"Hey man.""Hey, buddy. What's up."
"Nuthin much, bro. You?"
"Nuthin much. Been busy lately."
"Cool. Hey, do you wanna go play some football, but with COLLEGE RULES?"
"Sure, man."
"Alright."
"Cool. I just trounced your ass. That was awesome."
"What do you mean? We haven't even played each other yet."
"No, dude, it's COLLEGE RULES, and the POLLS fucking hate you."
"The Poles? Oh, no."
"Oh, yes. Your ass just got served."
"But I've been so busy lately. Don't I deserve something for STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE?"
"I would take that up with the COMPUTERS."
"Ah."
"Hey."
"What's up?"
"You should have WHORED YOURSELF FOR VOTES, dude. It totally works. That's how I slapped down your shit."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Cool."
"Cool."
ONE WEEK LATER
"Hey man."
"Hey, buddy. What's up."
"Nuthin much, bro."
"Yeah, so how'd you like that butt-fucking I just gave you?"
"Wow, I don't think I really like COLLEGE RULES now."
"What?"
"I am frustrated by the fact that, although each of us has received consideration by the POLLS, those accolades appear to be entirely arbitrary, and yet we are confined to their respective outcomes because no other option seems to be mutually cognizant."
"No, I meant that I just literally butt-fucked you. How did you like it?"
"Really? I didn't feel anything. Did you just get out of the pool?"
"No."
"Oh."
"What do we do now?"
"Let's take off our wet clothes and play Madden."
"Yeah. We should play Madden."
"Cool."
"Cool."
Thank you, Monday Morning Punter. Great post. And by great post, I mean great photo of fit, shirtless, young men.
ReplyDeleteswing, did you even READ the post?
ReplyDeleteYeah, something about strength of schedule. My eyes ran over the words, but my brain just kept focusing on the picture. I think that may have been the firt time I truly understood what it's like to be a man.
ReplyDelete*first
ReplyDeleteI love you for your mind, Baby, so I will reread the post to appreciate your clever work.
Okay, I absorbed it. I agree that a Madden tourney would be only slightly more arbitrary and unsupportable than the current BCS situation. Nice job.
ReplyDeletePhew. All that commenting... I'm spent. See you guys tomorrow.
Swing just rubbed one out.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteDid swing just rub one out?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteWell, at least this one had a little bit of payoff. The Goodell one yesterday left me.. unfulfilled.
ReplyDeletefuckin' ebays. somebody get meg whitman on the skype phone!
ReplyDeleteArbitrary, contrarian AND gay. Of course, by being so, it allowed me to win a bet. And I just got my vodka payoff, which is awesome.
ReplyDeleteHowever, Christmas is coming, can you send one of those boys, too...?
To do what? Re-decorate your living room?
ReplyDeleteWow, what the hell was that? I only clicked submit once and it posted 4 times? I know it took something like 5 minutes before it said it was posted, but seriously, what the hell?
ReplyDelete(someone delete those extra ones!)
Decorate, flex, whatever.
ReplyDeleteI dug it, pirate sloth. I thought you were making fun of swing4's multiple posts.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahha - it did turn out kind of amusing, didn't it.
ReplyDeleteFor some odd reason KSK has been slow for me the past few days. My slothness must be infecting the comp's I work on.
*sigh*
A sloth calling something slow? I know there's a word for that, but je ne said quoi.
ReplyDeleteCrap! sais!
ReplyDeletefound this interesting too:
ReplyDeletehttp://criticalsports.typepad.com/critical_sports_blog/2006/12/on_the_road_to_.html
Thank you for remembering there are chicks who read the blog. NICE picture.
ReplyDelete