Work Kinda Blows + This Week's Meast

9:04 AM
Fred: hey man
Landon: hey buddy
Fred: another awesome day at work, eh?
Landon: yeah, just found a snake in the office
took a cell phone pic
then it disappeared
Fred: holy shit!
why is there a fucking snake in your office?
Landon: dunno
Fred: maybe he works there
you should have made him do some filing
Landon: it did have a little dress shirt and tie on
Fred: well at least he adhered to the dress code
he might have just taken an early lunch
Landon: haha
Fred: that's freaky; was it by your desk?
Landon: no, on the far end of the office, in a cubicle
Fred: that snake should have his own office
Landon: he's new
you don't get the corner office your first day
Fred: tell him that
Landon: if i can find him
if he's going to be coming and going as he wishes, I need to know that information
Fred: he needs to fill out his timesheet accordingly
Landon: he doesn't have the vacation built up yet to be taking half days
Fred: or long lunches, either
snakes these days, they think they can just slither in like they own the place
Fred: send him an email

10:08 AM
Landon: snake@landoncorp.com
just sent it
he's only 5 inches long, how long does he need for lunch?
Fred: maybe it's a working lunch


10:38 AM
Fred: So, did you take that from that other place where you applied?
Landon: I haven't heard back yet
but i would expect the decision (either way) to come very soon
i'm not about to get my hopes up
he and i both know i'm very green
Fred: and chronically homosexual
Landon: how do you think i got THIS job?
Fred: tapping your foot in the men's room stall
with your resume rolled up in your ass
Landon: that's product placement
Fred: I guees it beats the shit out of careerbuilder
Landon: no kidding
oh, i'll send you the pic of our new office help
Fred: please do so
so that I may report him to the Better Serpents Bureau
Landon: the BSB doesn't take these things lightly
i would have said they don't take it lying down...
Fred: haha
they are a serious bunch, but it takes them forever to type shit up
Landon: they're reports just read "Ssssssss"
hang on, fire alarm just went off
Fred: wheeee


11:04 AM
Landon: yeah, everyone went outside like it's 2nd grade
i'm the only one in the office, so role call was easy
Fred: did you touch each head as you counted?
Landon: i had to, otherwise i'd have to start over
Fred: well, yeah
Landon: unfortunately, our new office assistant was unaccounted for
Fred: shocker
Landon: this is why he needs to tell me when he's coming and going
if a situation like this arises


12:49 PM
Landon: still on the loose. he was in the copy room, but i was unable to trap him with a file folder. he slithered under the big file cabinet.
Fred: where's that pic already?
Landon: i sent it to you. i'm sending you a 2nd one i just took also
Fred: my phone must be slow

1:09 PM
Landon: snake has been disposed of
Fred: terminated? that was a short career
Landon: dazed and taken outside, trapped it in a box
i took the keyboard duster compressed gas thingie, turned it upside down so it became lethal, sprayed it enough to daze it, trapped it in a box, and released it into the wild.
Fred: Don Rumsfeld approves of your shock-and-awe, as well your grasp of weapons terminology.
Landon: as well he should
Fred: By the way, your Meast for the week is Antonio Cromartie. He had three picks against the Colts.
Landon: cool.
Fred: Those pics still aren’t here yet.
Landon: let me try it over email
Fred: Fine.