Name: Jamal + Marcus + Stupid Parents= JaMarcus
Height: Tall
Weight: Fat
Speed: Fuck No
Arm Strength: Mountain Eclipsing
Urine Test: Positive for clarified butter
Stool Sample: Brobdingnagian
Mainstream Comparison: Daunte Culpepper
KSK Comparison: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man on HGH (and you thought it would be a black guy...)
Who Wants Him: The Crypt Keeper and his
Hobby: Collects things that are soft.
Fav Movie: Sling Blade, Of Mice and Men
Story that ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: Once housed Fats Domino and a dozen other Katrina refugees in his Baton Rouge apartment that was absolutely not paid for by a booster.
Immediate Impact: JaMarcus has all the skills he needs to be a success but considering his future surroundings (Oakland) he'll turn into another gunslinger with gaudy numbers and a handful wins. Hey, not everybody can be a Sex Cannon. If he were surrounded by "talent" and "NFL caliber coaching" he'd be a sensation... 'C'est la vie', say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell...
Down the Road: Most quarterbacks age like wine and cheese. Well JaMarcus' ass is going to age like a tub of potato salad wedged between PK's legs on a mid-summer road trip.
Stool Sample: Brobdingnagian
ReplyDeleteBut yet he doesn't like Gulliver's Travels. He's strange, this one.
A Swift reference in a feces joke. The ultimate highbrow-lowbrow combo.
ReplyDeleteNice work, UM. You even quoted Rod Stewart there towards the end.
ReplyDeleteWay to sneak in the Chuck Berry/Pulp Fiction reference.
ReplyDeleteStory that ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat
ReplyDeleteWhy did you have to go ahead and bring up Sean Salisbury? Hasn't the poor man been through enough?
Chris- thanks for getting it right.
ReplyDeleteUM - Thats what I am here for, well that and the dick jokes.
ReplyDeleteYou had me at clarified butter.
ReplyDeleteArm Strength: Mountain Eclipsing
ReplyDeleteSo he has the arm strength of Uncle Rico?
His ass might age for like egg salad with some fromunda cheese for aroma
ReplyDeleteage like a tub of potato salad wedged between PK's legs on a mid-summer road trip
ReplyDeleteI can't decide if that's more or less revolting than the puddle of vomit it caused me to hurl onto my desk.
Collects things that are soft.
ReplyDeleteApparently, he's going to collect a core of recievers that fit that description
Maybe he can demand a trade to the Giants so that Eli can fulfill his lifelong dream of playing professional squash in the Tiananmen Square Red Army under 40 league.
ReplyDeleteThe Raiders would then be stuck with Andrew Walter as the next Daryl Lamonica...or not.
Name: Jamal + Marcus + Stupid Parents= JaMarcus
ReplyDeleteI heard they originally wanted to name him Algernon.
otto man: As funny as that is, I know a man named Algernon who's in his 50s.
ReplyDeleteGood ole Algie...
Good work UM. I like the fresh idea title incorporated with ebonics. lmao
ReplyDeleteI also must say when I look deep into that picture of Jamalcus, the look on his face just says to me: "I'm a dumb 'N' that's going #1 overall and I'm foolin' ya'll"
ReplyDeleteotto man: As funny as that is, I know a man named Algernon who's in his 50s.
ReplyDeleteYikes. That book came out in the mid-60s, when your friend would've been hitting the awkward teenage years.
That must've sucked royally. Unless he really liked flowers. And incessant taunting.
He will take the Raiders to the Super Bowl.
ReplyDeleteI said it and I'll keep saying it. The Raiders are on their way to greatness.
I have no joke here. Been a tough day, trying to think happy thoughts.
alright who taught Al Davis to use a computer?
ReplyDeletevertical: none; absolute zero
ReplyDeletenon 'mainstream' comparison: jeff garcia.
I like a little junk in the trunk myself, but I'm still a Quinn girl at heart.
ReplyDelete"I have no joke here"
ReplyDeleteYou just made two.
He will take the Raiders to the Super Bowl.
ReplyDeleteYou mean he'll drive them on a bus to watch the other teams play?
uhm no little dude otto man drives the bus. you off all people should know this.
