Fuck.
I really wish this day had never come.
There's no doubt that it's a day to be celebrated, but it also reminds us of what we'll be missing.
No, I'm not talking about the Super Bowl. I'm obviously talking about the debut of Prescription Vending Machines in the state of California.
Holy crap, this is brilliant. Now I'm not saying that I partake in the whole marijuana thing, but as a Libertarian I am quite pleased. Sure these marijuana dispensers require a prepaid card linked to a doctor's prescription along with a fingerprint identification, but migraines seem pretty common these days. But why are they so far away?
Anyways, let's get on to the bet of the year...
I don't really feel like going back into the archives to see how many teasers I've lost this year, but I trust one of you fuckwads will take up the task yourselves. Yeah, teasers are crappy bets and I still don't fucking care.
Am I some sort of expert gambler?
No.
Have I won any money this season?
Probably not.
Do I sound like David Lookner?
Absolutely!
Alright, fuck it all. Here's the bet...
New England -5.5 vs. New York
Total Score Over 48.5
Yep, it's that easy. Enjoy the game everybody. Oh, and don't bother with work on Monday. That's for the womenfolk.
So help me God, the first person who comments to tell me I got the line wrong will have the corpse of their most recently deceased relative violated in a most unseemly manor.
Image via America's Next Pot Model
UM, have you looked into relocating to California ?
ReplyDeleteUM, you got the line wrong.
ReplyDeleteIt's "Holy fucking crap, this is brilliant."
Thanks for reminding me to take Monday off
ReplyDeleteRoethlisberger looks good in that suit.
ReplyDeleteDie. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteim in love with that first picture
ReplyDeleteI like to drop my meds on the floor so that they can achieve their maximum flavor potential
ReplyDelete"...violated in a most unseemly manor."
ReplyDeleteWhat's the condition of the house have to do with it?
Now I'm not saying that I partake in the whole marijuana thing
ReplyDeletePartake? No. Smoke? Yeah.
I thought the line was like 14! You got it wrong, fat boy.
ReplyDeleteYou got the over/under wrong too. Where'd you find it at 54.5?
ReplyDeleteThe lines are from Bodog, as of last night when I placed my bet.
ReplyDeleteIs that another picture of Schorno?
ReplyDeleteI thought gambline was illegal? Are the Sports Guy's podcasts lying?
ReplyDeleteThe vending machines should give you a big-ass bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos with each "prescription".
ReplyDelete"...violated in a most unseemly manor."
ReplyDeleteThey wanted to violate it in stately Wayne Manor, but the damned butler wouldn't let them in.
i hate you guys.
ReplyDeleteDon't you mean you haight us?
ReplyDeleteWait... what? That was like... wait...
ReplyDeleteCaliFORNia, maaannnnnn
Don't you mean you haight us?
ReplyDeleteOK, that was pretty fucking funny.
I love this site like a son that pays his own tuition, but for the very first time I think you tripped up on where something premiered.
ReplyDeletePot vending machines is most definitely KSK territory. Or stomping grounds. Or grist for your doper mills. But there is NO WAY the proper (paid product placement?) of said device shouldn't have been in a Michael Vick post FIRST. Those two were made for each other.
- Barney
Maximumwithdrawel, PA.
ps. - I like how that boy looks kinda like the Monolith from 2001. You know - if your depth perception is kinda fucked up...
i think UM is the future me in some sort of time loop
ReplyDeletejew who thinks hesblack
wizards fan who loves gilbert
libertarian
but hes funny
Everyone knows "libertarian" just means a Republican who smokes weed, just as everyone knows "congressman" just means a Republican who smokes pole.
ReplyDelete@ otto man
ReplyDeleteand doesn't hate gays
SECRETLY doesn't hate gays but claims to publicly so he can still get the votes from the over 50 AARP crowd
ReplyDelete@ Otto:
ReplyDeleteAKA Wide Stance Republican
Fuck, how are those vending machines not in the bay area yet? And how the hell did I know know about something called America's Pot Model? I'm slipping in my old age.
ReplyDeletei'm not that kind of libertarian. i'm the kind that can't seem to identify with any other group.
ReplyDelete...meaning i don't work at the Cato Institute.
ReplyDelete...meaning i don't work at the Cato Institute.
ReplyDeleteJudging from the video, you could work at the Kato Kaelin Institute.
I kid, I kid.
As far as not identifying with any other group, whatever happened to the whole "wishes he were black" angle?
for the record, i don't think i'm black, and i've never explicitly wished to be black. i just happen to like black people.
ReplyDeleteSo you're not a Pats fan?
ReplyDeleteaw come on, no one's gonna do the legwork on UM's teaser history this year? hes lost me a couple dollars, i know.
ReplyDelete