We largely tend to shy away from posting actual rumors here at KSK. Why? Because they’re almost always wrong. And our business is comedy and unabashed vitriol, not half-assed reportage. Alas, we have been sent a nugget that’s simply too juicy to pass up. But it involves a player that, frankly, I have become extremely fond of. As such, I have decided to couch this rumor in my preferred form of gossip… The Blind Item!
Which starting QB and carnal weapon of mass destruction was seen partying into the wee hours the night BEFORE the Super Bowl? An intrepid reader sends in this tip!
“I'm a regular reader of KSK and figured I'd pass this along. A (friend of a friend of mine) works security and was hired to work at the clubs this weekend. He said that (the horny bazooka) was out til 4 a.m. the night before the Super Bowl at a club called Rolex. He took some pictures but was forced to delete them. I was hoping to get the pictures but just found out this morning. I guess without the pictures it’s not much of a story, but thought you'd enjoy anyways. The guy said, right after that night, they made all the employees delete the pictures and if any pictures got out they'd all be fired.
After seeing how f'd up (the grenade launcher of love) was, he called to make sure we didn't bet on the Bears. Said he had been out Friday and Saturday night.”
Who could it be? Your guesses in the comments!
Tony Dungy.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly.
ReplyDeleteNo. It's obviously one of the Bears: It was Lovie.
ReplyDeleteVirginia McCaskey
ReplyDeleteI really wish our intrepid readers could get us this information before the gambling deadline.
ReplyDeleteKatie Couric.
ReplyDeleteHorny bazooka? Oh, that has to be the laser rocket arm quarterback, I mean look at his neck length if that doesn't scream bazooka I don't know what does.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that information would have been real cool around 5:30 Sunday, not 11:30 Wednesday.
Horny bazooka? Oh, that has to be the laser rocket arm quarterback, I mean look at his neck length if that doesn't scream bazooka I don't know what does.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that information would have been real cool around 5:30 Sunday, not 11:30 Wednesday.
Was it an astronaut?
ReplyDeletewhen did Tiger Woods start lending his caddy out for use by Bears?
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious: Peyton Manning.
ReplyDeleteHe was so hungover, so foggy-headed, he completely forgot to choke.
Wow, Jeff Saturday can really hold his liquor.
ReplyDeleteUM wins.duz
ReplyDeleteThat Brad Maynard is INCORRIGIBLE.
ReplyDeleteWas McCaskey the one not wearing panties at the Penthouse Party? Or was that Georgia Fontinierre of the Rams? I can never tell them apart...
ReplyDeleteThe reanimated corpse of Terry Bradshaw?
ReplyDeleteTenzing Norgay?
ReplyDeleteWas McCaskey the one not wearing panties at the Penthouse Party? Or was that Georgia Fontinierre of the Rams? I can never tell them apart..
ReplyDeleteI really like the taste of regurgitated turkey. Fuck you very much bouj.
Muhsin Mohammed drinks?
That Brad Maynard is INCORRIGIBLE.
ReplyDeleteSusilo Bambang Yudhoyono?
ReplyDeleteObviously this is Kyle Orton - and it would only be surprising if he wasn't out drinking until 4 am the night before the Super Bowl.
ReplyDeleteDuh. Sarah Spain.
ReplyDeleteSince, y'know, UM already (righteously) won.
It was clearly Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Those Iranians are some really wacky people.
ReplyDeleteColonel Mustard in the conservatory with the rope.
ReplyDeleteWho would ever go to a club called Rolex!?? What a gay name. No way R.G.(if that's really who it was) would be caught dead in a place like that.
ReplyDeleteThey probably have some stupid catch phrase like: It's "TIME" to party!!
I just learned from an online publication that The Rolex "is a strip club, but it's a club as well." I'm fucking intrigued. Does this mean that there are strippers that dance on the dance floor instead of on a stage?
ReplyDeleteOh well, it may have been in the wee hours of the morning, but at least he probably covered someone's spread on Super Bowl Sunday.
Katie Couric would do something like that. She is a liberal bitch ya know.
ReplyDeleteGotta be Jim Sorgi. Ever since OSU's Robert Reynolds on-field choking incident he's been a loose cannon
ReplyDeleteuh... guys. if this is the same Club Rolex i am thinking of...
ReplyDeleteit is, ummmmm, how do i say this politely? not for the melaninally challenged?
