that pick. That's a solid pick.
Now Ape goes twice. Four rounds!!!!!!
UM: fuck fuck fuck. that was my fourth rounder.
Ape- 18. Glasses
Small frames but not those Lisa Loeb cat glasses. Because I like smart, engaging women. And, failing that, ones that at least appear intelligent.
Flub: Good call, Ape
Ape- 19. Nose stud
Provides no tactile pleasure, but is a sign she's at least not up tight. However, the nose stud can't be part of a panoply of piercing. Just the ears and nose. None of that eyebrow shit.
BDD: Ah, but what of the tongue stud? Nothing says easy like a tongue stud.
Check back tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion to find out if anything says easy better than a tongue stud (Hint: If she smokes, she pokes)
This seriously is becoming the best draft and post ever.
ReplyDeleteTramp stamp
ReplyDeleteBy the way, this is the only thing that is keeping me sane while I am teaching out here in fucking Baltimore. This town sucks.
ReplyDeleteThanks KSK.
BDD is owning this draft. I like Ape's pick on the glasses, then he lost me on the nose stud.
ReplyDeletestill waiting on a ruling if pubic hair or lack of it qualifies a an accessory.
The glasses are a sneaky good pick, but BDD is dominating this draft right now. UM's choices are damn good, though.
ReplyDeleteCC's wedges would be better if it Ms. Barbaro weren't modeling them in that picture.
Cowheard is a douche...
ReplyDeleteOh and yet another great mock draft...top notch offseason so far guys!
still waiting on a ruling if pubic hair or lack of it qualifies a an accessory.
ReplyDeleteLet's use the rule of golf on this - the hair is a permanent feature of structure on the body - unless removed by the owner. Therefore, you should not move it, (unless it is truly in the way of your objective and then you will need to take a penalty stroke or strokes depending on how much you remove. Otherwise, in our situation here, it shall not count as an item of clothing or accessory. You will need to work around this and come up with a piece of clothing or accessory.
Way to pay me back for not rubbing the Arenas injury in during the Gmail thread, UM. Go masturbate to old Wes Unseld footage and the new Mysics uniforms.
ReplyDeletePubic hair isn't an accessory.
ReplyDeleteRetard.
fucking Baltimore. This town sucks.
ReplyDeletePirate Sloth wins every comment thread evah.
michael irvin keeps calling me about how a line of coke is an accessory!
ReplyDeleteand bdd is owning this draft, surprised flubby didn;t pick a table as an article of clothing.
no man should know what wedges are.
ReplyDeletesorry caveman, i couldn't find a good picture of wedges. then the mimi thing just worked out so well.
ReplyDeletei was so grateful that you didn't rub it in...then you posted video on WL...then I started crying again.
ReplyDeleteStill on the table:
ReplyDelete-Mom jeans
-XXL sweatshirts
-Colostomy bag
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGood move on the Mary Janes.
ReplyDeleteI like the flamenco dancer ones especially!
And booty shorts...superb pick (and pic).
never going to be picked ever:
ReplyDeleteburka
parka
Just repeating what everyone else is saying...BDD dominating, CC with a suprisingly bad draft, and Ape with a great late 2nd round pick with the glasses. Mmmm...Tina Fey...
ReplyDeleteHoping to see wifebeater and thigh-high boots somewhere in the draft.
o.k., it looks like we have a ruling on pubes. didn't think it was that retarded of a question. however, i would allow pubes or lack of to be drafted.
ReplyDeleteBeaverfever, you could always knit your lady a nice shawl with your pubes.
ReplyDeletenever thought of that rob i, btw when have you ever seen my pubes ? o.k. this is getting way too gay.
ReplyDeletelet's get back to chicks and them wearing stuff that makes them look hot. i think feather boa could be a late round sleeper pick along with toe rings.
Just so you know, Iracane, an injection of eggs into the rectum also do not qualify as an accessory.
ReplyDelete"You fuckers are alright." - Pope Benedict XVI
ReplyDeleteP.S. What, no Daisy Dukes?
my dad suggested a boa...i might have called him a liz taylor loving homo...not sure.
ReplyDeleteI think a boa and nothing else is pretty bonerrific.
ReplyDeleteVery early for a run on shoes.
ReplyDeleteonce again, sarcasm is lost in translation.
ReplyDeletea feather boa and a toe ring. it looks like my attempt at humor went over like a lead balloon.
Just so you know, Iracane, an injection of eggs into the rectum also do not qualify as an accessory.
ReplyDeleteThanks BDD, for bringing that up in and otherwise sexy post. And Rob, fuck you always for introducing that story.
Oh, and Cow-NOT-herd. fuck you and die like the pig you are
a lead balloon? but that would never fly.
ReplyDeleteexactly my point UM
ReplyDeleteOK, since nudity isn't an accessory, might I suggest Saran Wrap?
