Earlier today, the six of us brainstormed names for some North American franchises we think would attract fans in tomorrow's UFL. Mr. Cuban, feel free to use any of these, totally free of charge. All we really want is a link on BlogMaverick!
Miami Rafters... Orlando Drifters... San Francisco Treats... Utah Whites... Birmingham Church Fire... Portland Dinghys... Quad City DJs... Tacoma Aroma... Fort Lauderdale Foam Party... Memphis Homeless... Lincoln Logjammin'
New York Overheard Comments... Baltimore Barksdales... Omaha Loblaws... South Memphis Leprechauns... Grand Rapids Rapids... St. Louis White Flight... Brooklyn Negroes... Daytona Beaches... Tijuana Donkeys... Detroit Lions
Alabama FatKid HawgDroppers... Ogdenville Monorail... Mexico City Pollution... Milwaukee White Punks on Dope... San Jose Joses... Kansas City Flyovers... Cleveland Steamers... Louisiana Hurricanes... Michigan Breakdowns
Hawaii Lepers... Virginia Gameness... Mattoon Bangs... Dallas Dallassians... Houston Houstonians... San Antonio Antonians... Toronto Informers... Vancouver Salmon... Winnipeg Pegboys... Los Angeles Fucksticks... Camden Dystopia
Fort Worth Folly... Shreveport Flood... Alaska Xanax... New Jersey Asbestos Dumpers... Scranton Schrutes... Des Moines Huffers... Las Vegas Vig... Fort Wayne Flight Risks... Key West Rough Riders... Fire Island Ferries... Columbus Claretts
Boise Ennui... Durham Spandex... Lubbock Homophobes... Albany Men's Free Clinic... Hoboken Handjobs... Malibu Treehorns... Orlando Stokkes... Boston Relapse... Baton Rouge Uninsurables... Atlantic City Stinkpalm
There you go. Only three Katrina jokes: I think we showed considerable restraint. Your submissions in the comments, please.
Kansas City(KS) Evolution
ReplyDeleteLOVE the Los Angeles Fucksticks.
ReplyDeleteAnd, thanks for the restraint with the Katrina jokes...fucksticks.
:)
The L.A. Rehab
ReplyDeleteSan Francisco Unicorns
ReplyDeleteAlbany Steamed Hams (fans of the simpsons should get this one).
Las Vegas Prostitutes...Compton R.I.P.'s...Cincinnati Parolees...
ReplyDeleteEugene Tokers
ReplyDeleteTucson Pharmers
Superintendent Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams?
ReplyDeleteSeymour Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.
Superintendent Chalmers: Uh-huh. What region?
Seymour Skinner: Uhh ... Upstate New York.
Superintendent Chalmers: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams.'
Seymour Skinner:Oh, not in Utica. No, it's an Albany expression.
Superintendent Chalmers: I see.
The Alabama frachise has changed its name to the Photoshoppers.
ReplyDeleteAs a season ticket holder for the Orlando Drifters, I would have to strongly recommend a change to the Gunfire. We are kicking Jacksonville's ass in per capita murder this year.
Also, might I suggest the Seattle Coathangers?
Witchita Kin-Bout Willis
ReplyDeleteChalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? A this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?!
ReplyDeleteSkinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
I think they should split up the AFC and NFC. The AFC could still play a normal season, and the NFC (who gives a shit) could play during the off-season. I need my NFL year-round.
Planet Unicorn, heyyy!
ReplyDeleteAlbany Steamed Hams? Well, I'm from Utica and I've never heard of 'em.
Newark Pimps
Birmingham Inbreds
Philadelphia Depression
New Brunswick Hos (that one's for the WUFL)
Laramie Bashers
ReplyDeletechamomiles knows what i'm talking about. btw, i think a few cities might be fighting over the inbred name.
ReplyDeletei vote for all 3 unicorns from planet unicorn as the s.f. team mascots.
also, thanks CC for the UFl post
The Washington Bullets
ReplyDeleteMontclair Huskygals
ReplyDeleteLas Vegas Teasers
ReplyDeleteAtlanta Dog Fighters
ReplyDeleteThe New Hampshire Jonnycakes.
