Wednesday, August 15, 2007

1-800-StayDownBitch

The Sports Network (which exists) is reporting that the NFL will open a "concussion hotline" for concerned players, doctors, coaches, and that guy that takes fantasy football a bit too seriously.

The NFL has taken a proactive stance on addressing concussions, a condition that has led to several players retiring or being sidelined for substantial amounts of time.

The league announced Tuesday that it would establish a concussion hotline. It's being formed to report information on a confidential basis about players being forced to practice or play against medical advice.

KSK has recently learned that players confidential informants have come forward on behalf of these woozy injury victims.

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24 comments:

  1. el_hombre10:02 AM, August 15, 2007

    Man, I wish I had penmanship like that. Just keep rubbing it in my face Brunell, and I'm gonna have to go Old Testament on your ass.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wormfather10:07 AM, August 15, 2007

    I see you decided not to even bother with the "Bad MS Paint" tag.

    Good move.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Trader Rick10:10 AM, August 15, 2007

    "Hi, it's Troy Aikman. I was just calling about...the...um...well, how do you like that? I forgot what I was calling about. What number is this again?"

    ReplyDelete
  4. MyBoysAreMyLife10:17 AM, August 15, 2007

    Hey this is Trent Green. Just calling in advance of my 1st game. Please be there in the 1st quarter with your best neurologists

    ReplyDelete
  5. Martha Van Bork10:18 AM, August 15, 2007

    was this submitted on an Etch-n-Sketch?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ray10:20 AM, August 15, 2007

    Hi, it's Ted Johnson again. Newspaper purple mailbox whistle. Bye.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous10:21 AM, August 15, 2007

    "Concussion hotline? Yes, I'm calling about Jerome Bettis, who seems to recently have suffered.............hmmm, what's that? You say he's retired now, and just talks that way because he's a dullard? Same goes for Shannon Sharpe? Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle (not racist)! Good day to you, sir."

    ReplyDelete
  8. Camp Tiger Claw10:22 AM, August 15, 2007

    Hey guys, Tedy Bruschi. Can you transfer me to coronary?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Big Daddy Drew10:31 AM, August 15, 2007

    "Help! Help! My husband Elijah Dukes is trying to kill me! Oh wait, wrong number. My apologies."

    ReplyDelete
  10. dick_gozinia10:34 AM, August 15, 2007

    Gentleman...this is Rae Carruth. I received a severe concussion while bouncing around in the trunk of a car. Can I still get compensated?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Camp Tiger Claw10:36 AM, August 15, 2007

    "Hello, concussion hotline..."

    "Woof."

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wormfather10:36 AM, August 15, 2007

    Hey guys, quick word.

    I'm setting up a $50 FF League on Fuzzy's Fantashy Football.

    if you're interested email me (gulp) afields@abchome.com.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Christmas Ape10:41 AM, August 15, 2007

    "Roe...this...berg...er.

    ROETHLISberg...er.

    RoethlisbergerRoethlisberger.

    Ugggghhh... Roeth...

    Roethlisberger."

    ReplyDelete
  14. Bucktown Skins Fan10:51 AM, August 15, 2007

    If Mark Brunell harms one hair on JC's head, I swear I am not going to church on Sunday.

    YOU HEAR ME MARK!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous11:04 AM, August 15, 2007

    at first i thought that might be from dexter manley.

    ReplyDelete
  16. dick_gozinia12:09 PM, August 15, 2007

    Kordell Stewart: These concussions have not effected me in the least bit. Tell Bill Cowher I'm ready to go Sunday. I can play quarterback ... tailback ... wide out ... punter ... first down marker mover guy ... hot dog vendor... quarterback ... offensive line coach ... quarterback ... Bill Cowher's upper lip ...

    I'm Slash damnit.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous12:25 PM, August 15, 2007

    "Hi, this is Eric Lindros, and I'm calling because I've had, like ten or something of these things, and... Oh, N *EFF* L? Sorry about that. Goodbye!"

    (five minutes later...)

    "Hi, this is Eric Lindros, and I'm calling because I've had, like ten or something of these things, and..."

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ken Dynamo12:31 PM, August 15, 2007

    i think eli might actually call that line BEFORE he gets sacked.

    ReplyDelete
  19. dick_gozinia1:03 PM, August 15, 2007

    @chamomiles davis

    Good show...I almost did the Eric Lindros post. I was gonna include Scott Stevens picking up the phone half way through the message and scaring Lindros into hanging up.

    Stevens: "I may be retired, but I'll find you Lindros. Don't put your head down while crossing the street or walking back to your car with groceries... Because I'm everywhere."

    Lindros: "Uhhh...ummm...Sorry! Wrong Number!" *hangs up*

    Lindros then curls up into a ball in his closet and cries quietly.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Unknown2:45 PM, August 15, 2007

    This would explain the quizzical looks on my neighbor's faces when I was cutting the grass at 4 am after a game. Thanks for clearing that up.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Jack Gonzo, MD2:55 PM, August 15, 2007

    "Hello there, this is Steve Young, I like long walks on the beach and spending my nights at the Blue Oyster. What? Oh, sorry, thought this was the Date Line."

    ReplyDelete
  22. bizzo500012:40 AM, August 16, 2007

    I'm going upstairs to masturbate(I'm going upstairs to masturbate)

    - Joe Montana

    ReplyDelete
  23. Jay12:21 PM, August 16, 2007

    HI STOP THIS IS TANK JOHNSON STOP I WANT TO GO TO REHAB STOP I AM EXCESSIVELY DEPENDENENT ON ALCOHOL STOP PLEASE EXPECT ME TO RESIST AND SO FEEL FREE TO USE FULL FORCE ON ME IF NECESSARY STOP LOVE TANK JOHNSON STOP

    P.S. THIS REALLY IS TANK STOP

    P.P.S. DON'T LET HIM EVER STOP.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Moliere11:26 AM, August 17, 2007

    "Ruff ruff, arf, woof, Vick, bark bark, bodyslammed me, ruff ruff bark, didn't kill me, bark arf, head hurts, ruff arf arf arf..."

    ReplyDelete