We're way too cool to attend the NFL Combine/Sausage Festival, but our spies are lurking behind ever corner...and safety. The following are snippets of conversations overheard by said spies.
Peter King to Joe Flacco...
"If you want to get anywhere in this league you'll start answering my text messages, young man."
Roger Goodell to Zygi Wilf...
"I'd be scouting a new left tackle if I were you."
Unknown media member...
"Sure, I appreciate Mayock's attention to detail, but he should leave the rectal exams to the doctors."
Michael David Smith...
"If you talk to Rob King tell him I said hi, and ask if him he got the fruit basket."
Bob Kraft into cellphone...
"Mike Haht? Fahk that daaahkie, I just watched that Jacob Hestah smoke his ass. We don't even need Mahs, we'll just play the Hestah kid at wideout. He looks like he's wicked smaht and hahd werkin. I'm tellin' ya, if we line Welkah up opposite Hestah we can't fackin' lose!"
Mike Florio to a janitor...
"Can I cite you as an unnamed source?"
Unknown player...
"This is whole thing is a bit Kevin Spacey, if you know what I'm sayin'."
We know what you're saying, unknown player, we know.
SUPER SEXY UPDATE:
Darren McFadden into cellphone...
"Nah baby, you can't get pregnant if you do it in the butt."
"Mr. McFadden's Wonderlic score says .03. Doesn't that seem a bit high for him?"
ReplyDeleteWe need a fantasy combine. Perhaps then I would have found out Cutler was a shit QB in time enought to save my FF season.
ReplyDeleteThat picture could use a "NOM NOM NOM" caption.
ReplyDeletePeter King to a national audience:
ReplyDeleteSo let me tell you about the elderly farter I sat next to on the airplane on the way out here.
I had to re-read that sentence about six times to make sure he didn't say "elderly father."
I mean I'd expect this language in a Jambaroo, but there were children reading!!
Jake Long...
ReplyDelete"HGH? What's that?"
/blinks twice
"Mr. McFadden's Wonderlic score says .03. Doesn't that seem a bit high for him?"
ReplyDeleteYeah, but his sperm count is off the charts. Can you imagine how impressed the Sex Cannon must be? It's like when Obi-won first saw Annakin.
Holy shit, I just used a Star Wars reference . . . excuse me while I go figure out when I turned into comic book guy.
I'm pretty sure PK's too busy strategically placing himself in front of a bowflex in a barn down in Mississippi.
ReplyDelete"I don't care if he's got talent, I know he's got talent! I wanna know if he gets flustrated."
-Herm 'Bizzaro-Dungy' Edwards
This picture is simply phenomenal. That guy should audition to be one of the Marlin Manatees dancers.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I just can't help the baseball references this time of year...
And I'd LOVE to see Jacob Hester catching Brady's passes next year, even if he's pretty much as white as you can possibly get (an Elvis fan from the South... yikes). Does that make me a racist Masshole? Yes, yes it does.
...Matt Ryan digging through his gym bag mumbling "I swear to God, whoever took my fucking lip balm...oh, here it is..."
ReplyDeleteRest in peace Footsteps Flacco.
ReplyDeleteDanny Snyder to himself:
ReplyDelete"Why the fuck am I here?"
Al Davis to a pylon in the endzone:
ReplyDelete"If we draft that Marcus Allen kid we should contend well into the '90s."
now thats a man i want to see do the truffle shuffle
ReplyDelete@ JAMMQ
ReplyDelete"Holy shit, I just used a Star Wars reference . . . excuse me while I go figure out when I turned into comic book guy."
fyi
Holy Shit is a Batman reference
/ no Darren McFadden
OK, I actually keep returning to this post for the sole purpose of staring more at this photo. I'm obsessed. Can't... look... away...
ReplyDeleteWade Wilson huddled in his office: 'Please God, don't let that crazy Jerry Jones trade my Barbarian and both first round picks just to move up for McFadden.'
ReplyDeleteFaintly...in the distance...yeeeehawwwww!....iamfuckin'crazy!
/nibbles barrel
You know, seeing that guy just made me feel svelte again.
ReplyDeletehave you guys ever seen this site http://duelingcouches.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeletei have to tell ya it is awesome
Who the fuck is Wade Wilson and why is he afraid of Wade Phillips' boss?
ReplyDeleteI promise one day soon I will make a timely comment.
Hey, what's with the picture of Bartolo Colon? I thought this was a football post?
ReplyDelete