Well, here we are. Time to pick the games. Your picks welcome in the comments.
Drew:
Saints 31, Bears 21 (in which the "Fuck Da Eagles" girl shows up wearing a "Fuck Da Bears" shirt, to which Rex Grossman replies, "I'm right here, honey.")
Colts 23, Patriots 10 (and the longest two weeks of your life begin)
Caveman:
Saints 38, Bears 13. My feeling, you see, is that the Saints are a much better team.
Patriots 27, Colts 20. Things that can happen in this game that could become irritating story lines the media would fawn over: Tom Brady plays heroically. Peyton Manning plays heroically. Peyton Manning fails spectacularly. Peyton Manning throws more than one touchdown pass to Marvin Harrison. Peyton Manning films a commercial at halftime. Adam Vinatieri kicks a game-winning field goal. Adam Vinatieri misses a game-winning field goal. Adam Vinatieri attempts a field goal.
I would, however, enjoy a Manning-Brady postgame makeout session at midfield. Or a Sum of All Fears-esque radiological attack. It's in Indianapolis. We don't want that city anyway.
Unsilent:
Saints 35, Bears 31 (the most exciting game of the season ends with Will Smith ripping the ball away from Rextasy who accidentaly coated his hands with KY Warming Jelly)
Patriots 31, Colts 28 (some kicker that's supposed to never miss shanks the 24-yarder that would have sent the game to overtime)
Punter:
Bears 13, Saints 6. I hope we see snow and boobies. I will settle for snow.
Colts 31, Pats 29. Look for Laser Rocket Arm vs. Sex Cannon in SB XLI.
flubby:
Bears 24, Saints 13 (Chicago: prepare your daughters for Rextacy's Postgame Fuck-a-palooza.
Patriots 30, Colts 17 (Two weeks away from Super Bowl XX rematch. I call dibs on the Rod Rust jokes.)
Ape:
Steelers 27, Colts and Pats 13
My cat 19, Bears and Saints 3
Falco:
Saints --, Bears --
Patriots --, Colts --
I hope we see snow and boobies. I will settle for snow.
ReplyDeleteI'll settle for boobies.
Boobies over snow, big time.
ReplyDeleteSaints 28, Bears 20.
Pats 17, Colts 13.
Saints 38 (displaced Katrina Victims wearing Hebert jerseys), Bears 14 (Rextacy illegitimate children born in 9 months and one day).
ReplyDeleteColts 34 (times Cooper sacked Eli in the backyard), Patriots 27 (excuses from Peter King on Tom Brady's off-day the next morning)
Peter King will settle for either Brady's or Manning's cock.
ReplyDeleteHurricanes (the drink, not Katerina) 27 Sausage clogged Arteries 24.
Barbaro's Hoof 31 Masshole Chowdaheads 28
Umm...who's playing again? I haven't heard.
ReplyDeletePeyton- 24, Brady- 20
Mom Hater-23, Sexy Rexy- 10
I just can't decide on who to pick! I was waiting to see Falco's insightful views onto the games to decide my picks...
ReplyDeleteAh well.
Bears 34 - Saints 28: Bears D scores more than Rex does, Bush gets pummeled by Urlacher like no Bush has ever been pummeled before.
Colts 82 - Pats 80: Total shootout, Harrison catches 5 TD's, Wayne catches 5 TD's, Clark catches every fucking thing else; Brady runs for 8 TD's when Dillon can't snag a 1 yd TD, Tedy catches 2 TD's on "trick" plays;
And that certain kicker scores the final FG.
Bears 31, Saints 10, the Saints bandwagon bursts into flames and explodes down Lake Shore Drive.
ReplyDeleteColts 38, Patriots 24. Tom Brady can go back to tagging Gisele. Peyton can make an attempt to be the anti-Marino. Boston fans can go back to drinking Sam Adams that is about the same temperature as their collective IQs.
Gay Fetishists = 24
ReplyDeleteMissionaries from Utah = 13
Peter King's secret fantasy = 31
Bill Simmons' late-night fever dream = 24
Bourbon 30
ReplyDeletePolish Sausage 9
Gisele 28
Kenny 27
Rextasy who accidentaly coated his hands with KY Warming Jelly that shit get surprisingly sticky...
And Andre Waters X, don't know who ya are or where ya came from, but more power to ya with that name.