ReplyDeleteThe Cincinnati Bowties
ReplyDeleteCleveland Brown Stains
ReplyDeleteBoston Yahdoods
ReplyDeletespringfield meltdowns, "I've got 'downs syndrome"
ReplyDeleteStraight from the Windy Apple, the Capital City Capitals.
ReplyDeleteProvidence Ciancis (sorry only new englanders might get this one)
ReplyDeletePanama City Clap
ReplyDeletebeaverfever's already working on marketing slogans. Goddamn!
ReplyDeleteAnother submission:
Tampa Bay Strippers (just think about the cheerleader uniforms)
i actually stole that slogan from that simspsons episode. if i remember correctly lenny was carrying a sign or yelled that slogan.
ReplyDeletebest strip club i've ever been to was in t.b. (mons venus), good call chamomiles.
Juneau JewFros
ReplyDeleteThat may be a bit of a stretch.
Knoxville World's Fair
ReplyDeleteMichigan MARVIN
ReplyDeleteSouth Bend Junktouchers
ReplyDeleteNashville Rainmakers
Cincinnati Profilers
btw, Virginia Gameness was sublime, kudos to whoever cooked that one up.
@Beaverfeaver
ReplyDeleteKarl: Ive got melt mania!
Lenny: Ive got Downs' Syndrome!
The Troy McClures
ReplyDeletenice work mcsheisty
ReplyDeletepeter- how about the Sitka Yids?
ReplyDeleteMatoon Leeches (Leitches?)
ReplyDeleteMankato Kaelins
ReplyDelete@ Insignificant Life,
ReplyDeleteCleveland Towel Stains, perhaps?
North Dakota Almost-Canadians
ReplyDeleteMontana Loners
Shelbyville Jerks
bonus points to anyone who gets Sitka Yids
ReplyDelete"Fire Island Ferries"
ReplyDeleteWithout a doubt, the best.
UM, have you read the new Chabon? Impressions?
ReplyDeletePerhaps the Kentucky slack-jawed-yokels?
ReplyDelete(trying to stay w/the simpsons vibe)
...and my homestate needs a team. Connecticut Cunt Rags?
ReplyDeleteDid I go too far, yep, probably.
Bakersfield Methheads
ReplyDeletemicro- I'm only a few chapters deep but I love it. But I'm a Chabon homer.
ReplyDeleteAlaska Question
ReplyDelete[rimshot]
WITcHita Leather?
ReplyDeleteyeah, it's a shameless brown-nosing
The Surry County PETA's
ReplyDeleteNew England Goalie Pullers
ReplyDeleteGood to hear - the NYT serial was disappointing, but Amazing Adventures bought him a lifetime pass in my book
ReplyDeletePittsburgh Mysteries
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHiroshima Enola Gays
ReplyDeleteNot soon enough?
Boston Booze Bags
ReplyDeleteLA Throat Slitter
San Fran Back Bayers
Brooklyn Bats
New York Crack
San Diego Boarder Jumpers
The Seattle Overdose (@Lexipro Field)
Camden (NJ) Criminals
ReplyDeletemicro- Wonder Boys is one of my favorite novels in the past 20 years. that and Mysteries made me want to go to Pitt. Sadly I never got a class with the prof who influenced Grady Tripp.
ReplyDeleteraskolnikov going international, in that case chernobyl would have a serious claim to the nickname meltdowns.
ReplyDelete@raskolnikov. +1
ReplyDeleteTehran Kabooms
@Raskolnikov
ReplyDeleteI see your Hiroshima Enola Gays
and raise you a "The Berlin Superiors"
There, I'm done.
peter- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Yiddish_Policemen's_Union
ReplyDelete...btw, I was going to go with German Gas...but I thought that was too far. In retrospect, it would have been and I wish I had.
ReplyDeleteThe Los Angeles Drunk Drivers
ReplyDeleteTitusville Challengers
ReplyDeleteto stay on the whole nuclear/radioactive theme, nevada radioactive wastelanders.
