Shaun Alexander:
Crimes: Drafted #1 overall in many leagues, Alexander has played sparingly and underperformed when in the lineup. Foot healed by Jesus, who apparently does not have a specialty in orthopedics. Wife has pancake ass.
Chad Johnson:
Crimes: Continually underperforms despite being perfectly healthy and capable. Infrequent TD celebrations have been unimaginative at best. Being black does not make him exempt from the rule that any guy named Chad is a complete assbag.
Daunte Culpepper:
Crimes: Injured. Shitty. Best season was recent enough to be a complete cocktease. Couldn't read a defense even if he had a teleprompter installed in his helmet.
Lamont Jordan:
Crimes: Plays for horrific team. May be benched for independent Jewish running back Lieberman Jordan.
Cadillac Williams:
Crimes: Emulates hero Curtis Martin by averaging .0008 yards per carry. Actually managed to overtake Mike Alstott as the most overrated runner in Bucs history.
Edgerrin James:
Crimes: Offensive line is not who he thought they was. Big signing bonus means he eat rots of Benihana food rate at night.
Reggie Bush:
Crimes: Being the next Peter Warrick. Repeatedly mistaking the sideline for the end zone.
Domanick Davis:
Crimes: Did you hold your draft sometime in mid-August? Yeah? Then fuck this guy. Am I right?
Kurt Warner, Drew Bledsoe:
Crimes: Making you think they weren't washed up when they really have been for ages, but were surrounded by enough skill position talent that you thought maybe, JUST maybe they'd find some old magic and produce great numbers. But they fucking sucked like they always do and now you're in last place because you had to start Bruce Gradkowski last week. I mean, fuck. Seriously. Fuck.
Cast your vote NOW!
Warner and Bledsoe thank you for your support.
ReplyDeleteI'm Chris Chambers and I disapprove of this election being held without me.
ReplyDeleteShaun Alexander - a reason against God's existence that Richard Dawkins didn't use in his Time discussion with Francis Collins.
ReplyDeleteCadillac Williams - He runs like he's missing a spleen.
Lamont Jordan - Edgerrin James 2 years ago.
Ben Roethlisberger, Santonio Holmes and Chaz Batch (for not killing Cowher and marching onto the field)
ReplyDeleteRandy Moss feels left out. He even went all out last night to make this list in time by dropping several balls to make up for being on a bad team.
ReplyDeleteBigo, feel free to write in Neil Rackers. I would've included more white skill position players, but Keith Elias wasn't drafted very high in my league.
ReplyDeletejesus christ big o...where are you getting this from?
ReplyDeleteMarc Bulger has been fucking unreal this season (13/1 td to int ratio is a good indicator). he and "lil manning" are both top ten fantasy quarterbacks.
Big Ben could be considered a bust, but he wasn't a very highly regarded fantasy QB to begin with. Unfortunately, the most disappointing players in fantasy this year just also happen to be black. And I think we all know what that means.
ReplyDeleteFantasy football is totally fucking racist.
some may say shaun alexander should win this award, but my fantasy team is 7-2 and he's barely been in my lineup...then again, i'm brilliant (for a guy who drafted the madden coverboy).
ReplyDeleteAs a nonvoting DC resident, it gives me great pleasure to take part in this.
ReplyDelete1) Shawn Alexander
2) Chad Johnson
3) Daunte Culpepper
These were the most disappointing black players on the list that this white fantasy team owner living below the Mason-Dixon Line could find.
Appropos of nothing, but I totally want that Mr. Glass figurine/doll/action figure. Not only was he a completely badass character,(in an oddly unbadass movie) but in a few years when M. Night Shamalamadingdong's head explodes from the pressure of his own ego, it totally skyrocket in value. It'll be worth hundreds of dollars.
ReplyDeleteLiterally...hundreds.
as for the others, delhomme and palmer haven't been great but they're having a hell of a lot more success than the quarterbacks listed.
ReplyDeleteTiki...er, uh, Shaun Alexander has to be first. Ocho Cinco is second, and Reggie third.
ReplyDeleteLamont Jordan gets my vote. I drafted him, then traded Chad Johnson for Alexander. Talk about a triple threat.
ReplyDeleteI'll go with Edge, Cadillac, and Daunte.
ReplyDeleteCulpecker. I'm so glad he decided to rehab at a strip mall next to a chinese joint to piss off Brad Childress so he would drop his sucky ass.
ReplyDeleteBut Mos Def is supposed to be the Black Dante.
ReplyDeleteAnd by choosing Daunte, he's for all 3 of my votes, because he sucks that much.
ReplyDelete1. Alexander (Wasn't he is the top 3 of every preseason list?)
ReplyDelete2. Cadillac (I traded Anquan Boldin straight up to get Cadillac. At least Boldin's not doing shit either.)
3. Culpepper (I am Daunte's bitch. I had him in 2004 and life was sweet. I need to just let it go.)
In my league the draft went-
ReplyDeleteLarry Johnson
Sean Alexander
Ladanian Tomilinson
All LT does is score every week.
