Suzy Kolber Was Kissed, Then Inseminated

Pro Football Talk, which is always right about these things, is spreading the rumor that Matron Saint Suzy Kolber is preggers or with child, or whichever other gormless idiom you use for pregnant. I prefer germinated. It sounds less appealing that way.

See, Suzy, you start hanging around NASCAR and, before you know it, you're having kids out of wedlock. Sure, ESPN'll be cool with it at first, provided you name the kid Norby or Norba, then tighten up afterwards. They'll have the finest vaginoplaster money can buy.

PFT hears it's a girl, no doubt bound to be thick in the britches. But what of the name? JET Kolber? Turtleneckesta? Chevy Tahoe, Jr.? You decide, commenters.

UPDATE: We have an idea who the father is...