ReplyDeleteThe Boston Massholes
ReplyDeleteStaten Island Landfills.
ReplyDeleteThat's it I'm not getting any more work done today.
@beaverfever, I see your Nevada Radioactive wastelanders and raise you to:
ReplyDeleteChernobyl Lymphomas
Green Bay Fudge Packers
ReplyDeleteUM
ReplyDeleteI found it once I saw you all were talking about Chabon. Thanks Wiki.
The (mark) Cuban Douchebags
ReplyDeleteNick Saban suggests the Orlando Donovans.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe Spain Train
ReplyDeleteCincinnati Bow Ties.
ReplyDeleteThe Missouri Misery
ReplyDeleteNew Brunswick (NJ) Pin Cushions
ReplyDeleteThe Rutgers Syphillis
ok..I'll stop. I apologize. To KSKS fandom. Fuck New Jersey.
Pittsburgh Helmetheads
ReplyDeletecicnci bow ties were taken about a half ago. very popular name apparently.
ReplyDeleteCalifornia Wildfires.
ReplyDeleteFuck New Jersey.
ReplyDeleteI concur, and I live in NJ
No other reason other than its existence, right?
Queensland Stingrays
ReplyDeleteReno Divorcee's
ReplyDeleteMadison MudButts
ReplyDeleteGreensburg Touchdowns
ReplyDelete@ Don't You Judge Me and Beverfever
ReplyDeleteI'm going all in with "The Tokyo Bukkake"
Tulsa Redskins
ReplyDeleteJersey smells like chemicals. I'm not even being a dick. It really is that polluted.
ReplyDeleteI hate NJ for that and the fact that nearly 99% of its wretched inhabitants thinks that their state is the tits and they are sooo proud to be from there. It just chaps my ass.
Chicago Crooks
ReplyDeleteLittle Rock Sisterfuckers
ReplyDeleteFlagstaff Fluffers
ReplyDeleteSeattle Depression
ReplyDeleteOklahoma City Bombers?
ReplyDeleteYeah I know.
Prince William Sound Hazelwoods
ReplyDeleteToronto Homewreckers?
ReplyDeleteDamn, coming late to another party here. A lot of good ones there, but the "Baltimore Barksdales" is pure fucking genius.
ReplyDeleteAlright, here's mine:
Vancouver Hydros
San Diego Whale Vaginas
San Francisco Treats
Staten Island Fairies
Bismarck Sinkers
Cincinnati Flytraps
Lincoln Headwounds
Mississippi Mullets
Honolulu Hemophiliacs
Sumatra Tsunamis.
ReplyDeleteI'm already aware that I'm going to hell
La Crosse Halfsmirk
ReplyDeleteReno Janets
ReplyDeleteCorpus Cristi Catamites
ReplyDeleteAtlanta General Shermans
One year, a friend of mine used "Oklahoma City Bombers" for the name his fantasy baseball team. This was in 1995.
ReplyDeleteHere's one: the Michigan Militia
cincinnati race riots
ReplyDeleteThe Columbus You-Jackin-Its
ReplyDeleteCleveland Steamers
Well, that covers Ohio -- unless you want to count the "Parma Johns."
@otto man - a correction:
ReplyDeleteit's the Fire Island Fairies
@otto man - a correction: it's the Fire Island Fairies
ReplyDeleteNah, I'm sticking with the pun on the Staten Island ferry. Plus, I hate that fucking place.
Anyway, it would be the Fire Island Faaaaaabulous!
The Phoenix Rivers
ReplyDeleteAtlantic City Direct Current
ReplyDeletechamomiles, ohio is not done yet. no one has mentioned toledo.
ReplyDeleteMilwaukee Dahmers
ReplyDeleteMilwaukee Flagelence
ReplyDeleteSeattle New Year's Suicide
Baltimore Sam Cassells
Baltimore Bunks
Connecticut Giant Disparities Between the Rich and the Poor
Staten Island Fragrance
Toledo Mud Butters
ReplyDeleteIs everybody ready for some crass, low brow shock that is not really funny and will ultimately make me an outcast from KSK? (Im already going to hell for other reasons; mass pet grave in backyard, kids in trunk, etc.)
