Cheerleader Twins: A Duet of Pleasures

Reproductive genetics is a tricky little dance and, like most dances, shouldn't be attempted by white people. The slightest chromosomal misstep, and you end up a nasty grab bag of maladies and deformations such as Turner Syndrome, Klinefelter's Syndrome, cri du chat, or Matt Millen Brow.

Occasionally though, God rolls the die, an egg splits in twain and out pop a pair of comely cheerleaders. Such is the case with Larisa and Marisa, a pair of cheerleaders for the Texans, who need all the activation of their cheerleader twin powers to make Houstonians put down the lean long enough to pretend to care about their tragically uninspiring football team.

Thing 1 and Thing 1

Of the various horrors parents can visit upon their children in the naming department - we can name a few - the similar rhyming names for twins is among the worst.

As I imagine the case is with most identitical twins, Marisa and Larisa are into essentially the same stuff - shitty AFC South teams, hoping to teach middle school math - but with slight distinctions: Larisa likes stars, Marisa likes starfish; Larisa's favorite teevee show is "The Price is Right" (there goes her future as a Barker Beauty), Marisa's is "Wheel of Fortune"; Larisa likes inauthentic Tex-Mex chain Pappasito's, Larisa takes her cousin Gino to the Olive Garden.

So, you see, these twins are all alik---

WHAAAA

Favorite ice cream flavor: Larisa’s favorite ice cream is dutch chocolate with Hershey’s syrup. Marisa’s favorite ice cream is homemade vanilla.

Marisa is clearly the evil one. Who likes homemade vanilla outside the Flanders flock?

The Texans web site has a video profile of the two - of course they get shoehorned in together while all the other members get one to themselves. Look what you hath wrought, Coors Light commericials.