The Weblog Awards: A Photo Essay

It's finally official: for whatever reason, the Weblog Awards people didn't strip us of our title, so you can expect another 12 months or so of us referring to ourselves as "award-winning" and the "Best Sports Blog." I'm sure it won't get old at all.

Some people seem to be opposed to our victory in the bullshit election process, probably because after Deadspin, the #1 referrer to KSK is usually a Google search of "bukkake."

I take umbrage to that. We provide a vital service to people looking for important information. For example, last night, while looking through our site referrals, I found that someone came to KSK by conducting the following Google search (and I quote):

how big should my dick be im 15
And there are people who think TrueHoop's a better blog. Pfff.

With that, here's our self-congratulatory victory lap, as told in images.







(The answer, of course, is no fewer than 10 inches fully erect. Less than that and you'll never write for KSK. Although if you're under three inches, SI.com is hiring.)

Zip Codes? They Mean Nothing. The First Ever KSK Reader Mail Bukkake

I went to a holiday party this weekend. I told two people I won a blogging award. I may was well have whipped out a Starfleet Academy student ID. This award blows. A Cable Ace award has more cachet. I need to a better award, like Girthiest Schlong, or Best Hair (Seriously, my hair is gorgeous. Thick. Full. Lustrous. Men and women alike swoon over it.).

Now, there are two ways to do a mailbag. You can either post the question and then answer it, or you can do what Dr. Z does and simply write the answers, leaving every other reader utterly baffled as to what the question was.

To John in Lexington, you know what? You're right. It was a fly pattern. And thanks for the Barolo.

Wait, what?

I think we'll do it the first way. Let's cream this cracker. Some emails were cut down a bit, but otherwise most are posted as written, even including your spelling and grammar mistakes. Let it be your mark of shame.

Dear Dr. Drew - I am a Vikings fan, like yourself, and wonder what your thoughts are on the total suckness that is Brad Johnson of late. Do you happen to think that he’s intentionally throwing games because he's paid about as much as Mike Epps these days and is trying to make a point? Or does he truly suck, and is not worth bringing back next year? Statistically Brad Johnson's year is an anomaly, which is why I believe he's throwing games. Your thoughts?

Thanks,
Josh Benesh , MN

Well Josh, the clitoris is located just above the entry point of... oh, I'm sorry. It said Dr. Drew, so I put on my "sensible sex therapist" hat for just a moment. If Brad Johnson threw a game, it would only go 3 yards. Is he worth bringing back next year? Uh, no. I'd rather have Mike Buck. T-Jack looked good against the Jets. Anyone would in relief of Oldie McNoodlearm.

Pac or B.I.G.?, or any other rap artist you deem the best at his/her craft and don't tell me you'd rather stick a fork in your eye than listen to rap. Oh yeah, would you let Nate Newton solely deliver what's obviously going to be a surplus of fan-mail for BDD? He might be interested.

-Sean, Dallas, Texas

You're asking me a hip hop question? Has my complete and utter whiteness not been made perfectly obvious? I like hip hop, but like rock, you have to wade through an awful lot of shit to find something good. Anyway, my two favorite hip hop artists are A Tribe Called Quest and The Pharcyde, which is the answer all 30-year-old white people give. But damn if "Electric Relaxation" doesn't make me want to dry hump anything within a 10-yard radius (daughter excluded). And, so no one calls me a copout, I'll take Tupac. But both are excellent drinking music.

Oh, and I got 24 emails. Sean Landeta could deliver this mailbag.

what up drew,
what do you think the chances are that vince young will be the first quarterback (to my knowledge) to undergo tommy john surgery?

