The Manning Family Gets Double Stuffed, Eli Licks Up the Cream

Is it possible that the Manning family is growing tired of all this football business? Well now that Eli has overtaken Peyton as the dominant brother under center the whole family is poised for a move in a whole new direction.

So what could this second sport be? The obvious answer would be squash, but that would hardly help to reestablish Peyton as the family alpha dog. Here's a clue to get you started...

DSRL you say? It sounds like some sort of brand new learning disability that only exists within the mushy brains of children reared by first cousins. Peyton and Eli certainly are the ideal posterboys for such an affliction, but no. Yet the truth is even sadder...

LICK THAT CREAM! LICK THAT CREAM!

Yep, the entire Manning family has signed on for another endorsement deal. It's about fucking time! There are only so many times (1,674 to be exact) that I can watch Peyton's Priceless Peptalks on my DVR. Now I get to look forward to a whole ad campaign centering around the idea of the Manning brothers racing to lick the cream out of cookies at breakneck speed. The best news of all is that you get to participate as well!

Sign up for the contest through the Nabisco website and you could find yourself in a stadium with a guest of your choosing along with the Manning family and an the official Oreo Mascot!

The winner and his or her guest will get to engage in a licking contest of their own with the dynamic pitchmen. If you're lucky enough to beat Peyton and Eli you'll qualify for the grand prize! Sit back and watch as the brothers give the old "double-stuff" treatment to lovely Olivia while you lick up all the tangy cream that runs down her leg.

Enjoy your breakfast everyone, and remember to eat your Oreos!

Commercial-Filming Season Begins a Little Early This Year

(Sprint cell phone plays Radiohead's "Exit Music (For a Film)")

Peyton: (looks at phone) Shit.

(Thom Yorke: "We hope... that you--")

Peyton: Hey, kid.

Eli: Oh man tha' was AWESOME! Idn't winning playofff gamezzz FUHn?!?

Peyton: Are you drunk?

Eli: (giggles) Coash gah me a zix of Sima.

Peyton: Uh huh.

Eli: DOOOOD we beeet DALLAS! Nummer one seed in the ho' conferen! IN DALLAS! An ya know who din't throw an intershepshun? Guess.

Peyton: You?

Eli: No, ME!!!

Peyton: Must've been a nice chance of pace.

Eli: It totally was! Soooo weird! I'm don't feel like crying at all!

Peyton: That's great.

Eli: Oh. Oh. Oh man I'm sorry. I din't ass how your game wen. You gettin' rehddy fer the Pastyruts nest week?

Peyton: Uhhh...

(phone beeps)

Peyton: I gotta get that. Talk to you later.

Eli: Sure, just give me a ca--

(click)

Peyton: Hello?

Archie: That was awesome! You were in the playoffs! Is losing there any different from losing in the regular season?

Peyton: Sigh...

Peyton's Little Sister

Somebody over at NFL.com just became my new hero. Apparently Elisha Manning is questionable for today's game against Green Bay and Britney Favre...



But don't worry Indy fans, Petunia Manning is healthy and flowering.

Note: Eli's birth name is actually Elisha Nelson Manning, oddly enough he's always gone by "Eli"...just don't tell NFL.com's Injury Report guy.

HT: Sexy Sarah at Strike Zones and End Zones