ReplyDeleteMy seventh grade teacher told us that, while she was growing up poor in Chicago, her parents dressed her in a burlap potato sack with a thin rope tied around the waist.
ReplyDeletePlease, nobody draft a potato sack.
Seriously, glasses on every attractive woman? That would get old quickly.
ReplyDeleteI know beaver, I know.
ReplyDeleteRed Nail Polish
ReplyDeletesilicone tits, anyone?
ReplyDeletenatural God given titties beat the fake ones hands down.
ReplyDeletealso, i'll be shocked if no one picks the belly shirt or fish net stocking (not being sarcastic this time).
Very early for a run on shoes.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. Are you guys the ones who take Adam Vinateri in the third round of a fantasy draft?
Is a bustier the same thing as a corset? I think they're different. Someone pick corset.
ReplyDeleteI know this has already been mentioned, but wedges? Mary Janes? What the hell??
ReplyDeleteBDD and UM are owning this draft, the rest of you are shoe-fetish-loving amateurs.
Nipple ring
ReplyDeleteTongue stud
Clint ring
Should I be scared that Drew and I share the same thoughts on sexy outfits?
ReplyDeleteAnd Ape, wish me luck. I'm heading out into the Balt nightlife.
Can I vote for Tipper Gore and Cokie Roberts as first-ballot inductees in the Natasha Lyonne Hall of Fame?
ReplyDeleteclint ring? please tell me that's not a typo
ReplyDeleteA bustier and a corset are basically the same thing, but a corset doesn't have to cover the chest.
ReplyDeleteAnd please, no one pick the belly shirt.
why not the belly shirt ?
ReplyDeleteand i am also hoping clint is not a typo. subtle yet funny.
Has Sarah Jessica Parker achieved a "sexy-leg effect" that I am mistaking for a newborn giraffe-leg effect?
ReplyDeleteAnyone who doesn't respect the effect of good heels on a woman clearly doesn't know the first thing about women.
ReplyDeleteShut up, boys. Ladies, am I right?
ALSO: Eye makeup can make Eva Longoria attractive, so that's a freaking brilliant pick on my part. I'm shocked by some people's ignorance.
I can't see BDD losing this one.
ReplyDeleteBTW - I was late to the party today, can you post a new tight-ass suit pic - it's gone now.
heels are very sexy indeed, I'm just not sure they're "top 3" sexy.
ReplyDeleteIf you thought that there was anything left to take in the shoe category after high heels were taken 2nd overall, you should just fess up to having a shoe fetish.
ReplyDeletebooty shorts at #13 have to be the value pick of the draft.
ReplyDeletei would have absolutely taken heels in the second round. the only other shoe i considered: clear plastic platforms.
ReplyDeletei should have taken maggie gylenhall's saddle!
ReplyDeleteCC - how could you not use WL as inspiration?
ReplyDeleteI nominate loose-fitting sexy dresses:
Scarlett
I smoke. I'm just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteI find that over the knee socks a slightly high-heeled Mary Janes get the job done every time.
clint ring? please tell me that's not a typo
ReplyDeleteUM, no it is not.
UM made a STRONG comeback with the bustier and the booty shorts (! -- Killer pick). I was ready to make like Pompadoured Mel and call him the draft winner.
ReplyDeleteBut then Drew gathered the mojo from the first round -- with the monster pick, the high heels -- and just blew the whole draft apart with the sexy business suit.
Game. Over.
My wife doesn't need any birth control for the next week-and-a-half, my nuts are so damn empty.
* * *
Anyone who doesn't respect the effect of good heels on a woman clearly doesn't know the first thing about women.
Chill, CC. No one who's seen the inside of a pair of thighs is questioning you.
Of course, "Make-up" may be the gayest pick of the draft.
CC, heels do, in fact, make the woman. A great heel essentially gives you four more inches of leg; what man doesn't find this appealing? As long as the girl isn't overly tall to begin with, heels are one of the easiest ways to increase one's sex appeal. Second to only the corset. Sucks in the waist and enhances the girls; it is impossible to beat.
ReplyDeleteHigh-heeled over the calf boots are pretty damn good too.
ReplyDeleteThigh-highs woulda been my first pick
I cant see makeup being all that bad a pick...the right shade of lipstick on a woman will always make you want to have it end up on your junk.
Damn straight CC. Shortened Achilles tendons are a price worth paying for the illusion of longer legs.
ReplyDelete(Just read that back to myself - it sounds sarcastic but it isn't meant to be. I love my heels.)
"Clear heels!! When did that become the new whore uniform?!"
ReplyDeleteBoy shorts = third round steal. But Drew is knocking this bitch out the park.
ReplyDeletegreat pic with the secretary movie poster. big fan of the black seamed stockings. i'm glad the poster doesn't show her face.
ReplyDeleteShoes are like rims - if they're shitty the car will never really look its best. BDD and CC have locked the rest of the team out of ever having their women truly look their best. Great tactical maneuver...
ReplyDelete