Some fun with Peter King on a Monday afternoon. Today, King made the following comment about HBO’s “Hard Knocks” show:
"My one quibble with these shows: They're so fast-paced and move from one drama to the next and one scene to the next, that you don't really
get the feel of what camp is truly like. Very often, camp is boring,
tedious and full of drills you can't watch for very long or you'll go
crazy. If the show is to be the real story of training camp, it must
point out -- not just in flashes but in minutes -- what really happens
at camp, which is often extraordinarily humdrum."
Agreed. I, too, would find the show far more fascinating if it were more boring. Now you now why King's MMQB column is 56,000 words long. We at KSK found King’s logic irresistible. From it, we drew the following conclusions:
-King doesn't understand why the WSOP doesn't show the hands where everybody folds
-King watched Major League last night, and wished they'd show how well Willie Mays Hayes worked the count
-King doesn't understand why he can't watch every single American Idol audition
-He's disappointed Shark Week has so much killing when, in fact, most of the time sharks are just swimming around
-He’s a huge fan of Kevin Costner films
-He will only attend a wedding if it is Greek Orthodox
-He wishes he could read ALL the mail Bill Simmons gets in his mailbag
-King wishes pornography had more foreplay. Women just don't get automatically wet, you know
-King wants to know why his Lawrence of Arabia Director’s Cut DVD skimped on the deleted scenes
-King wishes "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" consisted of one uninterrputed take
-King thinks "To Catch a Predator" doesn't depict chat rooms accurately, should show footage of benign exchanges
-King wishes that the producers of The Office would shift the focus from the employees to the hard facts about paper sales
-King wishes Tony Romo would cuddle more
-When Peter King bought tickets to "28 Days Later" he was was stunned and disappointed to learn he didn't have to wait four weeks to see the movie
-King wishes Yes had produced more B-side compilations
Clearly, this is why King enjoys going to Starbucks so much. Yours in the comments.
Peter King likes soccer just the way it is.
ReplyDeleteWhen King uses TIVO he doesnt fast forward through the commercials...
ReplyDelete"Why do we have interstates? I believe you should take the time to see the countryside as god intended: at 40 miles per hour with traffic lights reminding you to stop and take it all in."
ReplyDeleteKing thinks that the Sopranos, Entourage and Flight of the Conchords should be turned into 15 minute shows in order to allow John From Cincinnati to run the necessary three hours
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletethinks that tolstoy and dickens understood brevity far too well.
ReplyDeleteKing would prefer every sopranos episode involved carmella going to paris to stand on bridges and cry.
ReplyDeleteKing wishes he could eat while he is sleeping.
ReplyDeletehowever peter king DOES in fact love elevators....you don't get that fat by taking the stairs people.
ReplyDeletePeter King was upset that BDD's vacation recap didn't include details of his every bowel movement and flatulence.
ReplyDeleteAnd frankly, I was surprised.
You oughta see his collection of Widespread Panic bootlegs.
ReplyDeletewishes the state of the union address could involve more clapping.
ReplyDeleteKing enjoys the racial diversity levels of the whites and blacks in his hometown of Monclair, NJ, at 60 and 32 percent respectively, but wishes the city council would do more to raise the 5% latino poulation closer to the national average.
ReplyDeleteThinks Saving Private Ryan's opening assault scene focused far too much on the hurry-up and not enough on the wait.
ReplyDeleteKing's idea for a CBS procedural drama? "Night Watchmen." The possibilities are limited!
ReplyDeletewishes his daughter's myspace page included more about her academic pursuits.
ReplyDeleteholly mangold's, too.
ReplyDeleteDid anyone else notice Brady Quinn trying to throw up the weight for a standing dumbbell press and finish with a defeated look of "oh shit, I'm on tv and probably shouldn't have grabbed the big dumbbell."
ReplyDeleteTheoretically it would be faster to eat the tub of butter with a giant spoon, but he feels using his fingers makes him appreciate it more.
