NOTE:
TITAN
Strengths:
-Big
-One of Saturn’s most noticeable moons. It has lakes of methane! Just like my toilet after a bowl of lentil soup!
-Poop the size of a goddamn battleship
-Sometimes goes by cool nickname “Big T”
-Clears out a Pizza Hut lunch buffet like no one’s business
-Knows an excellent preparation for Blackened Child
Weaknesses:
-Greek. Filthy.
-Hogs all the fried calamari to himself
-Come on, man. You’re gonna vote for the odds-on favorite? BO-RING
-Cronus lookin’ a little long in the tooth there
-Eats the baby’s heart first when everyone knows the brain is the best part
-Needs entire Alaskan glacier to relieve hemorrhoid pain
-Judging by this painting, doesn't exactly look all that big. I expected a titan to be bigger than Bill fucking Walton. I think it's because Europeans is so goddamn tiny, especially Europeans back then. "OOOH! Look at that six foot tall man! He's a TITAN! Sacre bleu!"
Entrance Music:
“Big Poppa”
GIANT
Strengths:
-Big
-Strong
-Knows the distinct odor of an Englishman
-Makes a grand entrance at any gala event
-Wouldn’t you love to see a giant man fight a giant monkey, like King Kong vs. Paul Bunyan? God, I’d love that
Weaknesses:
-Slingshot
-Wiseacre rabbits
Entrance Music:
“Big Guns,” Skid Row (“She got the BIG GUNS! Pointin’ at my heart! BANG BANG SHOOTIN’ LIKE A FIRIN’ SQUAD!”)
Voting closes at the end of the day. Let the battle begin. ENTER THE OCTAGON!
The giant has to take it. It was the year of the underdog in the NFL this year, it should damn well be the same in this draft.
ReplyDeleteTitan- Can make it rain cash on strippers
ReplyDeleteGiant- Can make it rain feces on strippers
Yep. Giant, FTW.
"Wouldn’t you love to see a giant man fight a giant monkey, like King Kong vs. Paul Bunyan?"
ReplyDeleteThat WOULD be pretty sweet. You know what would be even sweeter? A giant shark against a giant sea serpent. Are sharks nimble enough to deal with a predator that has no spine? Hmmmm. Plus there could be an underwater cameraman in one of those pussy ass underwater cages that we all know will not hold up if the sharks start to regulate.
Oh, Titans by the way. Greek mythology is way cooler than fairy tales.
ReplyDeletethose pictures of titans eating children will haunt my dreams forever
ReplyDeleteI don't really like either one, but since the Titan gets to enter The Octagon to the dulcet tones of Biggie Smalls, I voted for him.
ReplyDeleteIllusionators is a national treasure. Giant gets my vote.
ReplyDeleteI agree. It's like Kansas vs. UNC. Fuck em both. Hopefully whoever wins is thoroughly disemboweled by Adrian Belew.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are hurting my feelings.
ReplyDeleteGo Titans!
Giant loses on entry music alone. He might as well play "Why can't we be friends".
ReplyDeleteTitans are giant vagina like creatures. In a bad way. they were big, stupid and inbred and the Gods bitched them out. As a result, the Giant is a far more imposing mascot.
ReplyDeleteThe Giants.
ReplyDeleteBecause without them, you'd have to listen to all those insufferable pricks talking about 19-0 and how great they are because they jumped on the bandwagon in 2001, "just in time" of course.
you know, giants were created specifically in greek mythology as creatures that no god could defeat, only a human. Technically a titan could not defeat a giant. balls.
ReplyDelete