Well, the Bears landed yesterday. And if you don't think The Sex Cannon That Is Rex Grossman will be using the next seven days to film his own personal gonzo porn miniseries, you are wrong. It'll be like Angels in America, except not queer.
Reader Justin sent me this photo, but even better was the link he sent me to the footage of Rex Grossman shooting a Got Milk ad. Nothing can really prepare you for this. Suffice it to say, Sexy Rexy is quite amused to find that, for once, he's the one getting the facial.
Sorry for the threadjack, but her comes the self-important douchiness.
ReplyDeletehttp://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/070129
Rextacy looked a little too happy with that mustache on. He's obviously had thick white fluid around his mouth many, many times before.
ReplyDeleteDevang, get thee to the message board. Anyone caught talking about Simmons in a Sex Cannon post will get blackballed.
ReplyDeleteMeaning: I will punch you in the nuts until they turn black.
Sorry CC. Still learning the etiquette of the KSK gay mafia.
ReplyDeleteBottle of Popov make it up guv'nor?
Sorry CC. Still learning the etiquette of the KSK gay mafia.
ReplyDeleteBottle of Popov make it up guv'nor?
sorry for the double post
ReplyDeleteRexy had "a few loose ends to tie up" before he could fully concentrate on the game. Was Rachel Nichols in Chicago last week?
ReplyDeleteJim Tressel is seething in envy at that sweater vest.
ReplyDeleteIs Rex giving everyone a glimpse at his "O" face?
ReplyDeleteInteresting side note, the sex cannon and I share the same taste in mens sunglasses.
There was no need for words in this post, the picture was waay to fucking cool for mere words.
ReplyDeleteHis interview made him seem slightly retarded, and by that i mean completely awesome.
No way was that milk in the glass.
sweater vests make me hot.
ReplyDeleteBecky, I think we all know he swiped that look from Timberlake.
ReplyDeleteFunny you should mention that, since nobody makes me hot like JT. But this is a football site, so I'll "settle" for Sexy Rexy.
ReplyDeleteBecky's comment becomes a lot funnier if you're dumb like me and initially think "JT" is for Jim Tressel.
ReplyDeleteNine months from now Miami will be overrun with litters of Rextuplets.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if that plane had a flight attendant that showed Rexy where all the exits were located.
ReplyDeletehow do you know it doesn't?
ReplyDeletewv: dakop.
if you see dakop this week, give tank a heads-up.
I think Grossman looks somewhat like comedian Nick Swardson in that photo. But that's just me.
ReplyDeleteBecky's comment becomes a lot funnier if you're dumb like me and initially think "JT" is for Jim Tressel.
ReplyDeletemwcb,
Jim Tressel gets ALL the ladies hot. The vest, the glasses... ooh, I better stop - I'm turning myself on.
I actually have a completely sexual crush on Nick Swardson. You're in my head today, Big Daddy.
ReplyDelete"Bring on the sexy stews, man!!!"
ReplyDeleteRex obviosly hononring the "little Sex cannon", who will be performing at the half time show, by wearing the purple vest.
And do I mean his crank not Prince.
So I think we can agree that Becky's type ranges from juvenile to prepubescent.
ReplyDeleteNicholas! You should fight crime!!!!!
"This milk moustache shit doesn't make me Kevin Spacey gay, does it?"
ReplyDeleteMy son has asked for a new Bears jersey to wear to a Super Bowl party, and since we live in Arkansas, our options are limited to Urlacher or Grossman. Who did he pick?
ReplyDeleteThat's right. Even 9-year-old boys are not immune from the Rextasy.
When I was at the Bears-Bucs game this year, everybody and their impregnated girlfriend had on an Urlacher jersey, with the exception of what I described as "a smattering of Rex Grossman jerseys, mostly worn by females and small boys who don't know any better."
ReplyDeleteI think when his "Sex Cannon" alter-ego started to become mainstream Lovie demanded he tone down the sex with the purple sweater vest. Clearly, it did not work.
ReplyDeleteLovie demanded he tone down the sex with the purple sweater vest. Clearly, it did not work.