Dave, Iowa

Good point. But when you're Vince Young, you can pull off throwing like a girl. He could play in a tutu and still be a badass. But wait, Dave has more:

oh a side note, about rex grossman. I've heard an inordinate ammount of stories about the "sex cannon's" past drug use, prior to entering the nfl. I've no idea how true any of them are, but it makes you wonder. this would include:
-Smoking up before each of his high school fb games. not a huge deal really.
-But then there's the nickname "Rexstacy" from his Florida days.
-Then there's a buddy of mine who moved out to LA for a few years. He bounced around, and was kinda being a bum. Anyhow, he met a kid who went to Florida. The kid from Florida claimed that his roomate used to sell Grossman coke.

Now, I don't know how true any of this is, at all, but to misuse the classic Terrell Owens quote, "if it looks like a rat, and it smells like a rat, by golly it's rat."

Rexstacy is a damn near perfect nickname. I can hear him throwing a TD and screaming, "Oh, I'm in the throes of rexstacy, sluts!" As for the coke, I think that's obvious from his play on the field.

Whats up with your unnatural obsession with bukkake?

PS: spell check for bukkake comes up Hanukkah
-lbutler

Well, when I was a kid, I accidentally fell into this sand pit someone had dug at the beach. I screamed for help, but the only people that came were a group of drunken lifeguards. And, instead of helping me, they...

I think I've said too much. Let's move on.

So, how much cocaine does Chris Berman go through in a given day?

-A.I.

Not as much as Rexstacy. Weren't you supposed to be traded by now?

What happened to Footsteps Falco?
dale, San Fran. CA

Falco is regarded by many as the quiet genius of our group. You don't know this, but Falco volunteered early on to drop 65 tabs of LSD a day and email us with whatever was currently going on in his mind. Here's an excerpt:

"riverrun, past adam and eve's, and HOLY FUCK A CHIMERA! AGGGGGHHHH THE FIRE! THE FIRE STINGS MY GUMS!!!! HE FEASTS UPON MY INSIDES! No, no, no, mother! Don't come at me with that paring knife! Little Billy was only eight! Who took my Dunkaroos? Whoever took my Dunkaroos, there will be hell to pay!!!! I like paint. Why are the walls all flapping?!"

Clearly, he's our Syd Barrett.

Can you name the last time you witnessed something so sad as a second year, 6th round QB getting his first chance to start on national television only to have his teammates railroad him like a rented stripper at a 90's Cowboys late night? Derek Anderson did just about everything he could to win, but between the miriad of dropped passes, the complete impotence of the running game, and the general construction crew work ethic (and talent level) of the defensive line the Cleveland Browns got raped on pseudo-national television. Neat-o gang!

-Dan, Cleveland

Don't hold back, Dan. Tell me exactly how you feel. The tragedy of the Browns is just how untalented they are. Even Oakland and Arizona fall ass backwards into a good player now and then. There are two talented players on the Browns: Winslow and Braylon. And they are both Class A buttfucks.

How many sportscasters will miss the unintentional comedy of Mississippi State having a football recruit named Mike Hunt?

-Lou Pickney

Unintentional comedy? Sorry, we only traffic in intentional comedy here, since we know how to write actual jokes, instead of pointing out things we think are funny.

I actually managed to get the signature Mike Hunt into my senior class' yearbook (the one they put in the school library). However, the other joke name I wrote, Heywouldyouliketo Suckmyhairycock, was too clever by half.

Great blog, but there's just one thing, KSK: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
-Brad K.

What the fuck you talking about?

Drew,

Which hype ridden college quarterback do you think Al Davis is most likely to ruin the career of through the simple act of drafting him Troy Smith, Brady Quinn, or someone else entirely? Or will the Raiders completely ignore the QB issue and make the brilliant move of drafting another offensive lineman? Because surely the only issue with Aaron Brooks is the lack of protection, I mean seriously that guy is a new right guard away from MVP quality numbers right?

Thank You,
Warren Niffenegger

Warren, your last name is totally racist. The Raiders will draft Brady Quinn. And he'll suck. But, I assure you, it won't be because he was "ruined".

Would it be ok to root for my team (the Rams) to lose with the hope that the losing would lead to more winning? Your thoughts would be most likely uneducated, but somewhat appreciated.

