Yeah, so this whole Sarah Spain (above, left) story really has been a contemporary reprisal of the classic "Girl Whores Herself Out On eBay To Score Super Bowl Tickets And Maybe Some National Media Face Time That Might Tip The Scales Toward Getting A Callback Or Two When She Starts Reading For Roles In Jerry Bruckheimer Movies This Summer" Tale. Fortunately, the one loose end on this sumbitch seems to have been tied up.
Since our last post on the subject, The Spain Train tried eBay again and the page was yanked in a matter of hours. But then somebody on the corporate end came through and she scored four(!) tickets for the big game. Ah, if only I could be young and top-heavy again.
So she's taking two friends and is now ACCEPTING solicitations for the 4th ticket. The qualifications are here, and I know for fact that at least one KSK contributor has plans to throw his hat in the ring (Hint: it's not Drew). The email address for submitting your picture and your pitch is hotsuperbowldate@hotmail.com.
If you're trying to put together that perfect pitch and having trouble, we suggest you try out a rough draft of that pitch in the comments.
Submissions are due by January 31st.
I'm working on writing her a poem...what rhymes with "pancake tits?"
ReplyDeleteHey misses spainn,
ReplyDeleteSay, someone's been tgellin' me you's goin supahh bowlin'. I like the sauce. Can I put perfume on your belly?
The end
I wanna know what kind of "jobs offers" she got.
ReplyDeleteI had some fun with this already at the Fanhouse, but one can never have enough practice. Dear Sarah, I respect you as a woman and as a sportsfan. Your intelligence showed in every line of your shuffle poem. In all my comments about you, I have yet to objectify you, unlike the rest of these heathen. You're the breast! I mean, best! oops, there goes that....
ReplyDeleteDear Sarah, Axe is known for giving homely guys a chance with beautiful girls. Let's just say that I am who you think I am after reading that sentence...
Dear Sarah, I promise to only hit on your ugliest friend, so that now you have a man's name to give her when she cries that "No man ever pays attention to me"...
Dear Sarah, KSK is affectionately known to some as the Gay Mafia. I'd hate to disparage the competition, but (GAY) have you ever (VERY GAY) wondered who that some (JOHNNY WEIR WAS EMBARRASSED BY HOW FLAMING THEY WERE) were?...
Deer Sarah, Although I have grate grammer like you, I cannot spell Inda, India, whatever the Colts city is. Go Bers!...
Dear Sarah, like the 1985 Bears, I wish to give it to the needy. We can discuss semantics about the meaning of "it" and "needy" in Miami...
Dear Sarah, we have a lot in common. You went to an Ivy League school, and my school...had poison ivy around the buildings...
Dear Sarah, in the right lighting, I am a poor woman's Ben Affleck. Oops, poor women don't like Ben Affleck either...
Oh ok, one halfway true draft. Dear Sarah, my boss will kill me when I send in my so-called project due tomorrow. Please, you owe it to me at least to get my ashes into the Super Bowl. For giggles, give them to Rex and tell him it's the "good stuff." Thanks!
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteThe Bang Bus will be driving through south beach next week. You're on it.
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I thought you whore yourself out for tickets.
Can I go?
My Draft:
ReplyDeleteMy rain on Spain will fall mainly near her brain.
Do I win?
Ms. Spain -
ReplyDeleteIf I win, I promise to leave you and your friends alone, save using the three of you to get into the South Beach clubs.
Deal?
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteAfter the game, I'll bang you real hard.
--Rex
"razor wit" rhymes with "pancake tits." but rhyming verse might not be the key to your poem, PKCMA. I'm hearing the next line ending in "vulva." -Seamus Heaney
ReplyDeleteI hate her.
ReplyDeleteDeerSaruh,
ReplyDeleteCoachO wanagotaduhSupaBow! CoachO luvsa PaytuhnMannun becuzhizbruddah Eli hasda REBBAHPRIDE!
CoachO alsuhluvhimsum TIGOLBITTIES! HOOO-EEE! CoachO sezdembilt FOCUMFERTFOSHO!
Saruh, ifyouletta CoachOgotodaSuperBow, CoachOgunaletyou cometahOxfuh an seeda Rebahplay! I gityouinda frunro!
Signed,
CoachO
P.S. GO BEARS! CoachO likeada Luveee Smif. CacohOalsoliketadodah SupaBowShuffuhl onada boobies indatder picshya! HOOOOO-EEEE!
Dear Sarah:
ReplyDeleteWhy take a guy? Do a Girls Weekend Out! Get drunk, find the hotel where all the media's at and troll for players! That's what you really want to do, isn't it? Why advertise for some lame guy who's going to sit in the bar and pout while you're stalking Brian Urlacher? If you're going to whore yourself out, aim high!
Love,
LRA
To whom it may concern,
ReplyDeleteCongrats on those real breasts- proudly crammed into a Wonderbra and shoved in the faces unsuspecting football fans, the job offers from marketing firms- they're obviously interested in that Ivy League degree, and the use of every annoying font style known to humanity, all in one Myspace page.
I can smell the bandwagon from here, and it smells like a bathroom after a frat party.
If for whatever reason I'd whored myself on eBay to get Superbowl tickets last year... and someone (even some douchebag from a 'cologne' company) subsequently handed me 4, there is no fucking way I'd have to make a Myspace page to find someone to go with me.
Then again, maybe I should start wearing my Terrible Towel as a shirt. So, thanks for the idea.
Thanks,
management
ps. Please heed this advice: do not attempt to get with #54. You know where he's been, and as much as you may want to conquer him- no one, not even you, should holler at Paris Hilton's sloppy seconds.
I'm going to throw up.
ReplyDeleteForget it, posers. Salisbury has already e-mailed her a camera phone pic of his junk, he's in like Flynn.
ReplyDeleteAngel Sarah and "Hot" Carl Monday loving companions. Christmas Angels. Angel Sarah's presence: think, feel, love, see all around. Affirmed. My Sentimental Friends. My Love, Dee Mirich. -- Dee Mirich, 40; Merrillville, IN, U.S.A.
ReplyDeleteDear Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be perfectly honest here . If you take me I guaruntee you get laid.
love,
MDG
Mike wins.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
Henry Higgins
Dear Sarah,
ReplyDeleteYou aren't that good looking, and your tits are not that impressive. Nonetheless, I'm sure that some NFL Player would be happy to use you as a jizz-jug this week in south beach. Oh yeah, one last thing, I hope the bears win.
Love,
Little Nicky Dechesarey
know for fact that at least one KSK contributor has plans to throw his hat in the ring (Hint: it's not Drew
ReplyDeleteOdds its caveman are 2:3
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI want to enlist in the Armada. I bet $45 on the Bears to cover so I like REALLY want to go...oh, and I can get Lions tickets any time I want so I'll totally get you back.
Considering how she got attention in the first place, it's a crime if she doesn't take the Caveman.
ReplyDeleteBecause, you know, anyone who tries to sell themselves on eBay twice would obviously have the upstanding morals to ensure she took the one that basically got her the tickets, right?
Or, someone with a Porsche and a popped collar. I'm sure it'll be one of the two.
The Rain on Spain
ReplyDeleteFalls Mainly in her Plane...
Dear Sarah,
ReplyDeleteWith you in Miami this week, Jenn Sterger would only be the second hottest chick with fake tits in the state of Florida.
So, where can I pick up my ticket?
Sniffing Your Panties Already,
Chamomiles Davis
omg, I would like totally watch The Spain Event or whatever.
ReplyDeletehttp://hoosierjoe.blogspot.com/2007/01/im-going-to-super-bowl.html
ReplyDelete