If you have to start a TE every week, I'm sure Antonio Gates is not make you happy compared to last year.
Dear bigo:
ReplyDelete1. Ryan Leaf
2. Brian Bosworth
3. Tony Mandarich
Hope that helps...
What does Steve Blass have to do with Culpepper?
ReplyDeleteok people...it's S-H-A-U-N!
ReplyDeleteMy bad UM, being Irish and drunk doesn't help my spelling.
ReplyDeleteMy three votes:
ReplyDelete1 - Drew Bledsoe
2 - Edgerrin James
3 - Daunte Culpepper
I have reggie bush AND caddy in my FFL.
ReplyDeleteso my top 2 votes go equally to both of them, along with a big "fuck you."
3rd place goes to culpepper, just because I feel your pain if you started him at all.
1. edge. he can go fucking catch herpes from leinart for all i care. fucker ruined my team with the no. 4 pick. (of course. that fucking no. 4 pick).
ReplyDelete2. culpepper. doesn't he have a boat to captain?
3. alexander. doesn't deserve to fuck that wife of his if he can't play. i'd take over for him, if you don't mind.
Shaun and Lamont, for sure. And yes, we are on a first name basis.
ReplyDeleteThose guys have been the biggest bunch of sucks who ever sucked a suck. Ah, crap, I gotta go. My damn weiner kids are listening.
I'm assuming coaches aren't eligible for this simply because we'd all line up Belichek and Shanahan for some serious Jerramy Stevens action.
ReplyDeleteAlexander
ReplyDeletenuff said
There is a congressperson in Indiana with the last name "Chocola". Needless to say, Count Chocola is a republican
ReplyDelete1. Edgerrin James
ReplyDelete2. Daunte Culpepper
3. Chad Johnson
Edge wins because Yahoo won't let me cut him, and I had to trade for crap value. He's the reason I have to hope McNabb hits three TDs a week and the Vikes' D nabs an INT or two.
It's hard for me to put Chris Chambers on the list -- you knew Daunte was a tease and that Harrington was the backup before the draft started. Bledsoe and Warner were disasters waiting to happen.
If you have to start a TE every week, I'm sure Antonio Gates is not make you happy compared to last year.
ReplyDeleteAs far as I can tell, the big time TEs aren't doing too hot this year in general. I just don't have a better WR to move into the slot.
I'm not sure if Bush should be there -- rookies are always a fucking crapshoot.
Statistically, comparing the ESPN average live draft rankings vs stats through week 9, the Top Ten Shitbags are:
ReplyDeleteAlexander, Shaun (drafted 1st, ranking 164th in pts)
Burleson, Nate (drafted 95th, ranking 222 in pts)
Fitzgerald, Larry (drafted 19th, ranking 132)
Jordan, LaMont (drafted 11th, ranking 118)
McCardell, Keenan (drafted 80th, ranks 171)
Smith, Rod (drafted 83rd, ranks 148)
Johnson, Chad (drafted 13, ranks 81)
Mason, Derrick (dafted 67th, ranks 144)
Droughns, Reuben (drafted 25th, ranks 101)
I'm not sure why they're all black.
1 Daunte
ReplyDelete2 Chad J. (Chad, hahaha)
3 Rueben "Fuckin" Drones
All three of these bastards were picked in order on an auto draft wound up on my fuckin' team. What did I ever do to anyone? Thank God I'm a genius with astute acumen and was able to pull my team into 4th place, playoff eligible.
BTW, Chad is the whitest, black guy name of all time. I'm surprised he went with ocho cinco. Should have been Vlad Johnson, or something. Come on, Chad! You're creative and innovative!
Chad Johnson and Daunte Culpepper, for lifetime achievement in douchebaggery, if nothing else. And Drew Bledsoe, for suddenly turning into such a giant pussy that Tony Romo is a better alternative. Not that I'd draft a Cowboy.
ReplyDeleteIt's not Shaun Alexander's fault they put him on the cover of Madden. And while it is Kurt Warner's fault he's a used douche, anyone who drafted him should have known better.
well it's your own fault for taking a mediocre quarterback in the second round.
ReplyDeleteEdge? No 4? Were you on crack? This is ARIZONA we're talking about.
ReplyDeleteYou should have had 2 QBs before you picked up Edge.
He went 12th round in my league.
I'm saving all my bullets for...
ReplyDeleteKurt Warner, Drew Bledsoe
I didn't fall for their evil ploys. I sadly fell for Tom Brady and Bret "wait til OkieRover starts me to go negative" Favre.
If forced, I'm picking Edegerin James too.
Anyone who drafted Reggie Bush deserves what they got.
ReplyDeleteHe's a rookie on a team that has an established player at his position. Even with Payton contriving every way to get him on the field he isn't going to see that many touches.
Daunte Culpepper and Ronnie Brown (drafted in two leagues and benched against the Bears) get half a vote each from me.
ReplyDeleteChad Johnson
ReplyDeleteShaun Alexander
Anyone on the Dolphins - this remains the year's biggest tease.