Yours in sports addiction and wasting time on the Internets,
Brad_Lee from St. Louis

No, it's not all right. Rooting against your team never works and makes you feel like an ass. So don't do it. Unless you have money against them. Or a fantasy player playing against them. Or... eh, what the fuck do I care? It's the Rams. Send death threats to the front office, for all I care. It's not like they haven't done likewise.

Why is the media so unwilling to give Parcells credit for being the first lesbian head football coach in the National Football League?
Thanks. I'll hang up and listen.
Bad Barbecue

You're right. The pleated khaki shorts seal it. Parcells sucks pussy! All he needs now is a Cavalier King Charles that looks like him.

You're a raving anti-dentite!! Next you'll be saying is they should have their own schools.

Kevin

But they do have their own schools!

Hey Drew
As a fellow Vikings fan, would it be safe to mail the rest of the season in and start looking back at the glory days of our favorite team?

MN Dudeman

Why don't you just cheer for the fucking Rams, assfuck?

Who is your least favorite player in the NFL and why?

Up until last year I hated, hated Jerome Bettis. The way he would shake his head and basically jogged in place after making a 3 yard run would make me sick, but at least he was a good bowler.

Mike from Minneapolis

Besides Favre? Warren Sapp. He'll go the Hall of Fame one day and Jon Randle won't. All because he's nice to the media. Fuck him. Fucking fuckface fuckstick donkeyfuck. Fuck.

And Jeremy Shockey. Who the fuck likes Jeremy Shockey? He's the K-Fed of football. I hope he gets run over by a bike messenger.

Hypothetical: you get into a bar fight that spills into an alley. its you vs. about 5 big dudes, but you can pick one active NFL player to have your back. who are your top 5 choices? I guess, in essence, who are the 5 meastliest dudes out there in your opinion.

Mine:
1. Joey Porter- you know if guns come out he could take a bullet.
2. Gigantosaur- 'roid rage knows no pain.
3. Olin Kreutz- Broke Fred (6'7", 315 lb.) Miller's jaw at a FBI shooting range. That's a quality W if there ever was one.
4. Albert "no mercy" Haynesworth
5. Jamal Lewis- When everythings said and done, you can't discount experience.

yeah, I know I went obvious, but thats why you write blogs, and I sit in a cubicle and read them. Also, I think Ray Lewis lost a step, the snub was intentional.

-Sean F. (Astoria)

I go with Jeff Garcia, because he'd be attacked first. Which gives me time to run.

Dear Big Daddy Drew,

Please compare and contrast Wayne Fontes and The Heat Miser.

Yours In Fucking Off At Work,

J.T.

Wasn't Wayne Fontes generally regarded as a very nice man? Al Davis is a much better candidate to play the Villainous Jew Heat Miser, or the Other Villainous Jew Grinch.

Hey Drew,
What's the opposite of Measty?
-Steve Palefsky

Rumphy. But really, since Meast is defined here as half-meat, half-moist, you'd have to pick something dry and non-meaty. Nicole Ritchie's vagina, for instance. Guhhhhhh...

Hey BDD,

Just finished watching the 1130pm news here in the Whale's Vagina. The overly giddy sports dork casually mentioned that the Chargers press release for tomorrow's game is 35 pages, but the Broncos packet is 172 pages. For a game 14 weeks into the season, what in God's name would the Broncos need 172 pages to cover effectively? An in-depth breakdown of the strengths and weaknesses of each Charger Girl? What do you think this report contains? I need some edumacated insight here.
-The Angry Rant

Page 1 - Pass plays for Jay Cutler
Pages 2-171 - Chop blocking techniques
Page 172 - Instructions for handing Coach Shanahan. Instruction #1: Please turn Coach over in tanning bed once every hour or until crisp. Instruction #2: Please do not mention child-scaring overbite.

Please don't ever stop posting, my days in the office would become too much to handle.

Seriously, I've guessed the authors of the last 10 articles on KSK just by reading the article title on my RSS feeder, at what point does this streak become scary?

