“Getting caught in the gears of a combine... that's the way I wanna go.”

Don’t count on KSK to provide much in the way of bona fide draft analysis. Rather than discuss mid-round sleepers, we are far more likely to hold a mock draft of possible Dreamboat-Moynahan baby names (for the record, I call dibs on "Robespierre") . But the well-hung devils at Football Outsiders report that linebacker Zak DeOssie is the first Brown University player to be invited to the NFL combine. F.O. compares Zak to the Cowboys’ Bobby Carpenter which, of course, is code for saying “he’s white as the driven snow,” and posits that the Jets may call his name on draft day.

Chris Berman will likely spend a substantial portion of draft day slurping this kid and asking the well-coiffed Mel Kiper, Jr. questions like, “So this DeOssie fella, would you say he’s the next Butkus or is he the next Singletary?” If you needed a reason to skip ESPN’s draft coverage, besides the fact it is about as entertaining as watching paint dry, you now have one. Berman is notorious for tipping draft picks seconds before they are formally announced, but would he go so far as to try to influence the pick?


Goodell (approaching podium): “With the first pick of the 2007 NFL Draft the Oakland Raiders select Jamarc—“

Berman (interrupting): “The Nut Zak!!! Zak DeOssie, FROM…”

T.J. (enthusiastically chiming in from the peanut gallery): “BROWN UNIVERSITY!!!”


(And, yes, Al Davis is senile enough to let something like this happen.)

I’ve never rooted for a draftee to be a bust. [Editor’s note: this is a dirty, dirty lie.] But I dread the prospect of Berman calling this guy’s number during the highlights for years to come. I don't want to see a major head injury turn DeOssie into a drooling moron (see: Hoge, Merrill), but something like a bum knee wouldn't be so bad. Plus, dude went to Brown-- if football doesn’t work out for him, he’ll be all right.

From left to right: Zak, Zach and Zakk