KSK Top Secret Playoff Scouting Report Bukkake: Indianapolis Colts

Every day this week KSK will take a closer look at each of the NFL's Final Four. Today's top secret scouting report is submitted by a former pro and television analyst who agreed to speak with complete candor in exchange for anonymity.

Today: the Indianapolis Colts.



I dell do I doan lie da Cose chan do bin agin da Paydreeit. Baidin Madding duddin ab da big gabe expedien do come oud on dop in dif baddle ub hebbywaist. No, heed got dee expedien, bud he ahwaid fine way do lude big game wed it count, espeddally again Bill Belldachix an due Paydreeod.

Doo stebbidy Coats need dow fine ron dee-fen. Dee-fen da keedo win shamships, an doe Coats nah hab do dee-fen do win do Doopa Bow. Buddiff Paydon Manning toe big padded an make dum big pwayed, day cud bee dow dooby dooby run run, dooby dooby dow dooby do run run...

Wud wud I dayin'? Oh deah, do Coal dee-fen da lab due week id not Coe deepends prum reglah seedin, an I tink -- no, I node -- shabba lamma ding dong bip bop scooby da Paydreeod wid Tob Brady gon' come bow don dop in dis baddle ub hebbywaist contendruhs.

Indee, I be strade wid you: yo dee-fen could'n sdop me ip you plade twelb men on da bield all drying due guard me, da gradest tide end ebber due play fooball. Da pact dat you made id dis far id a desdesdesdesdament due da distance dat da Rabens hab fallen dint I retied ad da gradest tide end dat ebber libbed.

***clears throat***

Furthermore, is it just because I'm black that I can't tell the difference between Boomer Esiason and Phil Simms? Those pasty blond fucks look exactly the same to me.