-Brandon

By the title alone is pretty impressive. Actually, it's not that hard to do it by content. You can usually guess the KSK author by the following criteria:

Drew: Mentions masturbation
CC: Mentions fighting in Iraq. Then mentions it again.
UM: Mentions Jewyness
Punter: Links to donkey porn
Flubby: Mentions hatred of you and the team you root for
Ape: Mentions... Christ, do we have to mention that fucking team again?
Falco: Mentions nothing.

There's your mailbag. If you thought the KSK mailbag was stupid, say so in the comments and we'll get rid of it. If you like it, send new questions to drsteuss1@yahoo.com or kissingsuzykolber@gmail.com. Be sure to include a link if you want us to link to your non-award-winning blog.

Wha?

The Saints lost at home to the Redskins. No, seriously. The offense that put up 44 against Dallas a week ago got just 10 against the lowly 'Skins.

Washington hasn't fucked New Orleans like this since Katrina.

What, too soon?

It's Official: Steelers NOT Worst Defending Champs Ever

Eat it, 1999 Denver Broncos.

With their seventh win of the season, this year's Steelers officially avoid the ignominy of having the worst record of a defending champ by Rumphing the Delhomme-less Panthers 37-3. And really, thank fuck for that. As much as I'm stilling reveling from last year, it tends to wear on one hearing enough of the Steelers detractors using the Murphy's Law-themed first half of this season as some sort of justification that last year's team was wholly undeserving of the Super Bowl title. Let's conveniently ignore that the team was 15-1 the year before, shall we?

There are far, far more suffering sports franchises out there, but I was born in 1982, so the extent of my Steelers glory prior to 2005 was four lost AFC Championship games at home and Neil O'Donnell's lancing of my soul. Having a team that gets tantalizingly close year to year but fails to close the deal is pretty damn dispiriting too.

Chances are Roethlisberger will get whatever brains he has remaining sorted out in the offseason and return somewhere close to form next year, provided the Steelers can firm up their O-line and rouse Cowher out of his fugue. Some fans might wonder whether Pittsburgh should tank its final two games to get better draft position. Under different circumstances, I might be inclined to agree, but they have the Ravens and Bengals coming up and I'll be damned if the Steelers should lie down for AFC North foes when they could instead injure all their key players hurt their playoff position.

And if I can break up the homerism a bit: the day after the Steelers won the Super Bowl I was called into work at 8 a.m. (I had gone to bed 4 a.m.-ish and had fervently requested the day off). I threw up on my lap on the drive into work (I was on the highway and couldn't pull over) and threw up again in the bathroom when I got to the office. My Seahawks (and Duke) supporting colleague, somehow not hungover himself, got in many a hearty laugh at my expense. So there, Seahawks, some minor measure of revenge. So let's be pals, you losers.

Gambling on the NFL, Because It's More Fun than Dreidel

...and you thought I there would be no gambling advice...

Disclaimer

While I may appear startlingly brilliant (or possibly not) you must remember that this is a humor site. Gamble at your own peril you meshugena bastards!

Welcome to a special Hannukah Saturday edition of Always Be Closing. Today we're going to take a look at the NFL Network's latest marketing catastrophe. Can Mike Vick actually win three in a row down the stretch? Will Dallas come out from under their cot after last week's jailhouse raping? Read on for all the answers you'll need to keep you in lamp oil for life!

If I weren't Jewish this might not come off quite right.

Dallas -4.5 at Atlanta

Atlanta may have won two in a row, but they're still 2-4 ATS and 2-4 straight up in the past six weeks. Now the team is going through some shit that might keep them off their game. Ron Mexico's brother/sidekick is getting sued for fuckin' the teenies and everybody thinks he should play running back. Then there was Jim Mora's little radio joke, which was a bit more deadpan than you'd expect from the son of Mora the Elder. I'm confident that Bill Parcells has figured out a way to turn this thing around. Most likely he let Tony Romo titty-fuck him.