It was obviously James Dungy. That guy knows how to party.
ReplyDeleteI am going to have to ask for a judges ruling but I do believe that was over line.
Obviously Ron Fucking Mexico
ReplyDeletewww.adventuresofronmexico.blogspot.com
Footsteps Falco?
ReplyDeleteGeorge Halas
ReplyDeleteSeriuosly, the things I would do to Katie Couric most wouldn't do to a farm animal
ReplyDeleteI am going to have to ask for a judges ruling but I do believe that was over line.
ReplyDeleteyeah because this blog is nothing but class.
damn.
ReplyDeleteIs this the end of Zombie Brian Piccolo?
ReplyDeleteKyle Orton
ReplyDeleteBILL BRASKY!!!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it was Sean Salisbery and "lil Sean"...check the camera on your cell phone....but I'm not sure he covered any spread on Sunday morning; because there was only 1 QB who can cover a spread on Super Sunday......but, I doubt it was the Sex Cannon because he was warming up with the Circus Soleil chicks making sure that they were well stretched and limber for their routine later in the day on Sunday.
ReplyDeleteDrunk the night before affecting his Super Bowl performance? My guess is Bill Leavy!
ReplyDeleteHey, you know what someone should do? Someone should totally make a post where they act all confident about knowing who the "mystery person" is, but then...(wait for it)...they should name someone who is obviously NOT the person in question! That would be hilarious! People reading would be all "What? It couldn't possibly be THAT person...oh, I understand the joke now. You got me!"
ReplyDeleteBut it would only be funny once. If it happened more than that, it would be gay.
Are we talking Kevin Spacey gay or Andrew Ridgley gay?
ReplyDeleteHey guys, an email was just forwarded to me by Walter Payton saying that Len Bias and Mario Danelo were witnessed doing lines of coke off of Jimmy Valvano's cock by the 1970 Marshall football team. Unfortunately there haven't been any pictures released, YET - some say Darrent Williams had his digital camera with him. We can only pray.
ReplyDeleteI really think it is Rex Grossman.
ReplyDeleteNow that was just wrong. And gay.
ReplyDeletePeter King? Trolling for another porcolonic?
ReplyDeleteAre we talking Kevin Spacey gay or Andrew Ridgley gay?
ReplyDeleteSo my choices are "Has a fake wife"-gay or "Hangs with Mr. Gloryhole"-gay? Shouldn't there be a third Ted Haggerty-esque "Acts like homosexuality can be cured in 3 weeks but still secretly loves the cock and claims he's not gay because the guy sucking his dick is the gay one"-gay option?
the intrepid reader was probably drunk somewhere and couldn't provide the info before sunday.
ReplyDeleteJust a hunch though.
Interesting how this only comes out after the game, not before. I smell BS all the way.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, someone else correctly guessed it was Virginia McCaskey. Siragusa was seen doing body shots from her cleavage.
when he got to the door he said, "tell them R. Grossman is here... wait no! thats too obvious... just tell them Rex G. is here!"
ReplyDeleteIf he hadn't been out the night before, would he really have been much better?
ReplyDeleteHe probably had KY on his hands from the night before when he made those two 2nd half throws.
ReplyDeleteThe obvious:
ReplyDeleteJoe Namath.
Tenzing Norgay?
ReplyDeletewas taking a sip of java as i read that. my computer screen is now coffee-colored.
Since Rolex isn't a gay bar, you know it wasn't Peyton Manning.
ReplyDeleteCould it have been John Elway partying it up with a plumpy Tyra Banks? It seems Mr. Elway has a fondness for women of the ebony persuasion... John Elway's Myspace!?
Scratch that last link - Here's the one that works: John Elway's Myspace
ReplyDeleteWas it Simmons? We haven't heard from that guy in days; Saturday come to think of it.
ReplyDeleteLet's not judge- it worked for Max McGee, and he had to slip bed check too!
ReplyDeleteHey guys, an email was just forwarded to me by Walter Payton saying that Len Bias and Mario Danelo were witnessed doing lines of coke off of Jimmy Valvano's cock by the 1970 Marshall football team. Unfortunately there haven't been any pictures released, YET - some say Darrent Williams had his digital camera with him. We can only pray.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
It had to be Adam Vinatieri, seeing that is his place of work.
good times.
ReplyDelete