NFL Celebrity Final Four Picks!

During the NFL offseason, we’ll be asking various luminaries of the league establishment to join us in making picks for other prominent sporting events. It’s a day late, but here are the Final Four picks from of your favorite NFL players, coaches, broadcasters, and columnists. Their title picks are in bold.

Norv Turner:
Kansas
UNC
Ohio St.
Florida
NOTE: Turner’s bracket picked all 63 games to chalk.

Bill Simmons:
Texas A&M
Georgetown
Florida
Kansas
NOTE: Should these picks end up being erroneous, I already have an excerpt from Simmons’ next column about it: “When I look back, OF COURSE I should have taken UNC to win it all. In fact, I was ready to pick them. But, as usual, I outsmarted myself. Don’t you just hate when you’re too smart like I always am? Let me reanalyze the entire field in retrospect so that I look like even more of an arrogant prick.”

Najeh Davenport:
Duke
Duke
Duke
Duke

Peter King:
Colgate
Tufts
Ohio U.
Montclair’s Girl’s JV Teeball (“Such Good Kids.”)

Ted Johnson:
Trombone
Hat
Grandpa!
Toenail

Tom Brady:
Coat Hanger
Punch To The Abdomen
Push Down Flight Of Stairs
Crushed RU-486 In A Glass Of Cotes Du Rhone

Chris Berman:
Buffalo
San Francisco
Brown
Leather

Michael Irvin:
Glass Pipe With Tin Foil
Plastic Honey Bear Container
Corncob Pipe
Petrified, Hallowed-Out Human Finger

Tank Johnson:
In The Ass
In The Mouth
In A Stab Wound
In The Eye

Pacman Jones:
Gold Teeth
Criminal Record
Lean
Anything That Will Help Set Black People Back 125 Years

Sean Salisbury:
Via Email
In A Photo Booth
In A Public Park
In A Popcorn Box

Lawrence Phillips:
Rape
Murder
Arson
Rape (He Likes Rape)

John Madden:
Favre
Manning
Brady
”Does Frank Winters Still Play? Remember Him? Ol’ Frank Bag O Donuts?! I Like Donuts!”

Ray Lewis:
Knife
Dagger
Shiv
Awl

Wade Phillips:
Whipped Butter
Mortadella
Egg Yolks
“Bacon Paste”

I’m sure you’ve got some celebrity picks of your own. Tell us in the comments.