ReplyDeleteI think that "potato salad" is what PK gets for letting Foetus, Dreamboat, and Antonio Ramiro have sword-fights in his pie-hole(s). The road trip is taking place on the Bang Bus, of course.
ReplyDeleteI win?
uhm no we just all lose from that image. stop now!!!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI also must say when I look deep into that picture of Jamalcus, the look on his face just says to me: "I'm a dumb 'N' that's going #1 overall and I'm foolin' ya'll"
ReplyDeleteHey Clint, that comment is why people think you're an ignorant shithead.
Clint - you must be confused. This is ksk.com, not kkk.com.
ReplyDeleteSomehow you think that putting the 'N' in quotations you're fooling everyone.
Ain't my place to judge, just sayin'...
You can't spell clint without clit.
Hey man, don't be dissing the clit.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm sorry, there's never any racist jokes made on here. I forgot it's KSK.com (it is?) not kkk.com
ReplyDeleteUM-people in the 'comment league' of the blog might think I'm an ignorant shithead, but at least they're not saying behind my back that I am riding on the coat tails of a guy with some talent that writes for the same blog. CC and BDD are the only ones really worth reading. W/ the rest of you it's like, jesus, what a tired act.
no worries, i'd be mad if I was a minority as well.
ReplyDeleteUnsilent Majority, I'm pretty sure you succeeded in making me angry. It's ok to make fun of someone who's mentally retarded, but it's then suddenly taboo to refer to a rich, dumb, black athlete as an "N" when in reality that's what he is? I change my mind, I'd rather be a an "N" than a shylock like you anyday! Jew breath!
ReplyDeletefor someone who doesn't like me you sure spend a lot of time commenting on my posts.
ReplyDeleteStay classy Clint
ReplyDeleteWhat do you expect from somebody out of Columbus, Ohio?
ReplyDeleteBoy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
ReplyDeleteGood work UM. I like the fresh idea title incorporated with ebonics. lmao
ReplyDeleteat least they're not saying behind my back that I am riding on the coat tails of a guy with some talent that writes for the same blog.
Clint do you always contradict yourself like this? Must be easy to critique other's work and not add anything funny or relevant to the comments section. What a dueche.
how do you talk behind somebody's back on the internet? regardless i don't need to be reminded that drew and ufford are the tits. i'm well aware of the fact.
ReplyDeleteRegarding my earlier comment ... I'm not smart.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that guy Clint is an asshole.
un-mainstream comparison: Jared Lorenzen with a better arm
ReplyDeleteok if they are the tits what is um?
ReplyDeleteTo take some of the heat off Clint, my friend's comment on the origin of "JaMarcus":
ReplyDeleteMom: Marcus is a nice name.
Dad: Yeah, but we need to nigga it up a little bit.
Fire away.
Hey Clint, that comment is why people think you're an ignorant shithead
ReplyDeleteThanks UM for making the point because ignorant asscracks from Columbus Ohio think it's OK to use that word or put it in quotes because its a funny think to do. Hey Clit, just because Eminem says it on the CDs you "burned" and you're trying to be down even though you live in Columbus, it's still not OK for you to use that word in public or on the Internets.
Oh yeah, get off of BDD and Ufford's nut sacks, they are tired of dragging you around. Everyone knows they are the bomb, we don't need you suckin' them off too.
Clint,
ReplyDeleteYou have to find the proper outlet for your racist thoughts. Fire a weapon at your television screen. Pick a fight with someone weaker than you. Or, write a threatening letter to a celebrity. So when you go to KSK, remember to leave your racist, witless comments where they belong--bottled up inside.
You need not all be so sensitive. When I've seen racist jokes in the form of posts before, no one got their panties in a bind.
ReplyDeleteI'm not down because I'm from Cbus, I'm "down" because I'm 24, could buy and sell your ass twice, and my humor is versatile enough that I can make fun of black people.
clint, calling someone the an "n" isn't a racist joke. It's, you know, just racist. So fuck off and don't come back until you have pubes in your pants and something useful to say.
