BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
(takes deep breath)
Ah ha... Ah ha...
AHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
(sighs)
(wipes away tears)
Oh, God. Oh, God. Can't stop... laughing... Selig... so very dumb... such an amateur...
(giggles)
(calls Paul Tagliabue)
Tags! Tags! Are you watching this?... I know!... That's what I did too!... It's fucking GREAT... Later.
(hangs up)
Tee hee hee!
Hoo hoo hoo!
BAHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
(takes deep breath)
(makes self tequila gimlet)
What a bunch of losers.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the Bruschi tag - Would steroids really help his heart/brain? Using them definitely would have helped him regain any lost strength, but he seemed to recover from the complications of the stroke fairly quickly. That was always the part that shocked me.
ReplyDeleteOh, relax. I didn't mean the tag seriously.
ReplyDeleteBut that guy totally juiced!
Bill Romanowski - Urge to Kill Rising!
ReplyDelete(makes Pacman make him a tequila gimlet)
ReplyDeleteThere ya go.
I bet Selig can't wait to be in Goddell's shoes, where enough time has elapsed so that steroid allegations are commonplace and usually ignored by the public.
ReplyDeleteRoger Clemens, meet Shawne Merriman.
I'm so pissed i couldnt watch the report, i was at the fucking dentist. i can't believe mo vaughn was on there, considering he was mostly just a fat piece of shit. also thanks for the shout out in the jamboroo. i say thanks here because i refuse to "audition" to be a commenter anywhere. i mean, really?
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame that Sauerbrun's juicing didn't help his tackling ability any.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe he went off right before this year.
No, he still does 'roids. It's just he's on shrooms too.
ReplyDeleteCan we expect a Wade and Jerry soon?
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteYou mean you don't take requests?
ReplyDeleteIs it kind of like hearing someone shout 'Freebird'?
If IIIIIIIIII staaaaaaaaaaaayyy heeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrreeee wwwiiiiiiiiiiith yooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuu giiiiiiiiiiirrrrrllllll...
ReplyDelete*passes out drunk*
*kicks nhz repeatedly*
ReplyDelete*draws weiners all over nhz's face*
ReplyDeleteIf mass steroid scandal comes to the NFL, I fully expect the Ed Hoculi on that list.
ReplyDeleteYa know what? Everybody perfomance-enhances, whether it's Botox or Viagra or implants or Lasik surgery. 25 years from now, we'll be so enhanced we'll look back and wonder what the fuck the big deal was. The NFL's drug policy isn't perfect, but with so many people trying to get ahead, there's no such thing as a perfect policy. They should be lucky they reel in the fish they do catch (Merriman, Shawn).
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteCan we expect a Sex Canon post soon?
ReplyDeleteOr what about a Michael Vick post?
/commenter only comfortable with what's familiar
You guys got mentioned on Maxim Online for your hatred of Boston?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.maxim.com/The10bestandworstthingstohappentomenin2007/articles/2/10316.aspx
Congrats!
Didn't think you meant the tag seriously, it just seemingly came out of nowhere. I'm not trying to say Bruschi didn't use steroids (I'm more apt to believe everyone is a dirty than they're all clean), I just honestly didn't know if they'd actually help him with that whole stroke thing.
ReplyDeleteI think Bruschi's incredible comeback just shows you need to be physically ok to play linebacker. Mentally, eh Belicheck takes care of that for you.
ReplyDeleteThis is the best thing I read all day regarding the Mitchell report. Thanks!
ReplyDelete*kicks nhz repeatedly*
ReplyDelete*draws weiners all over nhz's face*
I suppose that's what I get for starting to drink at six o'clock. :P
But seriously, it has been too long since I wrote on a drunk friend's face. I'll have to make sure to that this weekend.
Iiiiifffffff IIIIIII staaaaaaaaay heeeeeeeeeeeeere wiiiiiiiiithhhhhhh yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuu giiiiiiiiiiirrrrrlllllllll...
2 1/2 things:
ReplyDelete1) no one remembers the 2004 panthers because they went 7-9 (this was the year after superbowl XXXVIII- which I know was held in 2004, but nonetheless the '2004 panthers' describe the next season, the one where Steve Smith broke his fibula in the first game of the season (against green bay))
B) Julius Peppers tested positive for Ephedra in his rookie season (2002)
iii) the panthers suck... bad
When did people start taking the tags so seriously?
ReplyDeleteI don't know.
ReplyDeleteAnd the 2004 Panthers were a win away from the playoffs after starting 1-7...and they lost to the Saints. What a weird friggin' year.
First off... this post... very very HAHA.
ReplyDeleteSecond... I'd like to nominate Mario Williams or Sage Rosenfels for Meast of the week.
Drew picked the wrong Thursday to publish a Jamboroo.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that irks me the most is how much of a pass the NFL gets on PED use. I realize that the NFL started testing for steriods some 20 years ago, but the NFL was at the point MLB is now at that time. It just goes to show how far ahead the PED curve the NFL is as compared to MLB. HGH is now the big thing going on in the NFL and MLB, but I'm sure that HGH use has been rampant in the NFL for years and years. In fact, NFL players have probably already moved on to the next big thing that MLB players, by and large, haven't even caught on to yet.
ReplyDeleteI just wish PEDs weren't portrayed as just a Baseball problem when I'm sure that they are an even much bigger problem in the NFL.
To quote from the Guinness ads...
ReplyDeleteBrilliant!
Seriously, though; the NFL gets somewhat of a free pass here, I think, because, for all its popularity, it enjoys a lower place in the national consciousness than MLB.
First off, I'd like to thank the staff at KSK for finally mentioning my Panthers. Second, if your going to be a douchebag and call out a team for something that happened 3 years ago (nhz) get your facts straight. The players implicated in the Panthers "Steroid Controversy" were Offensive linemen, Jeff Mitchell and Todd Stussie, and tight end Kris Mangum. While Peppers was suspended for the presence of Ephedra, his sample was tainted from his taking Sudafed, which I'm sure many readers are taking right now. No defensive lineman were cited in the "Steroid Controversy"
ReplyDeleteGet your shit straight, cause my boys are goin' to whip some ass...
next year...
maybe....
'cause we suck ass this year...
'cause David Carr was a big waste and total tease.
@ pain-ther fan
ReplyDeleteBeing the Texans fanatic that I am, I was more than happy to unload Carr. That's a failed experiment that is much more fun to watch when it is not happening on my team.
Do you think Arthur Blank would give a nut to have Matt Schaub back?
@ matt
ReplyDeleteAs a panther fan, I would like to say, FUCK YOU.
Just kidding, if it wasn't for the Texans, we would have had the #1 pick in the 2002 draft, and we would have taken Carr then. So at least we got Peppers at the #2 slot, and waited 5 years to get Carr and find out how bad he sucks.
And yes, Falcon's fans would absolutely cream themselves to have had Schaub this year
Mo fatass Vaughn probably used them because he thought he could get high off em.
ReplyDeleteI think the SC guys are getting a woodie being able to say the word 'buttocks' over and over again with regard to Mcnamee shooting up Clemens big butt.
pain-ther fan - my bad. I started drinking rather early yesterday, and you are completely justified in calling me on my BS.
ReplyDeleteThat's cool NHZ, buckle your chin strap and go knock the shit outta somebody!!!
ReplyDelete+1 to nhz for humility