In honor of the holiday, and because I love living up to the assumptions of others regarding our flagrant use of attractive women on our humble little site, here is the sexiest Jewess in the world not named Sarah Silverman.

As if she weren't great enough, her name is Bar

Enjoy your Saturday night football from whatever bar/basement you choose as your venue.

Informative? No. Enlightening? No. The Best F--king Sports Blog in the Universe? You Bet Your Sweet, Sweet Ass

What do you get when you threaten to humiliate a reporter's daughter, call Bill Simmons a fucktard, use the word "fuck" as a frequent writing crutch, post lots of YouTube clips as filler, and shamelessly suckle off the teat of Will Leitch?

A major fucking award, that's what.

That's right. Kissing Suzy Kolber has won the 2006 Weblog Best Sports Blog award. We're officially the best sports blog on the internet (um, pending verification). The entire internet. Even the Danish one. Lick it.

Now, I think you know what happens next: millions of dollars, international acclaim, a ruthless cocaine habit that knows no bottom, untold numbers of groupies banged and STD's contracted, and a bitter, bitter break up. But before all that happens next week, there are four groups of people who deserve our genuine thanks for helping us win this thing:


Will Leitch. Let's be honest. All Will had to do was say, "Hey, go vote for Deadspin!" a couple times and we would have been smoked like Chris Henry's rolling papers. Leitch let us win. And, man, does it feel good. I tell you, there's no more satisfying way to win anything. I'll take that shit every day and twice on Sunday. I'll even include a flattering picture of him as thanks. Who knew Annie Liebovitz was a Deadspin reader?

KSK came out of Deadspin, and I think it's fair to say that Deadspin has established itself as the finest sports site on the internet today. Not just among blogs. So Will's generosity and endorsement are most certainly appreciated.

Then again, Will gets paid. So fuck him.


Whoever nominated us. We didn't do it. We didn't even know the awards existed. Someone pointed it out to us. According to the awards site, here's how nominees were picked:

There was a call for nominations early in November for all of the categories. There were around 4,500 nominations overall for the various categories. The list of nominees was pared down by myself (Kevin Aylward) and a team volunteers. For the most part if a site was not nominated it wasn't even considered as a finalist, though in categories with a small number of nominees we had to do some research. In some cases blogs nominated in one category were shifted to other categories we felt were more appropriate.

It's clear now what occurred. Someone was kind enough to nominate us, and then Kevin mixed us up with George Will's Web Record of Erudite 1870's Baseball Recollections and Overly Pedantic Foreign Policy Commentary. Happens ALL THE FUCKING TIME. So thanks to whoever did that. You truly did the Lord's work. That Lord being Louis Cyphre, Crown Prince of Darkness.


Everyone who voted for us. Over 2,000 people voted for us. Well, not including the seven of us. Multiple times. And our friends and families and random passersby in the street who were also asked (strong-armed) to vote for us. Again, multiple times. So that leaves at least 4 of you. Frankly, the fact that anyone voted for us is both touching and a sign of the coming Rapture. No need for you to wear your clothes tomorrow. Jesus will take you au naturel. Heaven, apparently, is a nudist colony.

Thanks to everyone who voted for us. The fact that anyone reads this shit blows my mind every day. I cannot tell you how much we appreciate it. And finally, special thanks go out to...


Us. God, we're good. We're just so fucking good. I love me some virtual me.

Thanks again. It's all steeply downhill from here, lads!

NOTE: We've also had our sports blogging championship ring already commissioned. Have a look.













I think it looks quite sharp, no?

The Blogosphere Raves About KSK; KSK Raves About Cheerleaders

As we near the end of the Best Sports Blog election process, and the likelihod of self-congratulatory circle-jerking becomes ever more freakishly possible, I thought I'd take a look around the Interwebs to see what was being said about our little corner of the sports blogosphere.

