Keeping Tabs On Who Keith Olbermann Bangs

There was an episode of The Larry Sanders Show where Larry was about to nail Sharon Stone, only he couldn’t get an erection until his show was on TV. And if there’s any real-life broadcaster who fits that profile, why it’s gotta be Keith Olbermann. It appears Keith has become quite the coxsman as of late. First there was this story in October:

A BROWN-haired beauty who claims she had an unsatisfying one-night stand with Keith Olbermann is getting her sweet revenge - she's launched a blog to warn other women about the acerbic MSNBC commentator's boorish bedroom habits.

The bitter babe, who calls herself KarmaBites1, says she doesn't want others "to fall into the same trap . . . and I want him to feel some remorse for what he's done . . . He sets his mind on a woman, lures her in, and once he gets what he wants, he refuses to ever speak to them again. And I don't think he understands the damage he's caused."

Sounds like every other single guy to me. I have no issue with this.

…when "sexual activity began [in] less than an hour," Olbermann had difficulty. "I pretended he knew what he was doing," the embittered blogger writes. "I adored the guy. I didn't want him to think he was a dud in bed," so she faked experiencing ecstasy.

Next, he piled on excuses as to why he had to leave. "He told me he's an insomniac and that it's hard for him not to sleep in his own bed. He also mentioned he hadn't had 'company' in a while. [He said] he had an early meeting with the Yankees [and] he might be allergic to the pillows in the hotel bed."

I don’t know why Keith needed three excuses. One usually suffices before bolting for the door.

Six days later, she claims, Olbermann e-mailed her to tell her never to contact him again. "I practically begged him to explain what I did wrong. I told him I deserved some kind of explanation for such a dismissal, but I never heard from him again." She said she's since heard from six other women who say they had brief sexual relationships with Olbermann. She named her blog forthisreliefmuchthanks.blogspot.com, after a line from "Hamlet" she says the perennial bachelor quoted.

So, does he quote that after he’s experienced sexual release? Because that’s something I could see Olbermann or any writer at McSweeney’s doing. So there’s the preface. Now we come to today, with this item, again from the fabulous Page Six:

MESSAGE to Keith ("The Quick") Olbermann's girlfriend: Your man likes porn stars. Triple-X sex siren Mary Carey told Free-FM's "Radio Chick" show that the MSNBC blabbermouth once called her and left a "rambling message" in which he asked her out. But Carey, star of such steamy adult classics as "Boobsville Sorority Girls," says she turned him down "because I had a boyfriend at the time." Olbermann - who last year was accused of bedding, then dumping, a sexy young fan who then blogged about what she called their lackluster fling - is now dating a young college grad. But Olbermann's rep insisted it was Carey who called him. Olbermann had her as a guest on his show in 2003 when she was running for governor of California. "It's a well-documented fact that Keith is off the market," the flack added.

I have a hard time believing Mary Carey would turn down a bologna sandwich, much less sex from a famous, rich person. So I’m gonna side with Keith here. But it’s nice that he’s dating a young college grad now. Presumably, he needs to date girls who are still young enough to remember lines from Shakespeare they were forced to read in school. Excelsior to you, Keith. You got to Suzy Kolber before she turned into a lesbian, and now you’re shootin’ for the younguns. Well played.

Oh, and someone else blogged about nailing Keith as well, in a farcical manner.