Jesus Christ. Can't I just have a nice NFL postseason without you two douchebags? You two are like a breath of stale air. GO THE FUCK AWAY. Here are my options for rooting interests next Sunday:
A) Patriots
B) Colts
C) Fucking Global Thermonuclear War
Like it's even a choice. Guhhhhhhhhh... NFC! NFC! NFC!
Don't worry Drew, this year will be different. The Colts are going to win.
ReplyDeleteWait, that doesn't really help, does it?
Bwa-hah-hah-hah-hah-hahh!
ReplyDelete(BTW, I still have no idea how the Pats just beat a much stronger team. Oh wait - they were coached by Marty "regular season" Schottenheimer.)
Bwa-hah-hah-hah-hah-hahhh!
Tom Brady: You look so nice in that suit and striped tie.
ReplyDeletePeyton Manning: Thanks man, my brother has a great blazer like the one you're wearing.
Tom Brady: I'm so hard right now.
Peyton Manning: Let's take off our clothes and fuck in Tony Dungy's locker.
(Peter King wakes up from a Star Bucks-induced coma, realizing it's only a dream)
Here are my options for rooting interests next Sunday:
ReplyDeleteA) Patriots
B) Colts
C) Fucking Global Thermonuclear War
If this were the Sex Cannon the options would be
A) Fucking Ashleigh van Gerven
B) Fucking them
C) Fucking Fucking Global Thermonuclear War - His orgasms are V2 - Rockets
Fuck. Now I have to listen to yet ANOTHER week of the sports writers giving Brady verbal fellatio.
ReplyDeleteStupid fuck who couldn't figure out it was 4th fucking down and just dropped the ball instead of going for the pick!
Prick!
Don't hate! The game went perfectly as planned, keep it close and let Brady drive them at the end. Just an incredible win against a team that had homefield and totally dominated the stats. This league is a quarterback league, building depth for yearly injuries and coaching. All checks for the Pats.
ReplyDeleteBring on Horsehead, cuz' I know he is shitting in his pats right now. Cut that meat!
Let's see: in victory, Brady threw three picks and Peyton only two.
ReplyDeleteEdge: Slitting my throat.
I pick C.
ReplyDeleteCA - good one. But going into SD with a week's rest wasn't going to be pretty, SD was loaded on both sides of the ball and Peyton should have had four picks. You may hate the Pats and are sick of them but what a fucking win. There was more than a couple of chancesa that SD could have strectched it to a couple of scores and caused serious trouble.
ReplyDeleteok Bill Simmons, stop logging in as beantown and get back to fucking the sports gal while pretending she's Tom Brady.
ReplyDeleteOn the upside: maybe Brady and Manning will be too busy playing in the postseason to make any Superbowl commercials.
ReplyDeleteI do hope that Schottenheimer reveals what he did to piss off God so much. I'd hate to inadvertently bring that kind of wrath on myself.
How about a nice game of chess?
ReplyDeletein the early 90's, i hated the cowboys. hated them. to be more specific, i hated every last annoying bandwagon fan who crawled out of the woodwork, clutching their cowboys jersey and swearing up and down to anyone who would listen that they were cowboys fans "when they were 1 and 15!!!"
ReplyDeletebullshit. they were fans of sucking balls when the cowboys were 1 and 15.
never once during this period did it ever occur to me to hate troy aikman. or emmitt smith. or hell, even michael irvin. why would i? seems kinda stupid. it wasn't their fault that their fans (including the ones in sports media) were so frickin' annoying.
so, i'm puzzled by the anti-brady and anti-manning fervor. now, you might say that as a pats fan, it's only natural that i would be anti-anti-brady fervor. but by that same logic, i would be totally on board with the anti-manning fervor, and i'm not. again, why would i? first of all, he's, like, really good at football. some of you who watch the sport may have noticed that. no? ok, never mind.
as an added bonus, he's never been pulled over with 6 handguns in his car. he's never been present in a strip club when a member of his entourage shot someone. to my knowledge, neither brady nor manning have ever done anything truly stupid or obnoxious, which seems to put them in a relatively small group in the nfl. and yet, these are the best guys you can find to hate. because they succeed and don't make asses out of themselves. nice job.
Pats vs Colts XVI the whole nation loses
ReplyDeleteBrady vs. Manning? For anyone not named Simmons, "The only winning move is not to play."
ReplyDeletePersonally, I'd let the WOPR figure it out.
"You have two choices: Option A or Option B."
ReplyDelete"I'll take Option C."
"Travis, there is no Option C."
"Big boy, there's always an Option C."
ES - so out comes being lucky again. You win 3 out of 5 super bowls and have another great win against the number one team (the pundits would say) and it's luck right? Pretty soon you just got to admit it isn't luck. What do you need like fucking 6 super bowls in a row before you just say, OK they might have something down there at Gillette!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes Ross, I might make my girl where a Brady jersey and do her from behind tonight. Good times...
Did the Chargers sign "With Love" or "Best Wishes" on the tag that went with that gift wrapped game?
ReplyDeleteDP - rookie QB! Soo make that 1 out of 14 of the last QBs playing in their first playoff game to win. And the Patriots are 5-0 against the last five MVPs of the league, you know if anybody is keeping score.
ReplyDelete"you play two win the game" - Herm Edwards.
beantown: delhomme and big ben both won their first starts in the postseason. there have been 13 others to start a playoff game for the first time since big ben's win?
ReplyDeletebeantown - yes, lucky and good. Lucky that the Chargers bailed his ass out and good enough to drive for the last field goal.