My cat's name is Ditka.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, FUH REAL picks:
Colts 23, Pats 21
Bears 17, Saints 14
Bear 27, Saints 17
ReplyDeleteColts 31, Pats 14
Me 2, Caveman 0
Ain'ts over BEARS
ReplyDeletePats over COLTS
Bears 31 Saints 28
ReplyDeleteRextacy then proceeds to bend Rachel Nichols over at the 50 yard line and show the women of Miami what they are in for in two weeks.
Pats 23 Colts 21
All though I hope Caveman's prediction of a sum of all fears type ending holds true.
Wait, what if the Halftime Show IS the blowing up of Baltimore? You know, just for fun and because we got nothing better to do.
ReplyDeletePosted early=
ReplyDeleteBears 38
Aints 35
Bears will be winnging through out with a late surge by the Saings
Saints will be destracted by Grossman getting hummers from women in Catholic School girl uniforms while still in the huddle.
And the fact that the Saints bench is closer to the lake. They can hear the waves crashing!!!
Colts 18
Patriots 14
Venatari hits 6 FG's while Bill Simmons is still watching the San Diego game last week to see if their were any other key plays for the Pats win beside Troy Brown stripping the ball after the interception.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/070119
picking completly out of my ass:
ReplyDeletesaints 24 - bears 20
colts 31 - pats 20
I have to go to a wedding this Sunday! It's like God hates me.
ReplyDeletewhat a wiener-ific excuse
ReplyDeleteswing4, heaven does hate you: you're an Eagles fan.
ReplyDeleteBears 23 Saints 13
ReplyDeletePatriots 27 Colts 23
Unsilent, call me when you get to LA. I'll be sure to take you to El Segundo and leave you for dead.
ReplyDeleteBears 31, Saints 30
ReplyDeleteIs everyone forgetting how SHITTY the Saints play on real grass in open stadiums this year? As a Packer fan, I want the Bears to choke badly, but I just got this feeling in my gut that they're going to pull it (out) off.
Oh, and I think Lovie Smith reads this blog, because today at a press conference in Chicago he actually referenced the Sex Cannon as being a decent married man. Actually, I don't know if he said "decent" but he actually said married. As if saying that is going to stop the media from beating the "Good Rex/Bad Rex" sound bite to death. Fuck me.
And could someone pull a fucking Tonya Harding on Bill Belicheck? Maybe throw some Sarin in his sweatshirt? I can't stand the Patriots.
Saints - 27
ReplyDeleteBears - 20
I don't want that at all, I'm testing my reverse-jinx theory. I don't have a tree to decorate, but dammit, I want to throw panties with abandon in honor of the Cumslinger.
Indy - 31
Patriots - 24
It will hurt my feelings so much when I am forced to look at the face of a horse fetus for two weeks instead of the Dreamboat. Fortunately, I believe one of the networks HAS to be smart enough to put Tommy in a suit and have him on screen anyway. For the ladies. Because if that's why they have Katie fucking Couric doing ANYTHING during the pre-game, they are sadly mistaken about what girls want.
And, holy shit - WV = tihtz. Beauty!
Bears 70 - Saints 20
ReplyDelete10 Hester punt returns and 10 Hester safeties as he runs backward through his own endzone.
Colts 3 - Pats 0 (6OT)
Brady drop-kicks the winning FG through his own uprights as time expires in the 6th OT to end the worst and longest NFL game ever played.
Midwest cheeseburger boobies all around.
Saints 26 - Bears 23: Saints will score early and hold on. Deuce and Reggie put on a show, put Urlacher on his ass. Grossman doesn’t lose it but is nothing special.
ReplyDeleteColts 20 - Patriots 13: It will be close all the way, but this time Peyton gets to be the pitcher and Brady the catcher. Addai will actually be the game MVP, making everyone forget Edge ever left.
Eagles - 24
ReplyDeleteSeahawks - 10
Chargers - 32
Ravens - 12
Those are my picks and I'm sticking to 'em!
Bobby (Boobie?) Hebert said this week that the Saints winning the SB would be the greatest story in the history of sports. Given the A) ability of Hebert to misread everything, from secondaries to the history of sports, and B) the monkey's paw wrapped firmly around the Saints' Fleur-de-lis logo, that's like throwing into triple coverage after wiping your ass with a black cat.
ReplyDeleteBears 31, Destiny 21
As for the AFC:, Dungy+Manning Face+Curse of the Baltimore Colts < Brady's Nutsack+Coach Cylon+Peter King's Gravitational Pull.
Stadium of Everybody 41, Moooovers 38
for those who watch comedy central, the scrubs commercial;
ReplyDeleteWrong wrong wrong wrong,
wrong wrong wrong wrong.... you're wrong...!