No matter what happens with the Weblog Awards or -- in the grander scheme of things -- the future of this site, thanks, everybody, for taking notice of us. We're here only to have fun and share a few laughs about the NFL.

"The only NFL site worth reading." - Deadspin

"Hilarious deviants." - Dan Shanoff

"Kissing Suzy Kolber's upside potential [is] pretty much limitless." - Mister Irrelevant

"I strongly urge you to check out Kissing Suzy Kolber. Easily the funniest NFL-related site on the interwebs." - Marcel Mutoni

"'Is it OK to poke fun at [the T.O. pill overdose]?' I couldn’t do it myself, but… if you’re familiar at all with the Kissing Suzy Kolber blog, you can probably guess where they came down on the issue. Big. Fucking. Green light." - the mighty mjd

"Kissing Suzy Kolber is the funniest sportswriting on the Internet, now that The Sports Guy is in the business of reader responses and web chats." - Harvard Independent

"Warning - some comments may be offensive." - Scoopwatch

"One of the most sarcastic, meanest and -- yes -- funniest NFL blogs around." - Eye on Foxborough

"We're not sure if the blog name is ironic or not." - Sports Column Blog

"Either the guys [at KSK] are wonderful writers, or most sportswriting is bad... I'm going with the latter." - Two Guys Who Never Agree

"I won't include a link [to KSK], lest I be accused of peddling family-unfriendly material on this site." - Red State Sports

"If you all at KSK were even within striking distance of [Bill Simmons's] entertainment value, I would read you regularly. But you are not. So I do not. So fuck off. And please, please hold on tightly to your day jobs." - A commenter

"These people could care less about NASCAR, and they believe all of its fans are brainless inbreds with Confederate flag tattoos." - The Diecast Dude

"Kissing Suzy Kolber takes the low road in using a picture of a beautiful woman to entice readers to vote for them for best sports blog." - Baseball Musings

Ahhh, good times. Here's Janette from the Eagles, most recently seen at With Leather. Vote for us.

Raiders finally win a big one...

My Raiders scored their biggest victory in years this week, completely embarrassing the New England Patriots. No, this triumph did not occur within the confines of the gridiron. The NFL made it clear with the Tuck Rule, they have a formal, comprehensive policy designed to prevent the Raiders from ever winning a game against New England on the field. No, this was a cerebral victory of the over the NFL's most vaunted brain trust.

At the end of training camp this season, the Raiders traded wide receiver Doug Gabriel to the Patriots in exchange for a fifth round draft pick. On Tuesday, the Patriots waived Gabriel. On Wednesday, the Raiders claimed Gabriel off the wavier wire. Even if the Raiders would have had Gabriel this season, they still would have sucked. Now the Raiders have Gabriel AND the Patriots' draft pick.

Sure, you're saying, 'big freaking deal, a fifth-round pick." Wrong, shithead! Before you scoff, do you know who was a fifth-round draft pick? Zach Thomas, that's who. The Patriots essentially borrowed Doug Gabriel for three months and the Raiders get Zach Fucking Thomas. What a brilliant stratagem by the Raider brass.

Slowly, it has begun to dawn on me: the extended Raider decline has been an exhaustive attempt to lull the rest of the league into complacency. Yes, that surely must be it! There is no other rational explanation. The pieces are falling in place. Even now the cagey Al Davis is no doubt shaking off his senile supercentenarian charade, much like Verbal Kint morphing into Keyser Soze. Huzzah, it was all a ruse! The master plan is coming together. The Raiders are back, baby! I never doubted them for an instant. Next stop the SUPER BOWL!

Now gimme back that bottle of ether....

...So You're Sayin' There's a Chance!

Women of New England, warm up your genitals: Tom Brady -- With Leather's faux gay crush -- and aging starlet Bridget Moynahan have called it quits.

Of course, this was something I called for back in August -- we all know Tom was slumming -- so I'm looking forward to all the Playmate-nailing and A-list distractions that will derail the Patriots' season(s) over the coming months and years. Really, this is a terrific development for dirty, voyeuristic sports bloggers such as myself.

