Molested By Jack Hanna Regional Final: Lion vs. Bengal – QUIEN ES MAS MACHO?!

We’ve already had one upset here in the Regional Finals of the KSK Real Mascot Kill Kill Kill Invitational. Can the pesky Bengal tiger put the underdogs at 2-for-2? Or will the mighty lion assert his dominance? Judging by the above video, he’s a cutter and runner! We go right to the pros and cons and ask you, the fan, who would win in a fight… to the death! Indeed, QUIEN ES MAS MACHO?

NOTE: The poll is at the top of the sidebar to the right. Voting for each contest is open until the end of the day that it's posted. Voting is closed on this contest. The Bengal won with 63 percent of the vote.

LION

Strengths:
-King of the jungle
-Just a gangsta stalkin’
-Living life like a firecracka, quick is his fuse
-Makes the woman lion do all the work. Good stuff
-Teeth
-Claws
-Night vision

Weaknesses:
-Mufassssa!
-Cowardly
-Needs couwage. COUWAGE!
-No heart
-What’s with the mane, Simba? Are you such a pussy that a light breeze necessitates a permanent shrug made from your own hair?
-Whiskers
-Wait! Waaaait! He never had a chance to love you!
-Always asleep behind a fucking bush during daylight hours at the zoo when I paid good money to watch him feast upon a fresh elephant carcass
-Guitarist Vito Bratta more interested in dazzling technique than good songcraft
-Gets all whiney when the children cry. One united world under God? What a douche.
-Nittany lion? Gay.
-When I was a kid, I used to go to a video store run by a creepy dude named Lion who had the WORST fucking recommendations for movies. He was always saying shit like, “Hey, have you seen ‘That Old Feeling,’ with Bette Midler and Dennis Farina? Hoo hoo. What a movie. I mean it. What. A. Movie.”

Entrance Music:
“Gold Lion,” Yeah Yeah Yeahs

BENGAL

Strengths:
-Claws
-Teeth
-GREEEEEEEEAT!!!!!
-Makes totally awesome imaginary friend
-Staying in one of those hotel on stilts in Nepal where the tigers are roaming around underneath? Dude, they totally know you’re up there.
-Tiger! Tiger!
-Burning bright
-In the forests of the night
-What immortal hand or eye
-Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
-Excellent golfer despite bizarre Cablinasian ancestry
-Handles Siberian winter with good cheer
-Stripes make great camoflauge. Where’s the tiger? Where’s the tiger? CHOMP! You’re fucked

Weaknesses:
-Couldn’t finish Roy off
-Forgot to maim Siegfried
-Frosted Flakes get soggy in milk after 4 seconds
-Often confused with taiga, type of barren land dominated by conifers
-Orange color caused by hideous spray-on tan job from Charlize Theron’s stylist
-Ragged Tiger joined forces with Seven to help create subpar Druan Duran album
-Overexposed as college mascot
-That Tigger sure is one lazy tigger

Entrance Music:
IT’S THE EYE OF THE TIIIIIIIIIGER!

Voting closes at the end of the day. Let the battle begin. ENTER THE OCTAGON!