Dear NFL Gods,
Thank you, thank you, and thank you again. Really, this is a dream come true (technically the dream had Norville in Dallas but this is still pretty funny) and I've got to give you guys all the credit in the world. Who else but the mysterious spirits in the sky would go out of their way to ensure the hilarity that is the Norv Turner experience. The befuddled expressions, the laissez-faire locker room, and the total lack of institutional control...He's back BABY!
Sincerely,
A Norv Survivor
Could they have picked a worse candidate? Submit your ideas in the comments!
Sure, they *could* have hired a worse candidate, but Dennis Green and Art Shell got lost on the way to the interview, and Cam Cameron got a gig in Miami.
ReplyDeleteThat pretty well takes out the three shittiest prospects.
Since the Chargers are clearly going with failed '90s Redskins coaches, I'll have to say Richie Pettibone.
ReplyDeletewell that was quick, ape just picked my favorite candidate.
ReplyDeletelifetime record of 4-12...fantastic
Norv Turner looks like he's Junior Seau's white friend.
ReplyDeletePlease. Pettibone's got nothin' on Kotite.
ReplyDeleteI still believe Norv gave the league Manning Face before we really knew what it was. I look forward to seeing it on the sidelines.
Never mind the above Kotite statement -- clearly Pettibone has him beat badly.
ReplyDeleteat least it wasn't dick vermeil, that would have meant a drop in defense so bad that they wouldn't see the playoffs again in years...at least now they'll have maybe one good year with the team he inherited
ReplyDeleteI've got a new concept that I think could work.
ReplyDeleteWhy choose one shitty retread head coach when you can have several shitty head coaches rolled up into one to form a super coach?
What you do is kidnap Kotite, Groh, Green, Shell, Pettibone, Tice, and Haslett... tie them all together real tight... cook them at about 4500 degrees for half an hour... and when you're done you have one great coach.
Make sure you use an odd number of shitty coaches in this recipe. An even number will result in a really, really shitty coach.
Isn't Buddy Ryan sitting somewhere in KY with a headset still on?
ReplyDeleteShannon Sharpe wanted to stay in the studio.
ReplyDeleteHa, mdg and I think alike.
ReplyDeleteword verif: oglgjov - a "compliment" Sharpe would have given his ST as they came off the field.
Yeah, my first thought was Kotite, too.
ReplyDeleteCan I nominate the zombie corpse of John McKay?
What's Wayne Fontes been up to?
ReplyDeleteI hear Steve Spurrier is still on the market. Hey UM, so you hate Petitbone more than Spurrier? That's got to be a toss-up since they screwed your squad about equally.
ReplyDeleteDennis Erickson for Chargers head coach!!!
I don't hate either. Petitbon was one of the great coordinators we've ever had and I can never truly hate Spurrier. I'm a Gator fan baby!
ReplyDeleteUnrelated topic...but there's got to be some good humor in here somewhere.
ReplyDeletehttp://60minutes.yahoo.com/segment/41/kenny_chesney
i will forever hate turner for what he did to Our Beloved Redskins. that said, i sent in my resume for this job and i think it shows a lack of class on the chargers' part that i had to find out i wasn't hired through media reports.
ReplyDeleteOnly Barry Switzer would have been a better hire.
ReplyDeleteDidn't the Chargers have a steroid scandal, a cough med shipping scandal, and a drunken linebacker shot by the police scandal?
I predict big things for the San Diego police blotter. They'll be like the new Bengals.
Using my rudimentary understanding of the French language, Petitbon translates literally to "little good".
ReplyDeleteIs Joe Bugel still alive?
ReplyDeletejl- flores has three rings. player, assistant coach, and head coach.
ReplyDeletegrimey- kinda
Man...so much for the 2007 Charger Defense...
ReplyDeleteGigantasour is gonna have to call the plays himself.
Or Junior Seau.
Its unreal how bad this signing is. And with Ted Cottrell as Defensive Coordinator to boot. 4th worst Team Defense in the league in '04/'05 with Minny. Wow.
ReplyDeleteThink about this for a second: Turner is a fan of a power running game and a downfield passing game.
LT isn't a power runner, SD has no WR's or a QB to get the ball downfield.
This is amazing.
Those are some grande craters...i bet gilbert brown could sleep in norv turner's face.
ReplyDeleteHey, what about (S)Marty (We'll take the wind in OT) Morningwheg?
ReplyDeleteat least all he has to do now in san diego is not majorly fuck things up
ReplyDeleteCoach Ryan Leaf.
ReplyDeletetouche
ReplyDeleteI hear Glen Mason has some free time.
ReplyDeleteWhat's Bruce Coslet doing these days? Last I heard, was the O.C. in Dallas... All I rememebr about him was his stylish haircut and being really awesome at utter shit (I was a Jets fan briefly to piss my dad off).
ReplyDeleteWhy not get JayZ to be the coach? He's already proven in-depth football ka-nowledge by creating fantastic footwear for the NFL as well as providing excellent commentary up in the booth.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note - has a kicker/punter ever gone on to be an assistant/head coach? I can't think of any off the top of my head.
word verif: licjsbp - Sharpe's comment on Irvin leaving/getting-kicked-off ESPN.
Michael Irvin is the clear choice here. I'm pretty positive he has several suits that would match the Chargers' baby blue uniforms, as well as numerous others with lightning bolts on them. Also, his drug abuse will take attention away from Merriman's.
ReplyDeleteglanville? is he dead?
ReplyDeleteRon Rivera falls into their lap and they make him linebackers coach/Gigantosaur keeper, not D-coordinator.
ReplyDeleteThe Spanos family and A.J. Smith are even dumber than I thought.
micah - bwahahaha, right; Norv not majorly fucking things up. He's not capable of doing anything else.
+1 Signal to Noise.
ReplyDeleteBTW hadesgigas, Glanville is D-Co at the University of Hawaii.
wv: ehoyt - The sound of puking Chargers fans.
if Mike Tice were coach Terrence Kiel would be pushing roofies, and nothing says 'team' like gang rape hijinks.
ReplyDeleteanyone else think Bruce Coslet is Dr. Octopus?
Really, I didn't see any better candidate out there. You would prefer maybe Ron Rivera? Shit, that motherfucker was such a great prospect that he is now looking for a dayjob!
ReplyDeleteBoth Jerry Jones and whoever is running the fucking Chargers need to be ousted, or else coach their own fucking teams.
What? Terry Robiskie couldn't shake the interim tag?
ReplyDeleteThe ball and chain locked up all the sharp objects and the hand gun the day this was announced.
ReplyDeleteI am still recovering from it.
The frontal lobotomy might work..we are getting a second opinion next week.