As such, I thought I'd go all Cultural Oddsmaker on you and look at who presents the brightest prospects for landing Dreamboat on the rebound.

Rachael McAdams: 4-1

Granted, she's a hockey fan, but her rising star has sputtered a little since Wedding Crashers, so she could use the extra pub. Plus, she's cuter than a sackful of kittens. The tabloids would love to see America's Sweetheart paired with a hot Canadian chick.

Playmate of the Year: 3-2

The timing couldn't be better for this: the PMOY is named in January, which is exactly when Tom will have more time on his hands. Personally, I think the favorites this year are Miss February Cassandra Lynn (left) and Miss March Monica Leigh.

Having done some extensive research in this department, I suggest that under no circumstances should you look at them exposed to the elements in NSFW galleries. Like this one of Cassandra. Or this one of Monica. I'm telling you: don't do it! KSK is trying to be taken seriously as the Best Sports Blog, and we don't want to garner votes merely because there happens to be pretty girls on the page.

[Edit: I guess the PMOY is actually revealed -- heh, "revealed" -- in May. Whatever, I stand by the joke.]

Victoria's Secret Model: 15-1

They're mostly Brazilian and European, so they can't properly appreciate the mythology of this fine piece of man-ass. Their jetsetting ways and preference for soccer players up the degree of stifficulty on this one.

Tara Reid: 200-1

Remember, Dreamboat invited her to a Pats game Pre-Bridget. You know he's already mashed her guts, so he'd definitely make the phone call for an easy rebound if she hadn't gone down that long shame spiral of public intoxication and mangled plastic surgery.

So sad. Remember how hot she was in American Pie? That's how I'll choose to remember her.

Some Hot Foreign Chick You've Never Heard Of: 4-1

I could see Brady being tired of the American A-list scene and taking a vacation overseas after the Pats suffer a tough road loss in the playoffs. Of course, he'll be drawn to places like Monaco and Ibiza, where the granite-jawed hunk will begin a torrid affair with some hot famous chick. But here's the twist: she's from another country! (like the lovely Miss Francesca Ceci, pictured).

Plus, it would tie in nicely to Roger Goodell's desire to spread the NFL's seed throughout the world.

Jake Gyllenhaal: Even

Here's a little tidbit tucked away on Patriots.com that Cranky Colts dug up:

“Matt and I fight like teenage girls,” said Tom Brady, speaking of backup QB Matt Cassel. “We are always slapping each other around and wrestling and slap boxing and [messing] around with each other in the weight room. And so I decided to take that to the next level. And we were messing around in the quarterback room one day and he walked in with a milkshake, and I kind of put my foot by the door, and I kicked the door and the milkshake splashed up and went all over him. So he sat down, and I was laughing. So I said give me the towel, because I wanted to clean up the wall. So I threw the towel at his face, and it had shake all over it. He had a little shake in his mouth and he spit it all over me.”

Wow.

I mean, wow. That's gonna keep Bosox Siobhan lubed up the rest of the month.

Chris Collinsworth will be tasting Jay Cutler's testes for weeks

...and they're still one of the best announcing teams in the league!

As for the weather, let's let Ollie give the update.



I'm still waiting for the wind to pick up. Hass is slingin' around but his receivers are having trouble gripping the ball. I'm sure the sideline reporter is trying to find out whether it's a result of the inclement conditions or the fact that Seattle's receivers have hands that make Alex Smith look like George Costanza (pre-iron).

The only score so far has come from my personal savior, Shaun Alexander. After he fumbled at the two the pileup began, Seattle recovered but Bobby Engram tragically died as a result of drowning. Once the bodies were removed Shaun punched it in for the score.

San Fran just partially blocked a punt, they celebrated with streamers, flamboyant dancing, and and a round of appletinis. I'm trying to resist the urge to bring up The Office on the DVR. Somehow Seattle got the ball back again, the Niners seem to be paying about as much attention as myself.