The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition, one we at KSK are super fucking excited to be a part of. For the next two weeks, stars from the world of entertainment, politics, and more will drop by to make their picks for the big game in Miami! Next up, conservative pundit, Ann Coulter!
It really pains me to say it, but I told you so, America. Decades of entitlements and set-asides for minorities in this country have resulted in this: the Super Bowl, one of, if not the, preeminent American cultural institution, will feature two black head coaches. That's right, African-Americans, who comprise only 12 percent of the overall population, now occupy 100 percent of Super Bowl head coaching positions. It's reverse racism at its most vile and we, the right-thinking America, must put a stop to it.
Now I'm sure you're in favor of this if you happen to be one of those wimpy, guilty conscience plagued liberals who read those Marxist mouthpieces, The New York Times or The Washington Post. Hell, you'd probably be even happier if it were Osama bin Laden and Hugo Chavez facing off for the Lombardi Trophy with illegal immigrants playing every position and gay marriages being performed at halftime.
And, honestly, who else is sick of hearing about Tony Dungy? Your son committed suicide last year. Boo-freaking-hoo. You know who else commits suicide? Terrorists. Tony Dungy is just like all those camera-mugging 9/11 widow harpies begging for attention and sympathy. Well, I'm sorry Tony, I'm too busy thinking about how this country is going to win the war on terror.
But don't let that make you think I'm rooting for Chicago, that liberal outpost of the Midwest. I'm sure Mayor Daley will have his shock troops ready to fix the game upon cocaine addict Barack Hussein Obama's command.
My prediction: Tom Tancredo carries all 53 states in 2008, including the three we annex from the Middle East and convert to Christianity, while Hillary gets bupkis. Then all the godless Massachusetts and San Francisco liberals sarcifice her to their pagan deity of science.
Oh, what? You want my prediction for the Super Bowl?
Fine. Colts 30, Bears 6. But Chicago only appears to score because the biased, liberal, equivocating, pseudo-journalistic rags, The New York Times and The Washington Post, change the score after the game.
Thanks, Ann! We'll have more celebrity picks as we approach the big game!
I still say she's a tranny. UM, you seem to have some expertise in that area. What say you?
ReplyDeleteTranny or not, I'd still love to punch her in the face. I know you're not supposed to hit girls, but she deserves it.
ReplyDeleteShe has an adam's apple the size of Leon Spinks' fist.
ReplyDeleteWV: "lloufr" As in "Elihu, will you lloufr by stretch marks?"
She writes on a sixth-grade level for people who read at a fifth-grade level. But she makes a shit-ton of money stoking and feeding off the fears of the stupid and the easily-spooked, so more power to her, I guess.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, there's nothing wrong with Ann Coulter that a big, black cock in her ass couldn't fix.
Is it terrifying to anyone else that you could read that and think 'wow, Ann Coulter ACTUALLY sent in her own piece. cool.'
ReplyDeleteAnd a punch in the face and a big clack cock in her ass are the first of many things that hateful tranny deserves.
Nice work. It's hard to parody someone who's already a parody. I mean, how do you top mocking the 9/11 widows as "grief whores"?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, there's nothing wrong with Ann Coulter that a big, black cock in her ass couldn't fix.
Ask, and she shall receive:
ifuckedanncoulterintheasshard.blogspot.com
You're aware that's she so ridiculous she's beyond parody, right?
ReplyDeleteNice Dungy-widows comparison, ha. I'm getting more excited about the Michael Moore post, though, where he selectively pulls clips to convince us that Grossman is the MVP and Manning is an over-the-hill hack.
ReplyDeleteIf Mann Coulter would actually write something like that, I'd consider laughing.
ReplyDeleteAs it is now, I'm with PLK.
Nice job, Ape.
Here's the direct link to that site.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy! Ann sure did.
"My powers are beyond your understanding! Castle Grayskull will be mine!"
ReplyDeleteWhat? You mean that WASN'T Ann Coulter?!? Shit! You had me at "right-thinking."
ReplyDeleteFacist bitch.
What would happen if Michael Moore fucked Ann Coulter? Would we get a moderate offspring?
ReplyDeleteApe, this is your finest work ever (other than NOIS), and I'm here to man up and respectfully apologize for ever doubting you.
ReplyDeleteWhile the Annvestite is a self-parody, as someone else noted, you are spot on. I wish you didn't have to put a fucking picture of her at the top of the column, but you had no choice--we're all slaves to style.
That was better than the Super Bowl.
ReplyDeleteWhat would happen if Michael Moore fucked Ann Coulter? Would we get a moderate offspring?
ReplyDeleteNo, devang, we get nightmare fuel.
That trick looks like Max Headroom...
ReplyDeleteNot sure if you guys checked out Otto Man's link. But you should. It's funnier than Coulter's face.
ReplyDeleteplease. PLEASE
ReplyDeletedo not EVER use the words Ann Coulter and Bukkake in the same sentence ever again
Spongy liberals afraid of the skinny little lady? My Oh my! HeHeHe.
ReplyDeleteCoulter would never pick the Colts. After all, they wear blue.
That bitch reminds me of the guy from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade after he drinks from the wrong cup.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, there's nothing wrong with Ann Coulter that a big, black cock in her ass couldn't fix.
ReplyDeleteI once had a drag queen tell me that. Anyway, good work Ape, it's like I'm stabbing myself in the neck all over again.
I give that an A++++ (oh wait--4th plus is just Kahlua)
ReplyDelete