The playoffs have arrived and half of the rooting interests of KSK writers have earned the right to be eliminated by the second round. Sadly flubby's Raiders, Punter's Bengals and Drew's Vikings were cast by the NFL wayside. My poor injury ravaged Steelers will probably be starting a few tough looking traffic cones at safety and offensive line against a suddenly supa popula Jacksonville team (if you're gonna beat us, at least have the courtesy to beat New England, you humps). We know at least one team will survive for the divisional round: Caveman's Seahawks or the Maj's Redskins. WHO YA GOT?
Contestants
Captain Caveman_______Unsilent Majority
Own projects
With Leather______Every other fucking blog on the internet
Typical apparel
Pinstripe pants and flaming red button down shirt with Spanish
flourishes________Whatever fucking sneakers Gilbert Arenas is flacking
Extralegal activities
Killing hookers_______Smoking weed stolen from dead hookers
Calls in favors from
Marine friends__________Other Jew columnists
Fond of
50-cent words_________50 Cent (kidding, he blows Kanye)
Toughest conflict
Iraq War___________Potomac, Md. money fight
Dislikes
The Big Lead______People of non-diminutive size who don't play basketball
Finishing move
Antagonizing columnists at podunk newspapers___Making shitty bets
Captain Caveman_______Unsilent Majority
Own projects
With Leather______Every other fucking blog on the internet
Typical apparel
Pinstripe pants and flaming red button down shirt with Spanish
flourishes________Whatever fucking sneakers Gilbert Arenas is flacking
Extralegal activities
Killing hookers_______Smoking weed stolen from dead hookers
Calls in favors from
Marine friends__________Other Jew columnists
Fond of
50-cent words_________50 Cent (kidding, he blows Kanye)
Toughest conflict
Iraq War___________Potomac, Md. money fight
Dislikes
The Big Lead______People of non-diminutive size who don't play basketball
Finishing move
Antagonizing columnists at podunk newspapers___Making shitty bets
Humorous side note: The shoe pictured above is one Clinton Portis signed recently for the Maj, but addressed it to the wrong name. His name is not Jeff.
Cmon Maj, Jew-Unit!
ReplyDeleteI'd easily take a week of Ufford's smugness over a week of hearing this batshit crazy city keep talking about "Hey we scored 36 points that was Sean Taylor's old number and we won by 5 points which was how many interceptions Sean had this year it's a sign!"
ReplyDeleteYeah, but did you see that money fight? That fucker had one helluva hangnail.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, the actual Portis signature is back by the heel of the shoe. He did get his own name right, which is nice.
ReplyDeleteNormally, I'd go with Ufford, except for the fact I have a deep seated hatred for the SeaChickens.
ReplyDeleteAnd I would go with the Redskins, but my home has suddenly become a Redskins shrine over Christmas. That's irritating.
So I hope that everyone has a good time and learns something valuable from the experience.
Or send me 20 bucks.
I can't believe you let him ruin your shoes.
ReplyDeletewhat will you do if Jeff wants his shoes back?
ReplyDeleteFunny. I thought it was "To Uff."
ReplyDeletedid portis smell like otto's jacket at the time of signing? sure would explain alot.
ReplyDeleteToo bad Richard Seigler isn't with the Steelers anymore. With fictional Garrard, we may have needed two who ya gots. It's better this way though. We needed something to make this shitty game at least somewhat compelling.
ReplyDeletei just read the with leather posts from today. holy shit - i hope the c-hawks win for ufford's sanity - he is fucking pissed at something!
ReplyDeletev tech avoid massacre? yowza.
Does Uff realize he traded one uniform for another?
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, the ladies seem to find both irresistible. Hmmm, perhaps I have underestimated his sartorial genius.
did portis smell like otto's jacket at the time of signing? sure would explain alot.
ReplyDeleteHey hey. Ix-nay on the ot-pay.
I think the show was signed by Jeff, not to Jeff. Portis was simply trying out a new persona for the playoffs -- a sassy, flamboyantly fabulous character named "Just Jeff!"
Wait 'til you see his endzone dance. I hear it involves two snaps in a Z formation.
Shoe, not show.
ReplyDeleteMe fail English? That's unpossible!
And now, our parody of "Mad About You," entitled "Mad About Shoe."
ReplyDeleteno tongue!
ReplyDeleteI feel bad for the visiting Redskins fans. It's going to rain on them and they'll get hot coffee spilled on them by the lame Seattle fans.
ReplyDeleteWhat, you didn't know that all we have is rain and coffee here?
Pirate-
ReplyDeleteYou forgot Cowgirls Inc.
Give me my damned shoe back!
ReplyDeleteWow, what a brutal ending to an otherwise terrific game.
ReplyDeleteChin up, UM. You'll have football legend Joe Gibbs back as coach next year! And the year after that! And ...
Right. Sorry.
UM received Barack Obama's endorsement Saturday night.
ReplyDelete