Tonight is the NFC's low-rent answer to the Patriots and Colts. How low-rent? Half the fucking country, including this writer, can't watch it because it's on the NFL Network. So, thanks again, Comcast for giving me an Ice Bowl-worthy Icy Mike and raising my rates. At the very least, I'll miss three hours of announcer fluffing for Brett Farve and Tony Romo. One foolproof way to keep up with the score for tonight's contest is to crack a window and listen for Peter King orgasmic cries. A clue: the ones for Favre are in a slightly lower register. Anyway, Who Ya Got?
Contestants
Brett Favre_________________Tony Romo
Current Story Arc
Better than EVAH?______________Smiles, though his heart his aching
Sesame Street character
Prarie Dawn_______________Guy Smiley
New BFF
Media that has clearly always disdained him_____Terrell Owens, Sophia Bush
Spends free time
Voting for Mr. Splashy Pants________perfecting Romo Mind Tricks
Finishing move
Only PK and Mr. Hat know for sure________________Chasing the dragon
Brett Favre_________________Tony Romo
Current Story Arc
Better than EVAH?______________Smiles, though his heart his aching
Sesame Street character
Prarie Dawn_______________Guy Smiley
New BFF
Media that has clearly always disdained him_____Terrell Owens, Sophia Bush
Spends free time
Voting for Mr. Splashy Pants________perfecting Romo Mind Tricks
Finishing move
Only PK and Mr. Hat know for sure________________Chasing the dragon
NFL Network! NFL Network! Its now come to pay per view for football!? Heading down slippery slope that made boxing the mess is is today. Dallas by a rainbow 3 at the buzzer.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who thinks that Romo should be playing a damn banjo in that picture..
ReplyDeleteMY BOY ROMO IS A GODDAMN STAR!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGood to see Ape's an equal opportunity hater.
ReplyDeletedude, i cant beleive your into icy mikes
ReplyDeleteProduct placement? Whaaaa?
ReplyDeleteI don't get it. I have Comcast and the NFL Network was available as part of a "Sports Package" of channels so I(being the big fat sucker I am) bought it at the beginning of the season. Is it not available in all Comcast markets or is it only in superior metropolitan areas such as Indianapolis?
ReplyDeleteAlso, the Urban Dictionary is not clear as to the bodily waste used to concoct an "Icy Mike." Is it piss, or is it shit? I have friends coming over for the game so I need to know!
still, you gotta respect romo. he could have man in the state of texas that he wants.
ReplyDeleteby the way, urban dictionary is unclear. is it piss or shit that is frozen in the condom? i feel like diarrhea should be an acceptable substitute as well.
wtf, now i look like i jerk. thanks naptown drew. ass.
ReplyDeleteWill piss freeze if it's made up almost entirely of grain alcohol?
ReplyDeleteFavre. He overcame a painkiller addiction and his wife's BC.
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing Romo has ever overcome is a fumbled snap and blueballs.
Does this mean my frozen condom full of semen is not an icy mike? What the fuck is it, then?
ReplyDeleteI will now start calling my roommate, "Icy" Mike in hopes that he one day Googles it at work and gets reprimanded.
ReplyDelete@the last unitard - It's called a "Lambeau Dildo"
ReplyDeleteNow, now Ape. Just beacuse the once mighty and Powerful Stillers could only muster 3 points against a winless team at home on a lake doesn't mean you can hate...
ReplyDeleteOh and I'll take Romo with a TD to OWENS! OWENS!! OWENS!!! HE CAUGHT IT! HE CAUGHT IT!! HE CAUGHT IT!!! to beat the Packers again.
You also forgot to mention that Romo likes to titty fuck Jessica Simpson with her Dad watching just for kicks.
YEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW I AM FUCKIN' CRAZY!!!!!!!!!
Because I can't comment on Deadspin:
ReplyDelete-What's that?
-Fifteen overcharged ounces
of pure, uncompounded isopropyl butane monosulfate. When combined with oxygen and a little heat, it will cause a rapid expansion.
I didn't create the Fuck Dallas and FUCK BRETT FAVRE tags.
ReplyDeleteBut, yeah, fuck Dallas and fuck Brett Favre.
Proving once again that black dudes are cooler than white dudes: brother gets the sweet axe.
ReplyDeleteGod, when I look at Romo, I get "Party All the Time" in my head...Fuck you, Romo
ReplyDeleteAlso can't post on Deadspin...what's the problem with that site? Is it only compatible with Firefox or something?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, can someone research this Sopcast (www.sopcast.org) thing? If it works, then I be watchin' de game tonight!
A local (Dallas) broadcast station is carrying the game, they were yapping about it nonstop this morning. That and the fact that Romo is supposedly dating Jessica Simpson. He could do much better.
ReplyDeleteRE "Its now come to pay per view for football!?"
Yeah, that's where it's going. Get used to it.
dallas by a smile
ReplyDelete@pemulis: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little/choked on it from laughing.
ReplyDeleteJackin, you probably saw my comment on Deadspin about Sopcast...(this is Afino on Deadspin)
ReplyDeleteSopcast works. Pretty well in fact, just download the player and search for the game. People stream the game from their own TV feeds directly to yours (with pretty good quality)
I'm surprised more people haven't been talking about it this week.
@matt: Yes, I did see your post. If that is the case and it doesn't blow up my computer like Kazaaaaaaaa used to, then I will be trying out this Sopcast technology tonight. I will thank you in advance for your wisdom and insights.
ReplyDelete/stands up slowly and claps, then runs out of the office.
@pemulis: You funny bastard. I'll take that win as long as it's not a Rachael Ray JOKER smile.
ReplyDeleteEveryone come over to my house - watch it on my 42 inch Sony HDTV in all of its 1920x1080i glory! Get your jollies by listening to Bryant Gumbel in 5.1 Surround Sound! The reason why I pay an extra 5 bucks a month!
ReplyDeleteBy everyone I mean no fat chicks. BYOBB. Grass, Gas, or Ass. No one rides for free.
I'm watching NFL Network right now, they're doing the pregame and whatnot. So far, I've noticed the following.
ReplyDeleteWarren Sapp just said "aks" instead of "ask" in a commercial for NFL Network.
Those Joe's Diners commercials make me think of Pats fans. Which makes me angry.
Deion used the word "idolize" to describe Romo's man love for Favre, despite whatever evidence there was to the contrary.
It seems to me as if Steve Mariucci has a very one-way relationship with Favre, where Mariucci thinks they're like soulmates and Favre looks at Mariucci as just one of his old coaches.
Pack by 10, Romo chokes on the big stage again.
Cris Collinsworth (2nd Qtr): "DeMarcus Ware, what a tool he is!"
ReplyDeleteBryant Gumbel still commentates like he was just born 5 minutes ago and is unfamiliar with this "football" that they play down on the "field."
Smiles WINS!!!!
ReplyDelete"DeMarcus Ware, what a tool he is!"
ReplyDeleteI thought I heard Collinsworth say 'has'...