Killing Daryl Johnston: A Symphony Of Murder In Three Movements

If you woke up in the morning and found a bear in your driveway, you might freak out a bit. Likewise, if you woke up in the morning and found a moose in your driveway, you again might lose your shit. But if you woke up in the morning and found a bear killing and eating a moose in your driveway, well that’s what I call an Animal Snuff Porn holiday. Why, you could even paint your boat with leftover moose fluid.

But whatever you do, don’t call Animal Control. My friend Mr. Bear laughs at your pathetic animal control squad. Animals weren’t meant to be controlled. They were meant to roam free and attack each other at will. It’s what God intended, I say.



You know, I went to college in Maine, and I was constantly warned to be on the lookout for moose. Ooh, they might charge you! They might total your car! Well, you know what? I never saw one goddamn moose in my time up there. And now I see this. I tell you, moose, you’re all talk and no action. Oh, and the moose here is dead now.



And now it’s really dead. Wheeeee!!!!!



Special thanks to AnalRapist for the link. I would expect nothing less from someone who names himself after one of the most horrible acts a man can do.