Name: Brady Quinn -- he's like the anti-Reggie Cleveland! (you might remember him from Ron Borges' Reggie Cleveland All Stars)
Height: Taller than the average leprechaun
Weight: A bit light in the loafers
Urine Test: Trace amounts of diethylstilbestrol
Stool Sample: Semen swirled
Mainstream Comparison: Carson Palmer (neither could beat USC for different reasons)
KSK Comparison: Lance Bass
Who Wants Him: Unless the Lions or Browns reach big time the answer is...nobody. He'll get drafted by the team that says "Fuck, he's still here? I guess we have to take him."
Hobbies: Hair gel, 3-ways with his sister and AJ
Fav Movie: Roto Rooting Rudy Ruetigger (gay porn version of Rudy)
Fav Simpsons Ep/Nickname: Mr. Plow
Story ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: Expect the full package...that gag reflex is normal
Immediate Impact: Even if he's not a great quarterback he's a lock to increase the league's "Abercrombie Quotient" by ten percent. That being said, he's no stranger to the league's up-and-coming Dipshit Consortium.
Down the Road: People like to think he could be the next Tom Brady--then again, I like to think I could be the next middleweight champion of the world. He could be the next Carson Palmer but he's probably the next Eli Manning.
I'm fire bombing the berea compound if they draft him and pass on the half human half clydesdale: Calvin Johnson.
ReplyDelete*Googles diethylstilbestrol*
You're up early (late?), UM.
ReplyDeleteThat stool sample shoold read: Santorum. Google it, if you are not readers of Savage Love. Almost as disgusting as the Peter King fantasy I posted last week...
This daylight-savings seems a bit too early.
Seeing that People cover always makes me laugh because I know someone who literally cried when she learned Lance Bass was gay. Uh, okay.
ReplyDeleteBrady's beard is a volleyball player. At Notre Dame. Cue the "uh, okay" again.
"Ron Borges' Reggie Cleveland All-Stars" - a Boston douchebag twin-killing.
ReplyDeleteSweet
Seriously, this has has Eric Crouch written all over him...
ReplyDeletejust what the nfl needs, another gay quarterback.
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased that we're going beyond the obvious "Medicine Woman" jokes.
ReplyDeleteUM what do you have against gay people......
ReplyDeleteHe failed tolead the DCHS Shamrocks past the semi-finals his junior yeare and didn't even win a playoff game his senior year. The Rocks' one shot of glory and he couldn't take us to the promised land.
ReplyDeleteHow do you even know the name of the gay porn version of Rudy?
ReplyDeleteSteagles, maybe you should go cool your rocks at the Dublin Chiller.
ReplyDeleteStory ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat:
ReplyDeleteHis sister is the favorite to win the Kentucky Derby?
UM, I'm proud of u for not drawing comparisons to Ryan Leaf, because I could of swore after reading the first couple lines, a Ryan Leaf name drop was sure to come (although Eli Manning is bad enough) God Dam!
ReplyDeleteOh Punter, you know I spent many a middle school night hanging at the Chiller. Friday Night Meltdown could ease all your worries back then.
ReplyDeleteOh, he'll be fine unless the NFL starts testing for amyl nitrate.
ReplyDeleteCaveman was on the cover of People magazine? wait. what?
ReplyDeletelt. winslow: I don't think that's him. There is no way they would have used that white background for Caveman.
ReplyDeleteI kid, I kid.
Haha.
ReplyDeleteCaveman = Lance Bass light
: )
ReplyDeleteWhat a slow day. Sad, really.
ReplyDeleteNothing to add except that my word verification was "suzckob".
ReplyDeleteno one hits a homerun every time at bat. i think everyone still might be hungover from friday's posts
ReplyDeletesome of us are just still hungover from seven straight days of drinking - NOT GOOD. And by that I mean - GOOD!
ReplyDeleteArseblog my arse, you guys got jobbed in the Bloggies.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to think about football with the first legs of the CONCACAF Cup semis this week.
ReplyDeletethe sad thing is that I can't tell if you're joking.
ReplyDeleteWhat a slow day. Sad, really.
ReplyDeleteYou'll have that from a UM post. It'd be funny if we were in 7th grade again. His stuff is right there with laughing at fart sounds and playing the penis game.
... and playing the penis game.
ReplyDeleteYou're going to have to be way more specific than that.
Hrm. Actually, don't bother.
PEEEENISSSS!!
ReplyDeleteUM, I was joking earlier but no more. I'll be honest, I'm going to include Fox Soccer Channel in my flipping Thursday night. If wanting to beat the shit out of the top Mexican team makes me a bad American, I don't want to be a good American.
ReplyDelete... and playing the penis game.
ReplyDeletePEEEENISSSS!!
PEEEENISSSS!!
That was fucking sweet. I really missed out on a great game in 7th grade. And silly me just thought Clint was Catholic.
PENIS MIGHTIER!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, but only if Gino Torretta can be #1 on that list. What a steaming pile of shit.
ReplyDelete