ReplyDeleteTo the contrary, a man with the killer combination of lavender sweater-wearing brass ball mojo, and a lack of the real style-sense to pull it off (read: Everyone Knows He's Straight), is gonna be pulling more tail than a 4 year-old at a retarded kitten Convention.
Rex has stepped it up to the next level. He may play Sunday in flip-flops & shorts.
Add that 'milk' mustache with the guy in this pic and everything is clear!
ReplyDeletehttp://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/media/photo/2007-01/27546175.jpg
With both my parents being FSU grads, I was taught from birth to stay away from Gator boys. Unfortunately for them, they could not have predicted such a Sex Cannon could come out of that lowly school, with a laser arm and finely groomed eyebrows, and throw all their warnings to shit.
ReplyDeleteDrew you left us clamoring for more....I was sad to see only two little paragraphs dedicated to Rex's week of fucking.
ReplyDeleteBTW: did anyone do a double take and think that it was Corbin Bernsen handing Grossman that glass of milk?
During the interview you can just see Rex mentally banging all female members of that guys family.
ReplyDeleteThe sweater vest is worn to lull us all into thinking he's mellowed. That's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side. From the Sex Cannon you didn't even know was there.
ReplyDeleteClever girl.
Sorry to correct you, holly, but I believe all of the Sex Cannon's attacks come from the rear.
ReplyDeleteRexy can find holes anywhere.
ReplyDeleteSomehow this would be better if he were wearing a purple helmet.
ReplyDeleteWV: jsrxxz
Jizz Rexxy? I think so.
The Sex Cannon does take just one angle to attack it's like an all out blitzkrieg on every front.
ReplyDeletethat'd be does not. Rex gets me a little excited.
ReplyDeleteIf you think the purple sweater-vest is going to turn down the teenage girl obsession with rextacy, you are dead wrong. That look would totally win Jerry Azumah's GQ.
ReplyDeleteWith the big boy knot comes the big boy watch!
Kudos to those who have any idea what I'm talking about.
Sir Rex Alot makes his own holes.
ReplyDeleteOMG, Sex Cannon in a v-neck. I can see the panties flying from here.
ReplyDeleteThere's a picture of the lucky Mrs. Rextasy here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/01/the_notverylong_2.html
What a shock, she's blonde.
ReplyDeleteDear laser rocket arm,
ReplyDeleteSTOP THE HATE
Blondes are awesome.
Re:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/01/the_notverylong_2.html
I had no idea the Garrard's took part in the Matrix trilogy.
Bulger In My Pants--
ReplyDeleteSome are.
:D
So the sex cannon is a fan of the blonde's. I pegged him as more of a red head fan myself.
ReplyDeleteCheck out the quotes from this interview on the Super Bowl Cumslinger...
ReplyDeleteInterview
"Tonight there's no curfew and then the rest of the week we have a curfew...".
That just means that tonight is the night, so ladies get ready to be Rexterminated - no panties allowed.
Damn, I'm cheering for the Bears already and we've got 6 days left!!!!
Drew - it is true that a picture tells 1000 words. Nuff said about the Sex Cannon on day 1. BUT... we've got to hear more during Media Day. KSK Gay Mafia, do your thing.
ReplyDeleteDear SavetheSteagles:
ReplyDeleteIf in fact you are a woman, that you would choose such a name means that we were fated to be. I will arrive for you shortly.
If you are not, in fact, a woman, it's been awhile. I will arrive for you shortly.
Regards,
'dre
I don't know how to get my picture to appear on my posts, but yes, I am indeed a woman.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sex Cannon. You're not fooling me with your casual demeanor, your lavender Tresselvest, your lavender-er tie, and your 5 o'clock shadow. Because I know behind those sunglasses, you have the eyes of a predator... and you're staring down some baggage-handler chick off to the side.
ReplyDeleteRextascy had just joined the "Mile High Fuck Club" minutes before that picture was taken.
ReplyDeletei keep hearing the chorus to "sledgehammer" sung with "sex cannon"
ReplyDeleteand i like it better