ReplyDeleteKing wishes that at least one top-tier sportswriter would routinely include hundreds of words of asinine personal information so as to better enable the reader to truly understand the author.
ReplyDeleteOh wait.
thinks "mind of mencia" should expand to a two-hour, nightly format.
ReplyDeletePeter King has no idea why Melville did not follow up with "Ahab: The High School Years"
ReplyDeletethinks "mind of mencia" should expand to a two-hour, nightly format.
ReplyDeleteIsn't this already the case? Because it sure feels that way sometimes.
Fucking Mencia.
King wishes more sports bloggers would post YouTube videos.
ReplyDeleteThinks "Waiting for Godot" focused to much on Godot, not nearly enough on the "waiting."
ReplyDeleteKing wishes some hadn't taken a picture of him fucking that football.
ReplyDeleteKing was upset to learn that there was nowhere he could purchase ESPN Directors' Cuts of the NFL Draft or the MLB Home Run Derby.
ReplyDeletesounds like someone never actually read "Waiting for Godot"
ReplyDeletethink's "who's now" should have been expanded to a year-round tournament encompassing 1,048,576 athletes.
ReplyDeleteKing also prefers restaurant menu to include detailed recipes, price of individual ingredients - not just item descriptions.
ReplyDeleteJohn S:
ReplyDeletesounds like the joke went over someone's head.
Whowillsex:
ReplyDeleteSounds like someone can't take a joke.
King thinks the Beatles should’ve used more Yoko Ono in their music.
ReplyDeleteThinks Gregg Easterbrook is just getting warmed up when he ends is TMQB column.
ReplyDeleteKing would like to know what the Sports Gal thinks every now and then.
ReplyDeleteJohn S. --
ReplyDeleteMore jokes, less responding to every commenter. This ain't Deadspin.
Young King frustratedly quit his job as a nightwatchman watching 16 security camera feeds at once because he could never take in all the action.
ReplyDeletePeter King wishes that strippers started off wearing more clothing and concentrated more on their dance moves.
ReplyDeleteking's got 2 dogs, lucy and emilio.
ReplyDeletepoor fucking dogs.
wishes lifetime offered more original programming.
ReplyDeletewishes crowds would do the wave for entire games.
ReplyDeletewishes hookers didn't die so quickly when strangled.
ReplyDeleteKing prefers to interpret lines of falling green code on a computer screen instead of going into the Matrix
ReplyDeleteWants to see the hole in the Muppet's ass where you stick your hand in.
ReplyDeleteCC --
ReplyDeleteYou know... there was another group of people who thought that it was just fine to tell people what to do and what to think. Thats right... they were the Nazis.
Peter King thought the The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich needed a yard-by-yard description of the construction of the autobahn.
Wishes Peter Jackson's "King Kong" had more Naomi Watts-Ape googly eyes and less dinosaur wrestling
ReplyDeleteKing wishes that the glory hole at his local New Jersey rest stop had a place nearby that he could take the guy that he just sucked off out for a coffee.
ReplyDeleteking wants to know why only the gays get to wear all the fun clothes.
ReplyDeletejohn s., why don't we all just enjoy some Chewlies gum then?
ReplyDelete(it was a stretch, I know)
ReplyDeleteKing wishes that Journey albums included all the takes.
ReplyDeleteKing feels Cops should show more sitting around in patrol cars.
ReplyDeleteKing wants to know why it takes so long for the Harry Potter books to come out in paperback. Come on Ms Rowlings, that is just blatent disregard for us muggles.
ReplyDeleteBDD - Glad to see someone got that one so quickly. I saw that movie on a first date and laughed so hard I didn't bother to try and get a second date because I made such a fool of myself.
ReplyDeleteKing wishes that his wife had taken the time to learn spanish before fucking the pool boy.
ReplyDeletewishes that hayden christainsen could be in every movie.
ReplyDeleteKing would like to here more emo records for all the middle school kids that weren't currently expiriencing angst.