ReplyDeleteI'm not down because I'm from Cbus, I'm "down" because I'm 24, could buy and sell your ass twice, and my humor is versatile enough that I can make fun of black people.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHA
My humor is versatile enough to ironically enjoy the arrogance of anyone who uses the phrase "buy and sell your ass twice", particularly in relation to jokes about black people.
I can't believe Clint came back.
ReplyDeleteWhile I was typing that, I think he bought and sold me twice. Fuck.
my humor is versatile enough that I can make fun of black people
Wow.
Ok Drew, you got it. Speaking of no pubes in the pants yet....don't come crying to me when your little daughter comes home with Sambo. What shit does father know about that?
ReplyDeleteUnsilent MaJEWity
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWait for it, wait for it, wait for it...
ReplyDeleteAnd Unsilent's response (hopefully) in 3...2....1...
Or fuck it, this piece of shit ain't worth wasting your time.
http://bp3.blogger.com/_UYl4EeW8xVg/ReNVhPAiLKI/AAAAAAAAAeQ/DcIbpcxRMTU/s320/quinn.jpg
ReplyDeletethe great white/pale hype clint
Wow. The douchiness just rolls off of that guy.
ReplyDeleteHey Clint, from white boy to another: Shut your fuckin' piehole.
I think we can all agree Clint's a horrible racist.
ReplyDeleteAnd by that, I mean he's not very good at it.
For a 24 year old, you really are a little piece of shit. Sounds more like a 16 year old who is anonymous and tries to act hard in front of company knowing he's really shitting his pants hoping that no one will call his bluff.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you leave that hard ass town - Columbus is it - and come east to NY to find out what the brothas would do to your little ass. I don't think they would be too impressed that you're reppin' CBUS.
And you couldn't buy yourself out of that ass kicking you'd have to absorb either you insolent little punk.
Brady Quinn = Heath Shuler
Think about that when he's face down in the turf next year. And stay out of Yankee Stadium - we don't like your kind out here.
Through much research and effort, I managed to find a picture from Clint's wedding.
ReplyDeleteNow that's more like it!
ReplyDeleteHA
weed against speed +1
Jackin'4beats
ReplyDeleteI have been "east" much in my life. New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, etc.
Really a mean street in Columbus is just like a mean street there. It doesn't make you big and bad because you're from the east, or because you've got a posse that would wup my ass. I'm sure of that.
Hard to believe I'm saying it to a guy in a blog comment section, but believe it or not, mano y mano, I'm a 24 year old that would knock your pearly white teeth down your throat. No bluff about that.
Hard to believe I'm saying it to a guy in a blog comment section, but believe it or not, mano y mano, I'm a 24 year old that would knock your pearly white teeth down your throat. No bluff about that.
ReplyDeleteClint = Ultimate trash talking blogger
The mean streets of Columbus
ReplyDeleteApparently, someone got a little jump in their giddy-up after watching the UFC PPV in Columbus.
Back under your bridge, troll.
suck me off bitch. I do what I want.
ReplyDeletesuck me off bitch. I do what I want.
ReplyDeleteYou surely do Clint, that is unless your mom tells you to take out the trash or clean your room.
"Oh yeah?! I roam with twelve gangs! And we only commit hate crimes! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!"
ReplyDeleteClint - it's obvious to me and everyone else on this blog that you are got to be the biggest studio gangster posting. Not only do you talk more anonymous shit but you really think you can fight. OK, keep living the dream and juggling those nuts in your mouth, because no pussy from cbus has got anything for me or anyone else on this side. Bitch.
ReplyDeleteLet me put it in terms you might understand - if you an' yer kinfolk start shit in da big citay, then yu will probably end up in buried under a grain silo with your wife/sister.
what are you gonna do toby? steal my television? Don't go doing something that's going to put you in jail, cause you know what that'd make you? Another, typical "N"
ReplyDeleteBwahahahahahaha! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! BWA BWA BWAAAAAHAAAAA!
I'll make your mom moan on my Black Snake you Imperial Wizard wannabe. Go do us all a favor and OD on some crystal meth and remove yourself from the gene pool.
ReplyDeleteIt's too easy bitching you...you are a homo thug from Columbus. Tell your boys to keep it real...real gay.