ReplyDeleteAlright, here goes!
The Blacksburg Crasians!
Missoula Oblongatas
ReplyDeleteThe Indiana Inbreds
ReplyDeleteEl Paso Illegals Immigrants
ReplyDeletethanks you hercules
ReplyDeleteFor the Phil Collins fans: The Sioux City O's.
ReplyDeleteAnd if Phil doesn't like it, he can sue the Sioux City O's. Oh-oh-oh.
@Chamomiles Davis +100
ReplyDeleteTennessee Tuxedos?
ReplyDeleteMissoula Oblongatas
ReplyDeleteNow that's good. They could play in the same division with the Reno Failures.
Toledo Taco
ReplyDeleteThe Memphis Raines
ReplyDeleteSouth Beach Bikini Waxers
ReplyDeleteMiami Rafters
ReplyDeleteColumbine Gunners
Alabama Late-Term Abortions
Atlanta Freaknik Rapes
New Jersey Rest Stop Handjobs
Mobile Colored Restrooms
Montana Package Bombs
Helena Mirrens
ReplyDeleteSanta Monica Panhandlers
ReplyDeletekentucky whiskey dicks
ReplyDeleteThe Memphis Raines
ReplyDeleteHeh. I had that down but thought no one would get it.
As long as we're on Nick Cage -- the Arizona Raisins.
Casper Friendly Ghosts
ReplyDeleteFor any tranny lovers out there:
ReplyDeleteSouth Beach Conspicuous Adam's Apples
South Beach Really Really Big Hands
for A-Rod:
ReplyDeleteThe Toronto Strange
The Cleveland Garys
ReplyDeleteCompton Drivebys
ReplyDeleteVancouver Hydroponics
Oklahoma Speed
ReplyDeleteMissisippi Backwash
West Virginia First Cousins
Dairien Date Rapists (a CT thing)
Bronx Bodiquas
Nigerian 419's
@flubby: +69
ReplyDeleteThe Paris Penetrators
ReplyDeleteVancouver Hydroponics
ReplyDeleteI already had that. And then I named it here too.
Tanzania T-Cells.
ReplyDeleteCheyenne Chitkickers
ReplyDeleteBrokeback Mountaineers
Mexico Rons
ReplyDelete@otto man: Sorry, I must have missed it. I knew it was too good to be an original idea!
ReplyDeleteD.C. Crack Addicted Mayors
ReplyDeleteBismarck Chancellors
ReplyDeleteParis Penetrators? That's a pretty big team.
ReplyDeleteLynchburg Holy Rollers
ReplyDeleteD.C. Cabs
Charleston Chews
Oklahoma Homos
Montana Joes
Utah Johnnys
Montpelier Saps
ReplyDeleteMiami Sound Machine (i apologize for that one)
ReplyDeletesanta monica lewinskys
Otto Man is destroying this
ReplyDeleteAlabama Slammers (crickets)
ReplyDeleteStockholm Syndrome (crickets)
No worries, Chamomiles. The Missoula Oblongatas has earned you a significant free pass.
ReplyDeleteIf the Paris Penetrators is too much, how about the Paris Penicillin?
Houston FUPA
ReplyDeleted.c. cabs and charleton chews in one comment. yes, otto is on a roll.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNew York Bullshit Smoking Ban
ReplyDeleteGotta say: I LOVE Alaska Xanax.
ReplyDelete"The Xanax sure are looking particularly lethargic on offense out there tonight, huh, Terry?"
DC GentriFire
ReplyDeletePittsburgh Pussy Baskets
ReplyDeleteOtto Man is destroying this
ReplyDeleteThanks. This comes from a decade of thinking up fantasy names. A sad, pathetic decade.
The Stockholm Syndrome is terrific. I'll try to go international.
London Callings
Edinburgh Burrs
Berlin Metros
Amsterdam Brownies
Roman Hands
Venetian Blinds
Luxembourg Collective
You know the recievers for the Pussy Baskets will catch everything.