ReplyDeletePass the razor this way when the rest of you are done.
How can you even say that your not intrigued by the matchup. Its two of the best teams with two of the best coaches and two of the best players at the quarterback position. You may have seen it before but its like Ali v Frazier, and I wont mind watching it again.
ReplyDeleteMoneymouth, don't forget to keep the box of Kleenex by the TV. You're mother is tired of carpet stains in her basement.
ReplyDeleteMarty Schottenheimer cost the Chargers a chance to win that game with his dumbass challenge of the McRee fumble.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have a lawyer on retainer, so I would know.
Yay Patriots!
ReplyDeleteSchottenheimer made three killer bonehead decisions.
1. Going for it on 4th and 11 in the first quarter when they could have kicked a 47 yard field goal.
2. The weird challenge after the INT-turned-fumble
3. Watching a Patriot getting tackled and then waiting 25 seconds before calling timeout with 2:15 left. A total waste of that final timeout.
I used to defend Schottenheimer as being a good coach. I totally take it back.
Thanks, Marty!
You all know I get happy in my pants over Tom Brady.
ReplyDeleteAnd even I wanted San Diego to win. I need a new fucking storyline! Please, if there is a god, let Rex Grossman become a Super Bowl quarterback...
Rextacy does not deserve a Super Bowl Ring. Go Peyton! This is your year muthafucka!!!!
ReplyDelete(no offense Becky and all other women who want to fuck the cum out of Tom Brady...but he does not need to be on our radars again)
Peyton Manning is a human wasteland devoid of personality and charisma. In five years or so, after his joints start aching and the hits take their toll, he'll hang up his cleats without ever winning a Super Bowl, go home and weep as he fellates a .45 revolver and spares us from Dan Marino 2.0 on NFL coverage. And I think we should all thank him for it.
ReplyDeleteTom Brady, on the other hand, has sex with lots of hot chicks and wins Super Bowls. I would party with him if there were no Sex Cannon.
It's a moot point, though: no one is beating the Saints this year. The Rog wants them to win.
Of course, they could both pull hammys in warmups and we see a Jim Sorgi-Vinny Testaverde AFC Championship!
ReplyDeleteThe best thing that could happen is the Bears winning the Super Bowl. Not only could we get 2 weeks of Sex Cannon jokes leading up to the Super Bowl, but the post celebration orgy jokes could be endless. Let's go cumslinger, KSK nation advises you to fire at will.
ReplyDeleteI am quite hungover after drinking an entire gallon of Skyy AFTER the game.
ReplyDeleteI just re-read the Peter King/Tony Romo sex post..and inserted Marty for King. I feel a little better but I am still hungover, and will be hoping the Saints win from here out.
Jets fans are so cute aren't they? LIke how they thought they had a chance going into Gillette the week before during the playoffs, that's just precious!
ReplyDeleteBrady wins AGAIN!
ReplyDeleteThe Fucking Patriots and the Fucking Colts. Ugh. Does anyone have a blunt instrument that I can use to brain myself?
ReplyDeleteC. No question.
ReplyDeleteThis might be the single greatest blog post ever. Agreeance.
ReplyDeletewow...... Some heavy thoughts going here. For a minute I thought I was listening to 15 year son's buddys all talking. some where really funny though. All I can say is GO PATS..... This luck/success doesn't last forever, so enjoy it while ya got it cuz next year it could be some other team.
ReplyDeleteI like Peyton but I hate Peyton. I rooted somewhat for the Jets until the Tuna spoiled and turned green. Herm Edwards, good man, bring him to Foxborro. You guys can keep Maggot-ginni and that pussy Chadwicks of Pennington. Its all fun and may the owner with the most money pay off the officials.... kinda like with the Steelers last year.... we all the Seahawks were robbed. By the way... where is the steel jock strap now ? oh.... at home like the rest of us... only most of them have a couple mil in the bank.
We gripe because we've made these gamers what they are today. RICH....... Good day.
The longer I looked at that picture of Tom and Peyton, the more I to realizee how gay they both are? Tom has that "I just pumped Peyton's ass full of nut-butter" look on his face. Does anyone else see that?
ReplyDeleteWannabetom is perhaps the stupidest person ever to comment on this blog, if only by suggesting that the Rooneys paid lots of money for anything, even a Super Bowl title.
ReplyDeleteAlso: I hope to fucking God the Pats get Herm Edwards for a head coach.
Don't worry you guys can fuck with me when the Sox meltdown after the All-Star break like every year!
ReplyDeleteChristmas Ape - you understood what wannabetom was saying? You get props just for that...
I hate all the options for Super Bowl winners.
ReplyDeletePats? Same shit, different day. And I wouldn't do Tom Brady with my fat cousin's cooz.
Colts? Manning finally cements his legacy, gets the monkey off his back, yada yada yada. Go film another commercial. I'd call him a fucking sellout, but you can't sell out unless you had some integrity to begin with.
Saints? God's anointed miracle babies, each and every one of whom saved a puppy from drowning. Puke.
Bears? Worst.One-seed.EVAR! The best hope there is that Rexstacy throws three picks, Lovie pulls him for Griese, Griese gets his leg broken in Theismannesque fashion, and we get The Neckbeard.
Christ. I'm going to go beat myself to death with my own stiletto heel so I don't have to watch this shit.
And I say this as a Bears fan.
beantown, fuck em. Their team is Struggggggling. GO BRADY! GO PATS! GO HOODIE! I can't see Brady over Peyton enough fuckin' times. I am living for sunday.
ReplyDelete