The NFL preseason is nigh! And while the NFL preseason blows, it sure beats the fuck out of baseball. We'll also get a sneak preview of NBC's brand new Sunday Night coverage. Dick Ebersol, pick your theme music wisely! Theme music is half the battle. FOX has been milking "Sleigh Ride" for 10 years now. And CBS has that dogshit new music with the raps that were clearly written by a white person to open their games. Last time NBC had the NFL, you used a score by Randy Newman. Never do that again, or I'll fucking kill you.
To celebrate the opening of another illustrious NFL television season, we bring you a brand new contributor: Christmas Ape! Yes, Christmas Ape has a long, distinguished career in journalism. He was a beat reporter for Velvet magazine, executive editor for Town & Country, and once published a newsletter that concentrated strictly on collecting antique railroad timetables. Now that's diverse interests! What a guy!
So welcome Ape to the KSK family, won't you? He's the Makeout King of Montana!
Christmas Ape wins.
ReplyDelete"He's the makeout king of Montana."
ReplyDeleteSo his would kiss cows and other livestock? Because we both know that there are no people in Montana and certainly no women.
Ummm, I am from Montana. Your argument is futile k. smith.
ReplyDeleteDoes Christmas Ape actually live in Montana? If so, which part?
I should have checked his profile before I start asking questions.
ReplyDeleteYou may remember Christmas Ape from such Washington, DC classics as "The President's Neck is missing" and "Out with Gout '88".
ReplyDeleteAlways good to see DC represented (again) on KSK.
Did he kill Footsteps Falco in a dome battle for the 5th spot?
ReplyDeleteApe has bee on fire the last couple weeks on Deadspin. Excellent pickup off the waiver wire.
ReplyDeletehaha, nobody lives in montana
ReplyDeleteThank you Unsilent, thank you.
ReplyDeleteThat stings a little.
Montana is fucking awesome--I'm moving there someday to live out the twilight of my life
ReplyDeleteJacques Bauer knows what's up. Nice name, by the way. I am rather sure that I will have to leave the state for a job in my field, but definitely want to return.
ReplyDeleteI guess I get to be the resident Montana expert in this discussion (maybe because I am one of the few Montanans that knows how this internets thingy works, just kidding). I have been to Flathead Lake once. I agree that it is bar none the most beautiful place I have ever been. I had to drive from the other side of the state which was probably about 600 miles or so. It was worth the trip and now that I live in the western side of the state, I may have to travel up there one more time.
ReplyDeleteI hope actually claiming that I am born and raised in Montana doesn't detract my credibility (if I have any, that is).
The addition of Christmas Ape is fantastic. Along with BDD, UM, and CC, this blog now makes me 37% less suicidal.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, Footsteps Falco makes me 12.7% more suicidal. I kid. But not really.
the next person to mention montana isn't getting desert
ReplyDeleteDo you mean dessert? Because I could really go for a barren or desolate area right about now.
ReplyDeleteoy
ReplyDelete... still waitin' by the phone for a "You want to do our weekly CFL post?" call ...
ReplyDeleteApes-a-poppin'!
ReplyDelete