ReplyDeleteWishes every comment on KSK focused on the verification word.
ReplyDeleteKing would like to knoe what a yakoff smirnoff joke sounds like written from a soviet perspective. In democratic america... What would go next?
ReplyDeleteKing wishes that pornos could show the guys getting "fluffed" before the scene actually started. After all porn just isn't about the sucking and fucking.
ReplyDeleteKing wishes "Trading Spaces" spent more time focusing on the paint drying.
ReplyDelete(buiilding off of earlier posts)
ReplyDeletePeter King wishes pron would acutally show how the pizza was made before it is delivered to the sorority house.
king wants to know how the documentary Super Size Me could get it so horribly wrong.
ReplyDeletePeter King wishes that Sunday mornings during football season were filled with more of same "heartfelt storys" about player X and his mother's battle with uterine centipedes that Superbowl Sunday has.
ReplyDeletePK is peeved because Bob Villa always says "measure twice, cut once" but they don't actually show him measuring twice.
ReplyDeletePeter King wishes that the historical documentary called "300" focused more on the gentlemen sitting down to write the histories, less on the fighting
ReplyDeletebut did anyone else watch hard knocks? brody croyle's girlfriend is insanely hot
King wishes Dr. Z would focus more on thanking his readers and making stupid inane jokes invoving his wife than talking actual football. Plus, King thinks that Dr. Z is too fresh and hip.
ReplyDeletePeter King wishes NoIS didn't edit Scoop Jackson's responses.
ReplyDeleteKing is worried local cable access channels are losing their 'edge'
ReplyDeleteWishes Planet of the Apes had fully developed the customs of the ape civilization and shown them in great detail, rather than focusing on the relatively meaningless life of one human.
ReplyDeleteWishes that Woody Allen would be a little bit more knebbish.
ReplyDeleteKing wishes the Bible focused less on Jesus, the son of God, and more on the special power of conjuring fish and wine out of thin air
ReplyDeleteKing wishes that they televised the practice rounds of golf championships on the weekends when he could watch it and just forget about the actual tournament.
ReplyDeleteKing wishes that the means never justified the ends.
ReplyDeletePeter King wishes his weekly game of POG hadn't been cancelled
ReplyDeleteKing wishes he had more time to think over his answers..er questions...fucking responses, that's it!!...during celebrity Jeopardy
ReplyDeleteKing wishes his daughter wouldnt gets so made when he tells her he loves you on her facebook wall.
ReplyDeletePeter King regrets that the makers of Koyaanisqatsi succumbed so easily to the hyper-paced, jump-cut-happy fever infecting modern American cinema.
ReplyDelete@holly +1
ReplyDeleteHoly shit, that's way out of left field!!!
King is starting to think this whole YouTube thing might take off one day.
ReplyDeleteand the award for most obscure reference goes to....
ReplyDeleteWhat about pants? Don't you hate pants?
ReplyDeletePeter King wishes The Wire contained more full length mayoral briefings on subjects such as traffic lights and extending bus lines.
ReplyDeleteKing Wishes Unicorn Planet showed more Cadillac getting hemmed up by Shannon.
ReplyDeletePeter King wishes he could remember the all the time he spends sleeping when he's not dreaming.
ReplyDeleteking wants to know why it has to be connect 4. why not connect 5 or 6?
ReplyDeleteKing shakes head in disgust with the general lack of attention to runners on first base by pitchers these days.
ReplyDeleteKing wishes that the women in pornographic moving pictures would be a little more demure and not be so eager to have relations with men that don't really love them. Seriously, they should have more respect for themselves.
ReplyDeleteking wants to know why its taking so long for those MTV Jackass guys to just make out already.
ReplyDeletePK'S Journal Entry 2722 -
ReplyDeleteInstead of shows like the Shield and the Wire which are so fast paced I think they need to slow it down a bit. How about a hour of showing us what it really takes to get a search warrant. All the paper work, petition to the judge, more paper work, etc. PK your a genius... chokes on a pork rhine.
