[Eli wins the Super Bowl]
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, I WON A FRIGGIN SUPER BOWL! I'M GONNA STAY UP SOOOOO LATE TONIGHT, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! MOM'S GONNA MAKE HOT CHOCOLATE FOR ME AND MOISHE, BUT NO MINI MARSHMALLOWS, THAT'S KIDS STUFF. IT'S ALL BIG BOY MARSHMALLOWS FROM NOW ON! HEY MOM, I'M RENTING SUPER MARIO GALAXY AND ROCK BAND FOR WII. YOU CAN PLAY THE DRUMS, BUT THIS TIME I'M MAKING THE TOSTINOS PIZZA ROLLS!
[Eli Is handed the MVP award]
HEY, I WON THE MOTHER FLIPPIN MVP TOO? HOLY COW MAN, COOPER'S GONNA BE CRAZY JEALOUS. I'M TOTALLY BRINGING THIS TROPHY IN FOR SHOW-AND-TELL.
[Eli is handed car keys]
NO.FREAKING.WAY. I GET A CAR TOO?! HEY MOM, WE HAVE TO GO GET MY LEARNER'S PERMIT TOMORROW. THEN THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER. AS LONG AS YOU'RE IN THE CAR I CAN DRIVE ANYWHERE! NEXT WEEKEND WE CAN GO TO THE ANTIQUE AUCTION IN BELLE MEAD!
[Eli is handed tickets to Hawaii]
WHAT, THEY HAVE A PRO BOWL NOW? THIS YEAR KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!
[Eli is put in front of television camera]
HECK NO, I'M NOT GOING TO DISNEY WORLD, THAT'S FOR BABIES. I'M GOING TO EPCOT!
/sips from sippy cup
Intrepid readers Jay and Andrew have both emailed us with a timely re-design of an old classic...
Eli is going to wear that to school every day for a week!
AWESOME TO THE MAX. I like that Eli has a nice jewish friend.
ReplyDeleteI was all for the haterade when it was against the Pats, but now that it's against the Giants I find it grossly untasteful and unseemly. Come on, you guys, be happy for us! We're the greatest city in the world!
ReplyDeleteBig boy marhsmallows, indeed.
ReplyDeleteIt's even boring to fly over!
ReplyDelete"Gee whillikers -- I bet that girl who sits in front of me in algebra will DEFINITELY go with me to the sock hop now. Second base, here I come!"
ReplyDelete/tries to hate Eli
/fails
Mom!!! When I get my ring I want you to bury it in the sandbox and then I can play treasure hunt!! Maybe I can find those Pogs we buried last week, too!
ReplyDeleteSomeone check David Tyree's helmet for super glue.
ReplyDelete/still in denial that shit actually happened
Now that I won the Super Bowl, I can go to a movie on a schoolnight like that (snaps fingers).
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna go swim in the deep end! By myself!
ReplyDelete"Plus, my mom says I'm the handsomest guy in school!"
ReplyDeleteI call shenanigans. They don't make Rock Band for the Wii.
ReplyDeleteand i would have known that if i was a total fucking nerd
ReplyDeleteBut his mom thinks he's cool....
ReplyDeleteI said as soon as Eli got the car that he was so happy to actually have his first car. I didn't think that he'd still need his permit
ReplyDeleteMaybe Peyton will give him his Teddy Ruckspin back now.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet he keeps his #18 Colts Underoos...as long as he can cut the feet out.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, pizza rolls are cool, but they are no jalapeno poppers.
ReplyDelete-Reggie Nelson
Now that he's found some success, Eli can finally give up the paper route.
ReplyDelete"Thinkin' about the muscly-armed paperboy. Wishin' he'd come by and bring me some good news!"
ReplyDeleteMom! Did you tape the superbowl over my Dragonball Z tape?!?!
ReplyDeleteThere's a whole package of Double Stuf and a gallon of milk with my name on it!
ReplyDelete/dsrl champion
Let's stay up late and tell ghost stories!
ReplyDeleteAND I CAN PULL THEM OFF AND ON
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, as Tom Brady buries his sorrows in Gisele Bundchen's silky vaginal walls, Eli Manning attempts to figure out how to use a Fleshlight, and whether or not merely possessing it is a sin.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHA
ReplyDelete+1 King of Pants
for using Fleshlight, not that I know what that is!
doesn't eli get awarded the rights to gisele now?
ReplyDeleteEli can't wait to put that Super Bowl champs bumper sticker on his new car.
ReplyDelete"Hey, Mommy! Look! When I touch it, it grows."
ReplyDeleteAnd today, Eli broke out his brand new Superman underoos to celebrate.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure the MVP award will be inscribed- "Super Bowl XLII MVP: Peyton Manning's retarded brother"
ReplyDeleteDr.VanNostren: I would say Google it, if you are perhaps self-employed or looking for a career change.
ReplyDeleteI know what it is, the sarcasm must not have been heard thru my typing
ReplyDeleteDo you think that when Eli got handed the MVP trophy, Peyton just came by and slapped it out of his friggin' hands.
ReplyDeleteAnd when I picture that scenario, I think of Peyton as Chet from Weird Science and Eli as 14 year old Anthony Michael Hall.
"I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey!"
-Chet Manning
dick_gozinia-
ReplyDeleteRock Band was recently announced for Wii, although no date is set.
But Galaxy is awesome and No More Heroes might be the coolest game ever.