ReplyDeleteBrooklyn Wife Beaters
ReplyDeleteI was with you on OKC, grimey. Just got here late.
ReplyDeleteWhat about the Gary(IN) Gnus? I would buy a jersey.
In keeping with the theme of the avatar:
ReplyDeleteKentucky Waterfalls
Mississippi Mudflaps
Tennessee Tophats
Since we've gone international...
ReplyDeleteThe Bangkok Lady-boys
The Singapore Canes
The Mumbai Holy Cows
The Calcutta Black Holes
The Tokyo Roses
Colombia Neckties
ReplyDeleteBrazil Waxers
Uruguay Homophobes
Argentina Godhands
Lima Beans
Shanghai Steamers
ReplyDelete@otto- Argentina Godhands? Uruguay Homophobes?
ReplyDeleteI concede to you, sir.
Ivorian Hitman
ReplyDeleteShanghai Surprises
ReplyDeleteKansas City Faggots
ReplyDeleteVietnam Beach Parties
ReplyDeleteHong Kong Phooeys
Cambodia Holidays
Myanmar Burmese
Kyrgyzstan Consonants
Tokyo Roses
Caracas Carcasses
ReplyDeleteKiln, MS, Dildos.
ReplyDeleteI expect commenting to cease NOW for five to ten minutes.
ReplyDelete+10 Chief. Great reference.
ReplyDeleteon the East Coast, anyway
ReplyDeleteObscure-
ReplyDeletethe Ashgabat Fighting Turkmenbashis.
otto, i thought you might have gone with the London Jacks but a reference to The Clash is very cool.
ReplyDeleteSeoul Trains
Manilla Dog Eaters
thanks otto man, we're all just trying to keep up with your good work.
ReplyDeleteMontevideo Blockbusters
ReplyDeleteK.C. Faggots, Blazing Saddles reference if my memory serves me.
ReplyDelete"Roughriders", all one word.
ReplyDeleteThe Ottawa Rough Riders folded due to the cost of the extra space in their letterhead. The Saskatchewan Roughriders live on.
[slow clap for Awful Chief with the KC ref.]
ReplyDeleteThe Teutonic Titwillows?
Molotav Cocktails?
excellent, beaverfeaver. The endzone dances would rule.
ReplyDeletethe Ashgabat Fighting Turkmenbashis.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to see that sideline mascot. A giant gold statue that slowly turns with the sun.
God bless you Otto. I was hoping someone would get that.
ReplyDeleteSalisbury Jukers
ReplyDeleteBristol Yellers
Moose Jaw Boners
ReplyDeletefallex, i'm quessing you're talking about the dog eaters end zone celebrations ?
ReplyDeletemichael vick would try to have the dogs fight before they were eaten.
I'm just glad my city actually got mentioned. And I would totally buy tickets to a Fort Wayne Flight Risks game! They could even have a terrorist as a mascot. Weeeeee
ReplyDeleteIllinois Nazis
ReplyDeleteReviving a classic (real minor league hockey team)
ReplyDeleteMacon Whoopee
Seoul Trains and Montevideo Blockbusters. Well played.
ReplyDeleteAntwerp Nerdlingers
Sydney Lumets
Singapore Slings
Dehli Sandwiches
Manila Envelopes
Istanbul Shitters
Taggart: "I expected you to get a little track laid, not dance around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots."
ReplyDeleteBangkok Blueballs
ReplyDeleteBogota Blow
Milano Cookies
Hanoi Hiltons
Monterrey Jacks
Cancun Chupacabras
ReplyDeletePyongyang Yinyangs
ReplyDeleteSparta 300's
ReplyDeleteBrussels Sprouts
Warsaw Pacts
Odessa Steps
"What in the wide wide world of sports?!"
ReplyDeleteWith my apologies to the fake sports league that was on Deadspin recently:
ReplyDeleteTehran Asarus
Budapest Goulash
ReplyDeleteSorry devang, but:
ReplyDeleteThe Pyongyang Twins