BDD - did you see Mr. Brooks? One of the better movies I have seen this yr.
"NORM!"
ReplyDeleteWhile taking Calc I, PK often demanded that the professor give a less 'hand-wavy' proof of the theorem being introduced.
ReplyDeleteking is all for indulging in the occasional potty humor, but has no idea what was up with that south park where the aliens were going to hekma bars and sucking off each other jagons. i mean shit, what was that about.
ReplyDeleteThe bane of Peter King's existence is the abridged dictionary. He also wishes for a historical origin for every word.
ReplyDelete"NORM!"
ReplyDeleteCD, I was just coming here to post that myself.
Well played, you magnificent bastard.
King has read War and Peace, the Bourne novels, all of the Dune series, and all of the support books of LOTR at least once every year for the past 30 years.
ReplyDeleteAnd considers it as light reading.
Peter King wishes smut novels included fewer sex scenes, and more scenes of lonely men jacking off in hotel rooms. After all, that's closer to reality. His reality, anyway.
ReplyDeleteking would prefer is DragonForce were to express the sweeping majesty of thier fantasy epic lyrics by slowing it down just for one god damn minute.
ReplyDeletehopefully this hasn't been used yet
ReplyDeleteKing wishes KSK commenter John S would post more often because he finds his thoughts to be intriguing and wished he would contribute more
Peter King calls Dell customer service even when his computer isn't broken. He just loves him some hold music.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I stood up in a Greek wedding 2 weeks ago. Brutal.
king thinks you get a better experience playing Dance Dance Revolution with a controller than the dance pad.
ReplyDeletePeter King is happy that the Jews were in the Desert for 40 years instead of 40 days before finding "the promised land"
ReplyDeletePeter King wants a 600 minute egg.
ReplyDeleteKing also really enjoys:
ReplyDelete* Renewing his license at the DMV
* Waiting behind people at the supermarket checkout who have 50 coupons, yap on their cell phone and pay with a check
* Sitting in rush hour traffic
* The 15 minutes of commercials and trailers the theaters show before every movie
* Waiting for movie files to load on his computer, especially the ones where half the elapsed time is a commercial that you have to watch first before the shit you actually wanted to see starts playing
* The singing of the national anthem at sporting events, especially if the singer tries to modernize it with rap, scatting or Christina Aguilera-type vocalizing of every other note
Enjoys reading the book instead of watching the movie.
ReplyDeletePeter King is dying to see the 24 episode where Jack Bauer goes through the drive thru at McDonalds then takes a dump.
ReplyDeleteGood, Drew's back this page is funny again.
ReplyDeletePeter King wishes that every Sopranos episode was just one long fade to black.
ReplyDeleteYou think greek weddings are bad, try regular church service. It's just as bad, but consistently.
ReplyDeleteMan, Joe Piscopo really let himself go.
ReplyDeletePK thinks that it's a tragedy that the British have chosen to follow such fast paced sports as cricket. All the nonstop action makes his head spin.
ReplyDeletealso, +2 holly.
King wishes that they showed the production assistants setting up the survival scenarios in Man vs Wild and the cleanup afterward. Remember, carry in, carry out...
ReplyDeleteKing wishes that Joe Morgan would tell more minor league antecdotes
ReplyDeleteKing thought The English Patient was too brief, and shouldn't have been told in Flashbacks, but in chronological order instead. Flashbacks are confusing.
ReplyDeleteOMG! I just heard PK's voice for the 1st time on a Jim Rome podcast, I'm about as blown away as when I heard Bill Simmons for the 1st time. Terrible!
ReplyDeleteKing wishes 'Big Trouble In Little China' focused more on the subtle rift between western and eastern cultures and less on Wang Chi's airial swordfighting...
ReplyDeleteKing hold the opinion that the Star Wars series would have been much more entertaining if it was comprised entirely of Yoda in his hut, cooking stew and sleeping.
ReplyDelete